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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son page boy wedding - do I or don’t I?

21 replies

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 14:57

NC for this one as bound to get pilloried/don’t want to be recognised in case future SIL on here.

My brother is getting married and everyone hates his fiancée. We all tried to get along, she was excessively rude and nasty and my brother has behaved like a complete arsehole in other ways. Most of my family are therefore declining the invitation. It’s fairly irreconcilable - not sure how relevant any of this is but just for context. I intend to go to be nice/I think it’s the right thing to do. My son is 2 and his fiancée has never met him, and after initially saying he was not invited, my brother now wants him to be a page boy.

On one hand it’s nice and I feel sad for my brother although he has behaved like a twat, so minded to let DS be page boy.

On the other it’s a huge 180 from not invited to page boy, and also he has never met the bride so won’t this be a little awkward?

Really more of a WWYD actually, sorry. Would you let him be page boy?

Is it page or Paige?

OP posts:

Cwtches123 · 28/08/2019 15:02

Go to the wedding if you feel it is the right thing to do but letting your son be paige boy sounds like a bad idea!
It is likely to cause friction within your family and your son is very young!
Who would be paying for the outfit?

IAskTooManyQuestions · 28/08/2019 15:09

Page not paige.

Personally, I'd say he's too young to be of any value in the service, he's merely drfted in for the photo call. Would you normally takea child that young to a wedding ?

PeppermintPatty10 · 28/08/2019 15:09

I think....quietly go to the wedding, but decline the page boy role. You could easily say your son is too young and would be too shy to walk down the aisle.
I’m a bit worried about this marriage if so many of your family are refusing to go to the wedding!

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:16

Who would be paying for the outfit?

This is exactly the sort of discussion I don’t want to get embroiled in!

OP posts:

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:18

I’m a bit worried about this marriage if so many of your family are refusing to go to the wedding

It’s a fucking disaster.

OP posts:

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 28/08/2019 15:21

Aside from family dynamics, would your son actually enjoy dressing up? Is he confident enough to go down an aisle himself with everyone looking at him, throwing petals or something or would he be too shy and freak out? Does he like having his picture taken? Does the ceremony clash with a nap time and mean he is likely to be tired and emotional?

Windydaysuponus · 28/08/2019 15:24

A 2 yo likely still in nappies could be a recipe for disaster down the aisle...
If he needed changing you will get the blame for ruining the day I would imagine..
Would decline anyway if she is awful and he has been awful. Using your ds for cutesy photo factor is cheap imo...
..

Gatehouse77 · 28/08/2019 15:26

At 2 years old, I'd decline. I wouldn't want the stress of trying to keep such a young child engaged with a wedding for that length of time.

lola006 · 28/08/2019 15:29

My DF performs weddings. He would tell you that children under 3 shouldn’t be in weddings as they often either don’t behave and ruin the ceremony, or end up showing up the couple by bring cutesy. Just decline due to his age.

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:31

Actually you all have a huge point - he’s too young anyway! I think I would have found it easier to say no if not for the horrible dynamic as I now do not want to somehow have this come back and bite me in the arse! 2 is def too young and he’s extremely energetic so the chance of him doing something wildly inappropriate is high.

OP posts:

Buyitinbamboo · 28/08/2019 15:31

Just decline and use the very reasonable excuse that he is too young, wouldn't go down the aisle without you and might tantrum so not worth the hassle

Didntwanttochangemyname · 28/08/2019 15:34

My 3 year old DS is about to be a page boy at a wedding and I'm dreading it. He's really shy and it's going to be an utter nightmare.
I adore the b&g, they are great old friends but the page boy thing has and continues to be stressful and has cost me a small fortune. I don't grudge it because of my good relationship with the b&g.
I would advise against it, if your relationship with the b&g is tricky anyway, this won't make it any easier!

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:40

Of course, there’s a teeeeeeny part of me that’s tempted to set DS loose and pop out so I don’t have to watch the carnage unfold 😬😬😬😬

Will try to find a polite way to word the declination so it doesn’t get a backlash. The more I think about it the more insane it seems

OP posts:

TixieLix · 28/08/2019 15:41

I wouldn't want my 2 year old being page boy at this particular wedding because firstly he's too young, and secondly, if for any reason you need to backtrack and cancel out of the wedding nearer the time, it'll be easier if your son is not part of the wedding party.

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:41

Didntwanttochangemyname

Good luck! Is the outfit at least nice?

OP posts:

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 28/08/2019 15:43

Go to the wedding but don't have DS as a page. Bad idea on the counts that they don't know him, he's a toddler and relations are already patchy. How would it rock the boat with the rest of the family?

dustarr73 · 28/08/2019 15:44

Sounds to me they are using your son as the page boy to get people to change their mind about coming to the wedding.
So it would be a no from me.

dollydaydream114 · 28/08/2019 15:47

Regardless of your relationship with the bride and groom, I think two years old is really young to be a page boy. They're just too little at that age to understand what's required of them and tantrums, wandering off, nappies, their inability to stay clean and smart for more than about nine seconds, the overwhelmingness of the ceremony and all the guests etc are always a nightmare.

If the bride has never met your son, my guess is that she has seen a picture of a cute apple-cheeked toddler in a miniature suit in a wedding magazine and just thinks it would look nice in the photos if she had one similar.

Zebrasinpyjamas · 28/08/2019 15:47

My dd was just 2 and a bridesmaid. She didn't walk down the aisle but only really had to wear a pretty dress and be in photos. Expecting anything else is a disaster. The fallout of saying no is less than if your dc doesn't 'perform' as the bride and groom expect imo. Their expectations will be wildly unrealistic if they don't know him.

Original poster

topageornottopage · 28/08/2019 15:49

Sounds to me they are using your son as the page boy to get people to change their mind about coming to the wedding

I strongly agree that there will be an element of this! Or my brother somehow thinks the offer is a bribe to me to get me to attend. He has only met DS a handful of times so also not aware of the probability of mayhem that comes along with a toddler.

OP posts:

Didntwanttochangemyname · 31/08/2019 08:44

@topageornottopage thankfully yes it is, but at just over £100 I probably would have chosen something he'd get a bit more wear out of.....

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