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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he might change his mind?

22 replies

SoundFX · 28/08/2019 20:24

My ex and I split up about 2.5 months ago. I still have to see him because we work in the same building. He looks sad every time I see him, he’s asked me not to speak to him because he said it will make it harder for him to get over things.

He instigated the split. It came out of the blue for me, the week before we had been talking about having kids, he’d said how happy he was and that he wanted us to make a proper go of things. Then all of a sudden he said he didn’t want us anymore.

AIBU to think he still has feelings for me? I’d love nothing more than for us to get back together but don’t even know how I’d bring it up to him. Am I just being delusional?

OP posts:

PutyourtoponTrevor · 28/08/2019 20:26

Yup, you are

taytosandwich · 28/08/2019 20:28

He doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't even want to talk to you. Move on.

Bubsworth · 28/08/2019 20:29

I don't think YBU.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 28/08/2019 20:29

he’s asked me not to speak to him because he said it will make it harder for him to get over things

He's asked you not to speak to him because he's feeling guilty - TBH, if he's not adult enough to maintain a civil and cordial post-split professional relationship with you - then you are well out of it. Really quite child like of him, considering you've swapped bodily fluids.

Justmuddlingalong · 28/08/2019 20:30

Read back your own words, OP.
He instigated the split. It came out of the blue for me, the week before we had been talking about having kids, he’d said how happy he was and that he wanted us to make a proper go of things. Then all of a sudden he said he didn’t want us anymore.
Why would you want back with someone who did this?

PutyourtoponTrevor · 28/08/2019 20:32

What were his reasons for splitting and how long were you together?

TixieLix · 28/08/2019 20:36

Had you been together long OP? What reasons did he give for not wanting "us" anymore?

Original poster

SoundFX · 28/08/2019 20:40

@Justmuddlingalong because I wanted the same things that I thought he did. And because I still love him

We were together for about 6 months. I’m not really sure what his reasons for splitting were, he just said he’d been worrying if we wanted the same things out the future but we’d talked about and I thought we wanted the same things.

OP posts:

AllTheGlitter · 28/08/2019 20:41

Did he cheat? sounds like a weird scenario if he broke things off out the blue..

PutyourtoponTrevor · 28/08/2019 20:43

6 months and he was talking babies, sounds like love bombing to me

oabiti · 28/08/2019 20:44

Has he found someone else?

Justmuddlingalong · 28/08/2019 20:45

But he's changed his mind about the things he wants. You were in agreement now you're not. I think after only 6 months he's decided it's too intense.

cubed123 · 28/08/2019 20:45

Leave him be - if a man wants you he’ll move hell and high water - unfortunately OP this guy doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you...be kind to yourself and try to leave him be

dollydaydream114 · 28/08/2019 20:48

He dumped you for a reason, whatever that reason might have been. Pretty sure he’d tell you if he wanted to get back together.

IdahoGreen · 28/08/2019 20:48

Oh, I thought you’d been together for years before you said it was only six months! In the nicest possible way, OP, you’ve been split up for almost half the total time you were seeing each other. He’s been clear about ending things, and he has asked you not to approach him. That ship has sailed.

NorthEndGal · 28/08/2019 20:52

So, you were only together six months, and just before the end of the six months, you started talking about babies together?
A week later he breaks up with you, saying he doesn't know if you want the same things.
Clearly you were moving way too fast and freaked him out.
Months later he is avoiding you, has asked you not to approach him, and you want to go back?!

Original poster

SoundFX · 28/08/2019 21:33

It wasn’t me that brought up having babies, it was him. I hadn’t even thought about it because we hadn’t been long enough for me to have been thinking that. So I don’t think it would have been because I was moving too fast for him.

I know we weren’t together long but it was just starting to feel like it was getting more serious, and that we both wanted it to then it just suddenly changed.

OP posts:

TiredyMcTired · 28/08/2019 21:52

Hmmm, I honestly don’t think he still has feelings for you in the way you hope. I don’t want to sound harsh but I think he said he doesn’t want to talk to you so he doesn’t feel guilty about his abrupt about turn....
I’m guessing he is worried that if you talk then you’d want to know more about why he wanted to split and he doesn’t want to show himself up.
What did he say when he split with you?

Original poster

SoundFX · 28/08/2019 22:11

Yeah actually I think you might be right about him feeling guilty. He knew I was hurt by the suddenness of it and that he’d led me to think things were going well with us when he was obviously thinking differently.

I think I’ve just hoped maybe he’d change his mind again.

OP posts:

waterrat · 28/08/2019 22:26

Oh op I've been in similar situations.

If he wanted to be with you he knows where to find you doesn't he ?

He broke up because he freaked out or changed his mind or realised it wasn't right for him . I know how easy it is to torture yourself but try to see him as flaky and not trustworthy. He might be immature and not able to commit.

The truth is he doesn't want to be with you or he would be. It's hard though. My sympathies

TiredyMcTired · 28/08/2019 22:27

That’s a shame, it’s always hard to deal with when you feel like you know someone and they let you down like that. For your own sake, It might be best to decide to focus away from him and not dwell on hopes of getting back together?
If he does change his mind at some point, then you might have moved on, and feel that getting back with someone who could treat you the way he has is not what you want or deserve

MollyButton · 28/08/2019 22:29

Get a new job?

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