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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Advice please MN for my MIL and divorce papers

10 replies

Lovingthesunshine88 · 27/08/2019 20:31

Ok so my MIL was left in over £16,000 debt by her DH (not FIL) they have lived apart for approximately 8 years after he went off with OW only then did she find out about the debt but he wouldn't give her his new address (living with OW)

They have a son together who is now 21 but she brought him up since the spilt single handedly.

Through their relationship of (20 years) she worked he never did. She had no idea about the debt as she was always at work he dealt with the post and also her wages apparently paying the bills sorting the finances. She thought he was paying bills ect but he fiddled the tax credits also took out loans in her name without her consent.

She's an honest lady but not very clued up. Since he left she has paid and is still paying his debt off as she has been to scared to contest it incase it lands her in further debt.

Anyway her DH father has died and her DH is set to inherit £60,000+ and suddenly she's had divorce papers come through the post telling her to sign and return within 7 days which she almost did. Thankfully she hasn't done this and we've told her to hang fire.

Is it true she is entitled to half of whatever he gets? Whether she is or not she wouldn't actually do that (although she should he's vile and destroyed her mentally) but we've said she should be compensated for at least the £16,000 she's paid off which he happily pissed down the drain and spent on his OW. He's even kicking off that his own son will get £10,000 inheritance which is in the will.

Is it right that whilst they are still legally married even though living apart for a number of years she is still entitled to at least some of this money & is this why divorce papers have suddenly been sent because he knows this and is panicking?

OP posts:
Ilikethisone · 27/08/2019 20:35

Inheritance can be difficult. Especially if he has proof they have lived apart for so long.

Challenging it will likely cost a lot of money.

He is a shit and I get why you want to think about helping her get some of it. But the fact that the debt was in her name and she has continued to pay it, wont impact anything. It's in her name and she paid it for 8 years.

There is a charity (you will need to google it) that can help people left in debt by abusive partners clear them.

Lovingthesunshine88 · 27/08/2019 20:42

@Ilikethisone the debt was also in his name but with no address & no job he has been hard to track and she basically got threatened by a certain business and was terrified she'd lose her & her DS home so agreed to pay it back by herself. They made no effort to find him and although we took her to the police to report him for fraud nothing came of it.

Thank you for your advice. She is seeing citizens advice Thursday but if they say it's going to cost money with a solicitor ect we've said she's better cutting her loses than wasting another penny or sleepless night on the piece of shit

OP posts:
Lovingthesunshine88 · 27/08/2019 20:45

He doesn't have proof by the way of them living apart his last registered address was hers he's gone from one vulnerable woman to the next since he left her

OP posts:
Lovingthesunshine88 · 28/08/2019 10:01

Bump

OP posts:
Whichoneofyoudidthat · 28/08/2019 10:14

I'd recommend at least having a preliminary meeting with a lawyer. Challenging a will is tricky but the costs often come out of the estate. So it may not be an expensive exercise for her.

LemonAddict · 28/08/2019 10:16

It’s worth the cost of an appointment with a solicitor.

Cath2907 · 28/08/2019 10:17

Get her to ring a debt charity. They will give good advice. She shouldn't pay a debt not in her name. Speak to a lawyer.

starfish2385 · 28/08/2019 13:28

She absolutely should get the money that she been paying off for his debts and hose debts should now be cleared. She can inform the debt company that he has now come into £60k inheritance. I would strongly suggest that she speaks to a lawyer about this ASAP before doing anything else and before he can spend the inheritance.

TixieLix · 28/08/2019 13:40

She won't need to challenge the will though surely? She just needs to hold off agreeing to the divorce until after probate has been completed and the £60K has been transferred to her husband. She should know when that is as her DS will receive his £10K. Then she can divorce him and they can split finances - though I don't imagine that would be entirely simple as he sounds the type to try and hide his assets and she'll likely need a solicitor involved.

TixieLix · 28/08/2019 13:42

Your MIL should also bear in mind that if they divorce they both have to fully disclose their finances/assets. If she's been working full time and has a private pension, her husband can try to grab his share of that. If he's likely to go after anything of hers, she should definitely wait until he's got his inheritance so that it's taken into account.

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