At Easter, in 2015, I posted my only post on here.
I wrote "am I being unreasonable not to mask my disappointment better?"
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2342273-Not-to-mask-my-disappointment-better?pg=1
I had a boyfriend who was emotionally abusive. There was an incident in which he was supposed to be coming to the Lake District with me for Easter, to see my family, but he wanted to get out of it for football. I agreed he could miss the weekend away but then he kicked off because I didn't 'mask my disappointment better'.
By this stage, I'd completely lost sight of what was reasonable in a relationship, so I came on here. I had a feeling you were supposed to be able to express how you feel in relationships but had just lost it.
Everyone was so helpful and supportive on here, and I ended up breaking up with him because I realised he was emotionally abusing me (which I kind of knew, deep down).
I wrote updates about the breakup that week.
People gave really sensible, balanced advice, as well as making me laugh.
E.g. "if you don't break up with him now, in 20 years you'll end up beating to death with a statue of his favourite footballer, saying 'I'm am disappointed!'"
And "I know this is missing the point, but he's an idiot because the Lakes are lovely this time of year."
I recently rediscovered AIBU and thought I would update on what happened.
We were stuck living together for another 6 months because of London renting prices. I'm sure one of us could actually easily have moved out, but he managed to convince me it was impossible.
We lived together as friends for a few months, and got on well. Then, inevitably, we got back together.
I gave it serious thought and wrote him a letter with a list of conditions, like he had to have anger management counselling and he wasn't allowed to make me feel scared again, and wasn't allowed to put me down about things like my novel.
He agreed, and did go for counselling, but I don't think they talked about his anger.
He was on his best behaviour for a few months, and things were quite good.
Then, we had to move as our landlord was selling our flat. We signed a contract for another flat for a year.
Almost overnight, as soon as he know we were locked in for another year, his 'anger management problems' started again.
He went mad and kicked the shit out of some cardboard boxes because I'd moved his shoes, and called me a 'pathetic child' when I went into another room until he'd calmed down.
Things were up and down for a few weeks, then we had a massive row one night. I was moaning about a tough day at work and he got angry with me for sighing. I remember cowering in the kitchen while he shouted abuse through the door at me.
He kicked me out because I wanted to go into a different room until he calmed down. He said I wasn't allowed to stay at our flat if I wouldn't stay in the room with him.
At first I didn't think he was serious but then I left and went to stay with a friend as I was scared.
I broke up with him a few weeks later. Turns out there were ways around the renting problem after all.
I was single and dated various guys for about a year and a half. At times I felt a bit down but it was always such a RELIEF that it was over. Never feeling scared to hear his key in the door in evening, wondering what mood he'd be in.
I remember happily moving things around in our flat after he'd gone, because when we moved in, he refused to finish unpacking because he couldn't be bothered, but he didn't like me unpacking as I did it 'wrong'. I loved being able to put things wherever I liked.
Just over a year ago, I went on a date with a police detective. We stayed out until 5am, which was out of character for both of us, but we couldn't stop talking.
We're still together now. I've never ever felt scared of him. In fact, I kind of fancy him more when he's annoyed (which is rare) as he's so gentle but sticks to his guns.
He's never ever called me a horrible name or put me down. He encourages me to do things like my novel writing.
It's not perfect but he's an absolute gem. I'm so glad I went through the rough times of leaving and being on my own, as this is so worth it.
So if you're in a relationship and feel like something isn't right, like being scared of your partner, trust your instincts.
If it feels too difficult to leave, it's a) easier than you think, once you start, and b) so worth it.
I don't know if anyone who commented on that post is still around now, but thanks so much.