If he may not love me ?

[THEoldmanissnoring1]

My H of many years and three children later has told me after a row, which was a culmination of years of anger, resentment and bitterness on both sides, that he didn’t know if he loved me anymore .the row was a month ago. He is still not really talking to me and is away working far longer hours than usual. He has checked out . I suggested marriage counselling . He shot it down. Aibu to leave despite my darling children being heartbroken. I do t think I can never go back to a marriage where I don’t know of my husband loves me and that he is not willing to even try with marriage counselling

Obviously if he won't even try to fix things then it can't work out. Staying together because of the children only won't lead to anything good either. Only you know within yourself whether it's really over, but it sounds like it.

I’m worried that is separating will destroy them . One child has asd but is quite mild and my youngest also can be insecure and needy due to the needs of our other child . I could do it alone . I do it alone now.

And thanks @Cheeserton

Anybody else free to advise me also, please?

Some guys just will not talk about their problems to a stranger. He could be one of those.

Why don’t you try counselling alone to help you decide what to do? If the counsellor gives you advice that perhaps lets you see the situation differently it may change how you view things. She may help you see whether or not you do love him. He’s running away from his problems by avoiding you. But we don’t know how the two of you react during confrontation. That may be a good choice!

You said it was about years of resentment and bitterness. That sounds deep. Why did that build up? Was he unhappy and you didn’t know as he hid it? Were you unreasonable to him or him to you? Did you prevent him doing his dream job or something? Or is he just blaming you for stuff that’s his own fault but he needs a whipping boy?

Lots of things to go through with a counsellor. With or without him. Who knows, if she helps you he may see that you are calmer or happier or whatever and wantto go for counselling too? Or the sessions may make you decide you’re never going to feel the same about him as you did and it’s time to go. It’s tough when kids are involved. But we all only get one life and this is it! Do the best you can.

Sorry this is happening to you. Sounds like an affair to me. He's trying to make you feel so bad you will leave - he will keep his image as a good guy. Guaranteed he will then try and pass his affair off as a new relationship that started after the split.

Thanks. So much to think about there. Yes I have counselling booked for early
Next week. The counsellor very kindly gave me an eveningnappiintment . I’m not sure if I can stay with a man who in all honesty probanly doesn’t love me but doesn’t want to say it straight out.hes never said that before.

I was in exactly the same position 3 months ago except that he decided to also leave. It has been the hardest three months of my life. However, I am now stronger and know it isn’t my fault, it’s his. My DC (12 and 8) have obviously been upset but have surprised me with how robust they are.
I’ve learned who my real friends are, I’ve learned that I am worth more than the 18 year relationship where I did the majority of childcare, planning, worrying and doing and didn’t feel treasured. I was a good wife and am a good mum and none of it seems very fair.
You will also been ok I promise. I think counselling is a good idea.

If you need support and a chat at any time pm me