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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with them

5 replies

Redcrab101 · 28/08/2019 09:42

Hi everyone. I need to know if I'm bu with my DM and dB.

DB is a young adult and has always been very attached to DM. And she is is the same with him. The main issue is I feel she is really starting to stunt his emotional/ mental well-being etc. And she just won't listen to me or just gets angry.

Main examples are dB has never had a job never been encouraged to have one either. Lives with my mum and goes to collage but hates the course and is only doing it as it's his source of income.

He can drive and got a new car bought for him but refuses to drive it. As he thinks there is something wrong with it. ( There isn't it has been checked numerous times). So because of this my DM drives him to collage and picks him up after she's been working all day. This journey adds another 30/40 mins onto her commute in the morning.

He doesn't do any house work, clean his room, washing or anything . Basically all he does is spend time in his room playing the Xbox. DM makes all his food. Buys all his clothes and pays for the car petrol etc.

I feel like he still thinks he's like a 12 year old or younger. He slept in the same bed as DM until he was nearer 17.

So I had enough and said to my mum I am really worried about him as it's not normal for someone of that age to have no social life and spend all his time in his room. Also she isn't doing him any favours by doing everything for him as he's never going to learn to be independent.

She has shouted at me and told me that he has had a hard life and she would of done it for me. But no she never would of and I wouldn't of expected it.

So what would you do? Go minimum contact I'm fed up of her moaning about him to me and how she doesn't have the money but never does anything about it.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 28/08/2019 09:51

It’s really nothing to do with you. It’s your mum’s choice to continue to baby her son.
Yes, I completely agree with you that it’s ridiculous, but it’s her choice. Sorry.

PieAndPumpkins · 28/08/2019 09:56

Yeah I'd just go minimum contact and let them get on with it. It reinforces how serious you are, carrying on like before undermines that point and may never 'push' your mum to change. There's nothing you can do yourself, if she wants to continue the codling. Plus... A 17 year old sleeping with his mum? Weird. Could he have undiagnosed additional needs of some kind?

Redcrab101 · 28/08/2019 09:58

I know it's her choice and nothing to do with me. But we are a close family and she moans about him all the time. So i feel like it's involving me.

And also his mental health really worries me. He is very down on himself and hardly leaves his room. He is always Ill or thinks he has some sort of major illness. I've tried to talk to him but he says what he wants you to hear and never tries to make the effort to start living.

OP posts:
june2007 · 28/08/2019 10:03

Canyou have a word wwith your DB ask how things are for him, say if he drove to college he could find it easier to meet up with mates? You say he is at college so i'm guessing then he isn't really earning so no money to pay for keep but do say to him that he should pull his weight more. He may tell you where to go but then you never know some might actually sink in.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 28/08/2019 10:15

Go lower contact. But every time she brings up the issues say ‘You my feelings on this matter. We disagree about what is best for brother so it’s better if we don’t discuss it anymore.’

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