To ask how long to spend with bio dad?

[TheMessyCleaner]

Dd and I will be in the same European city as my dad for two and a half days next week. I've vaguely mentioned to my bio dad that I will be there. He wants to meet up but how long should I say we'll see him for?
We don't have a great relationship, don't speak the same language and he's moving to the other side of the world in a years time, it's likely I'll never see him again after that.
I want it to be meaningful but not too long so that I remember all the terrible things about him.
Also how do I explain who he is to DD (4)?

Its hard to say without knowing the ins and outs of your relationship, but I'd join him for a meal on the first night and judge rest of the time from there.

I'd be wholly factual with DD- this is my daddy and don't say anything else. If she has a rship with her own dad and finds yours odd, the worst she can do is bring it up at an inopportune time.

My basic message is don't put pressure on yourself but give your dad a chance. Grandparents are often better influences than they were as parents

On its own, the lack of a common language will make things difficult, never mind the rest of it, whatever that is.

How about suggesting you meet in a park with play equipment, maybe ducks to feed, so you are occupied doing something together? If the weather not great, maybe a child-oriented museum or exhibition.

So, something to do, something to look at, maybe an opportunity for a snack or small meal. An hour?

I would tell your DD the truth about who he is, you dont have to go into detail about why you dont see him, tell her that it's because he lives far away, but dont lie. In regards to time, tell him you will see him, but that your not sure how much free time you will have as you have plans whilst there, that you definitely have a day free, but will have to see how the rest pans out. Then if you want to spend more time with him, you can 'free up' some more time, if not he isn't expecting more.

I would meet him on your own for a short time - maybe an hour? You could tell him you need to get back to you DH and DD. They can go off to a park or somewhere and you won't need to explain anything.

@possumgoddess there is no DH so that wouldn't work.

I would be inclined to meet for lunch. Public place, easy to leave after a hour or so or linger longer depending on how things go. Visiting his home would be a lot more awkward. Most European cities are more child friendly than the UK so your daughter should be good with that, especially if you bring some colouring stuff. I wold explain who he is to her shortly before you meet so she can ask questions if she wants but not too early or she will forget 😊

Ask him to suggest a park your DD will like. Meet him there for two hours on your first day. Then if it goes well you can meet up again the following day.

Lunch. Awkward silences can be filled with eating or helping dd to colour. You can end it after if it goes south or you can stretch it out if it goes well

I'd meet him in a park so DD has something to do, if it goes ok move to coffee shop/lunch place. If it doesn't go ok then just leave, I think (hope) he'll be interested enough in the idea he has a GD to want to spend some time with you guys.

All good ideas. I'm worried about him drinking so park would prevent that (I hope!)