Opinions please!

[Lilmissmissy]

Bit of a long one guys so i apologise in advance!

Basically me and my partner have been together for two years. When my partner met me i was in heap loads of debt- ( abusive ex partner left me well in the crap) i was managing though running a house and a business all on my own.
In the past two year me and my partner have worked super hard and got the debt down to a very very low amount and i can actually sleep on a night. But obviously my credit score isnt the best.

Basically the issue is, me and my partner and planning to try for a baby. We live in a rented house, ex council huge garden great location. We both are not in a massive rush to buy. We see that we have done so well to get to where we are now so buying an house has literally being put on the back burner.

The issue is my mother. She has been lucky enough not to have worked since she had my brother aged 26. Shes now 57- do the maths. My parents are pretty well off and my dad has worked so so so hard to get them to the position they are in. I have never ever ever had any financial help from them. I actually went to them two year ago asked for a loan from them pay off my debts and repay them like i would any other loan but saving a lot of stress.They refused and said i had to do it my self. And i did it.

Fast forward to now. My mums kinda picked up the fact that we as a couple want to try for a baby and since then has done nothing but tell me how i should buy an house before having kids. I shouldnt want to bring my kids up on a council estate. You name it she has said it. My reply is, for us to live and pay rent as well as save for a deposit would take years. We are coming up to our 30s and would rather have a child then a massive mortgage at the moment.

I have lived on my own since i was 19 gone through a abusive relationship/court all the bag of mashings with that started a business at 21 ran an house since i was 19 just done everything for myself. Now i have a wonderful partner am i wrong in wanting to start a family without buying an house first? Because right now she has made me feel pretty low

This is a common view from your parents generation. No real sense of what life is like for people working and buying / renting now. You are best placed to make your own decisions - obviously.

If she continues, tell her to shut up - or something similar, but more polite.

'Honestly Mum, whether we choose to rent or buy before we have a child is really none of your business'. Repeat ad infinitum.

Don't get into the 'things/finances have changed since your day' comments - she'll only come up with reasons why you're wrong.

It is literally none of her business. Tell her so.

Tell her clearly you will not be discussing the matter anymore, and stick to it. Live your life, your mother has had her chance to live hers.

Also u would probably best wait until your credit is back up and that could take years
If your happy with the amount of rent you pay then does it really matter
We bought a house because our rent was stupidly high and we were better off with a mortgage than throwing money away to pay for someone else's
But if it's council I imagine u don't pay that much anyway so why throw that away
Enjoy the extra cash and start your family good luck

Gosh op this is horrid, she sounds like someone I know .
Be brave, point out that you have managed just fine and a child dòes not need a grand home and all the rest.
Either she respects and supports you or she wont see her grandchid .

I honestly can not understand why people look down on others that rent .
If you home is warm safe secure and you are happy what difference dose it make if you are paying money to your land lord or the bank .

I rent , If the roof blew of my house or there was a fire / flood / smashed windows my contents insurance would sort out the personal stuff but my landlord has to sort my house out .
I do not need to pay building insurance or worry about getting roofers / glaziers / gas / elecy people out to fix things , If my boiler goes kaput my landlord fix it ( as they did last year ) .

I would tell your DM that you have manged to turn your life around without her input, and you do not need it now.

The fact that ypur Mother was a SAHM has nothing to do with this. It's as if you are saying because your Parents made the choices they did, she shouldn't have opinions.

However, she doesn't get to have an opinion on your life.

Challenge every comment and if necessary go low contact. Be straight with her, she shuts up or gets cut out.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have simply been a little distant with my mum as i am still upset at some of the comments she made. I have told her how i feel and have asked kindly not to broadcast her opinions anymore.

It's as if you are saying because your Parents made the choices they did, she shouldn't have opinions

It's relevant because it demonstrates that her mum has a completely different life experience. I can't imagine turning my daughter away for a loan if she was left in debt by an abusive ex and we could afford it op. Regardless it's none of her business and I think it sounds like you have dealt with it well.

@Sunshine93 thank you, you are right my mum has had a totally different life experience to me and i think that is why we differ so much in opinions. I have put some space between us both i think it is needed.

I would look up house prices, work out the deposit required, calculate how many years it would take to save up the deposit, then repeat the calculations for various rates of house price increase up to 7% a year. Then show her my workings and ask her if you should risk wait until age 43 (or watever) to try for a child. (On the other hand, if this shows you can possibly buy by 35 at the latest, she might be right that that's the better option. Even if it's only a 50% chance, and it later transpires you're not going to make it by that deadline, you can change your mind. Whereas if you go the other way, it sounds like you can't, presumably because childcare cost will eat up your deposit savings.)

With regard to having "a massive mortgage", the mortgage on an equivalent property should cost less than the rent you're now paying. (Not that I'm saying renting is wrong, just that mortgage payments shouldn't be an issue. Although I suppose another consideration is if you were out of work, the benefits system is geared to help renters more than home-owners.)

@PettyContractor already looked into how long it would take and it will take a while. It is not just the factor of getting the deposit it is the credit history my credit file will take a while to get better my ex left me in a hell of a mess luckily its all nearly paid but the damage has already been done.

As for paying for childcare, i wont have an issue with that as i work from home/self employed and luckily i would be able to work around it all.