AIBU to be sick and tired of this?

[impatientwoman]

DP is doing my head in! He has a teenage DD who lives with us as he has full custody and we have 3 DC together so there are 6 of us living here!
All he does is moan about the house! It's not as bad as what he makes out. I'm trying my best to clean after 6 people including myself while looking after 4 children including a toddler!
No one helps me!! Whenever DP is off work he's either asleep or he goes out! But it's MY fault the house is a shithole! It's hard making sure the kids are all ok and keeping the house immaculate! DSD is 15 and she's messy and doesn't help out at all. My two older DC are 6&7 and they do as they're told but I have to keep on at them but they're really messy too, as kids are I suppose! I have no time for myself because I'm busy trying to keep a happy household but I'm completely on my own!
I'm suffering from stress! My hairs literally falling out from it, I'm always tense and I rarely ever feel calm!

Does anyone on here have a houseful yet keep their house immaculate? If so what is your secret??

Also I'm ready for the LTB comments lol

@FlamedToACrisp
The 8hrs a day was a sarcastic joke. No house takes 8hrs/day to keep clean. My 16 room, 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom house takes 6hrs/week.
There is plenty of time to keep a house clean and care for 4 kids. I’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt.

I'm a single parent with an immaculate house. No messy man and I have a cleaner.

Fantasy fulfilled!

If he works to financially support the household then I agree the majority of the housework should be down to you. I’d expect the same if he was home and you were the earner. Three out of four are at school most days anyway.

I'm not saying at all that's I expect him to come home from work and start cleaning! I try my damn hardest! Whether he works or not I shouldn't be having to pick his and everyone else's rubbish off the living room floor and take the dishes into the kitchen to wash? DSD is homeschooled so she's at home always anyway. Apparently my living room floor is a bin! It's not just about the cleaning because as I said I do my best! It's just plain disrespect! I'm not their slave! I'm part of the family too! I just feel like they take the piss and if I have had a bad day and DD has been poorly or I have, I still do my hardest but he expects it to be immaculate!
But not it's a case of "I'll just leave my crap here, impatientwoman will clean it anyway"

@DoomsdayCult no TIDY house takes 8 hours to clean, no. (and actually I agree with you that the housework should generally be the SAHP's job, btw, at least on the days when the DP is working, but I don't see why the OP should wait on her DH or a 15 yo because they can't be arsed to lift a finger).

But if every surface including the floors is littered with random toys, drawings, pieces of clothing, washing-up, etc. then it's not just a question of a sink full of washing up, wipe round the bathroom with antibac and a quick whizz round with the hoover.

It's much harder if the house is very full because there isn't enough storage/too many ornaments/too much furniture and even when every item is put away, there are lots of things which don't really have their own places.

How full is your house, OP? Is there a storage place for everything, or do you end up with piles of clothes on top of chests of drawers because the drawers are all full, and stuff left out on top of the kitchen worktops because it won't go in the cupboards? Maybe you could make life easier for yourself by having a cull of the kids' toys and clothes, clearing ornaments off shelves, getting rid of unneeded kitchen items, etc.

I had a declutter in the kids room. My house isn't good for storage at all, I basically have one small understairs cupboard and that's literally it. Clothes are put away, washing up is done but they're always more throughout the day. I do clean the house but it doesn't stay clean for 5 mins. I'll hoover and then they kids would walk crap in from outside. I'll mop the floor and DD will throw her food on it. I try and keep on top of it but when I've done one room another rooms messy, then I'll finish that one and the other one is messy again! Then DP comes home and thinks I've just sat there doing nothing all day. I don't even think it looks that bad at all, it's like he's just trying to pick at random things. Harder obviously because of the summer holidays but even on school days it will be lovely and then the kids come home lol. I had a dream last night that he put a camera in the house. Now I'm kind of wishing he would because then she'll see how much I actually do lol

I just hate being shouted at for being "lazy" when I'm far from it

Hang on, who is homeschooling the step daughter? If it's you, you are a SAHP and homeschooler?

You are in a very vulnerable position if you aren't married.

What kind of punishments are in place for making a mess and not cleaning up after themselves when asked? Especially for the oldest?

DoomsdayCult You want a medal with that t shirt?

DoomsdayCult I agree a sahp should do the bulk of the housework, but I do not think this gives the woth parent an excuse to do absolutely nothing. He should pull his weight when he is at home and encourage his dc to help out. One person cannot maintain a home without the support and assistance of everyone in it. Why should the sahp be expected to ‘work’ 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the woth partner who is choosing ‘to financially support a grown ass woman’ (charming turn of phrase). Do you seriously believe that this lazy fucker would behave any differently if op did decide to get a job?

I learned the hard way after running myself ragged for several years as a sahp. Life was expected to continue in exactly the same way when I went back to work full time with a long commute. I realised quickly that I was being taken for granted and soon put my foot down. I only wish I had done it sooner as I did far too much for my dh and kids as I was the sahp and it was the ‘job’ I had signed up for. It’s only now that we are spending a small fortune outsourcing cleaning, ironing, childcare, school transport, dog walking and all the other tasks that I used to do (in exchange for my ‘grown ass’ being ‘financially supported’ by dh) that he actually appreciates the role I have played over the years.

Op, when does dp actually parent his own dc? When do you have the opportunity to relax? His entire attitude speaks volumes. My dh allowed himself to become spoiled, but he would certainly never speak to me in such a disrespectful manner. Your dp should be doing his bit and if he refuses I would seriously reconsider this relationship.

DoomsdayCult
I have a large 5 bed house and 4 kids. I work now but I was a SAHP for sometime. My whole house is never clean and wasn't when I was SAH. If I only spent 6 hours per week cleaning it would be disgusting. I physically can't do everything. Great for you that you could but you seem to be disparaging of those that can't.

Make them take their shoes of at the door, own plates to kitchen, get a dishwasher, don't wash anything not in laundry basket. Have a big box and put all crap lying around in it. Go away for a weekend and se how he gets on