Am I in the wrong

[Nevaehy12]

Ok, I'm pregnant with our third child and today I decided to clean and move around the girls bedroom as you do (nesting has kicked in).New school year, new room etc. Oh comes home from work and kicks off because I shouldn't have done it today, because hes fed up of the crap! All I asked him to do was to take the rubbish outside and his response was ' in the rain?? I've been at work all day I shouldn't have to do this shit'!! He then proceeds to rant about how shit the relationship is and all I do is cost him a fortune!! The rest of the house is clean and tidy. I cant see what I've actually done wrong???!!

As I'm 7 months pregnant I dont think lugging heavy black bags down the stairs and outside into the bins is such a good idea

I carried on moving wardrobes, teles, chest of drawers

No one asked you to move wardrobes. And is it "such a good idea" to be moving furniture?

What responses did you want OP I’m confused! Is he always a twat or not? If he’s not then I can sort of see why someone would come home from work and be a bit naffed off at being asked to move stuff especially if they were in a bad mood already but if he IS always a twat I don’t know what to say to you! You know what he’s like and you put up with it and keep having children with him!

Look after yourself op.
You did nothing wrong, and your partner should help a bit. Ok he works, but you do too.
Write down everything you do and show him sometime.
No way should you have had to do the bins.

Your pregnant and to ask for a little help is acceptable, you are doing everything because you feel you have to as he works all day,he is treating you badly and he knows it,do not beat yourself up over this,do not let him upset you, your doing a great job, look after yourself and your babies and if in the future you decide your relationship is not working plan your escape.

I never ask him to help with anything, I do everything with the kids and I mean everything, he doesnt do nappies,bath the kids, put them to bed, I do it all and I'm ok with it but surely he could help by just taking the black bags out for once

and you put up with this? Wow.

I will never understand Mumsnet. On any other day @Nevaehy12 you could have posted and received nothing but support. But today it seems the unpleasant people are out in force. None of this is your fault and you haven’t done anything wrong.

There have been suggestions that you’re constantly cleaning, or that you pounced on him as he came in the door. I’m sorry those were the responses you got, when nothing you wrote suggested that.

He shouldn’t have said the things he did, it’s wrong of him to say you cost him a fortune. And the fact he does nothing to parent your DC, makes him an idiot. But that’s not your fault. And all the comments blaming you for being with him are unpleasant. I see that as victim blaming.

Honestly, I have no advice other than talk to him. I hope things get better

@Matildalamp I think some people are just jaded by all the 'my DH is an utter cunt, btw I'm pregnant with baby 32...', threads, surely you knew before now that he was a twat?
This seems to be six of one half a dozen of the other. OP has seemingly gone into a needless sorting and rearranging frenzy, get it, been there, but it's illogical to others. She's created a pile of unnecessary rubbish which she has told her partner to take out as soon as he got in from work (to the chaos she had created), while she's unnecessarily humping furniture around. I get why he might be irritated. What he then said, completely unacceptable. OP stating he's always like this, little sympathy from me when she's on baby number 3 with him.

How many children do you have? I am a bit confused because you said you were pregnant with your third child and then you said:

If u read it I did do it myself! I'm talking about three bin bags that I asked him to take down the stairs whilst I carried on moving wardrobes, teles, chest of drawers whilst looking after three kids!!

Were you including your unborn in the three kids you were looking after?

My kids often have friends over- perhaps the OP had another child in her care!

I also fail to see how the bin bags are not her partners responsibility- clearly they came from the bedroom of his/ their children. It’s not random mess - it’s family mess and the OP is more than entitled to expect her dp to help her carry three heavy bags down stairs and out to the bins when she is heavily pregnant!

My dh would have been annoyed if he came home and found the same scene, but not because of the rubbish, he would be annoyed that I was heaving heavy furniture around whilst heavily pregnant with our child! I would have been ordered to put my feet up and he would have finished the job for me! That’s what decent men do! They don’t shout at their heavily pregnant partner whilst small children are in earshot then watch her struggle moving furniture and heavy bags!

I realise you are not sick OP, but shifting heavy furniture on your own in your third trimester is crazy! If your dp won’t help, would a family member/ friend be able to help you?

Your dh sounds abusive, can you speak to your midwife for advice? Or contact Woman’s Aid?

WhyBirdStop couldn't agree more. It seriously puzzles me on here when women acknowledge that their OH is a twat so what's the logical next step - have another baby or two or three and to put up with and enable his continuing bullshit and laziness. It defeats logic.