To call 999 for elderly neighbour

[DawsonsSheep]

DH thinks I should ignore this but it doesn’t sit right with me...

Moved in to new home in Jan, we live 2 doors down from a very elderly lady, we are usually all out all day Mon-Fri but have had some time off this summer. Whenever I have been at home and her windows have been open I can hear her groaning very loudly (shouting groaning if that makes sense, as though she is in pain/distress). In the past I have seen carers popping in and out, they are possibly family members who care for her as they are not in uniform and are all of the same ethnicity as the elderly lady.

In the heatwave I have noticed just how bad the groaning is as we all have our windows open all day and am wondering what to do... when I get up at around 7am it has already started and goes on all day. I went out earlier and could still hear her at the end of the road. It is sporadic which makes me think it stops once the carers arrive.

I have knocked on the door on several occasions but no-one answers. I’d like to try and catch her carers but haven’t had any luck and without sitting outside her house I wouldn’t be able to see them arrive/leave.

DH thinks I shouldn’t interfere as she has carers, however I am disturbed by the fact that she seemingly cries out all day between their visits. If it was my Granny I would be utterly distraught to know that was how she spent all day every day; it really does sound as though she is distressed and if she stops when the carers arrive they might have no idea.

So what do I do? Leave it alone? Note through the door to carers? Call 111/Age UK/999?

Thanks you lovely lot.

She might not have Dementia ,she might be in pain my mum is 77 she's recently had a stroke ,and has quite a lot of other health issues and chronic pain she's very well cared for and has regular pain medication but obviously it still bothers her.

@CustardySergeant, I’m sorry, that sounds very tough

My nan made a noise in the last couple of yours of her life. She was 90. We spoke to her about it and it was a habit, she was completely deaf and didn't know she was doing it I don't think. She was absolutely fine but to others it would sound as if she was distressed.

Caring for elderly neighbours is all well and good but when does it become sticking your nose in? The person has carers and it is a common occurrence hat elderly people, especially those with dementia etc, may make groaning noises, which can be distressing for those not accustomed. Phoning SS without her details puts you all the way into nosey neighbour territory. Suggest you leave well alone

I'm surprised ss can't trace her from her address. Rather neglectful of them. What if she's fallen over?

Op I don't get why you are getting a hard time here. Yes your neighbour may have dementia or she might have fallen over and hurt herself. You seem like you care about her wellbeing rather than being nosy for the sake of it. Hope the Carers can reassure you that she's ok.

Another thing that comes to mind if it is family doing the visits she may not have enough help/equipment etc. Could possibly be that the family want to manage on their own. My elderly aunt and uncle refuse to have any outside help, she is 90 he is 85. Wondering if she has one of those alarms things set up in case she falls. Hope your other neighbours can put your mind at rest.

I used to rent a field for my horses down a little country lane. At the bottom was a cottage, about 50m away.

A lot of the time I could hear an elderly lady groaning and crying out. She said "help me, help me" over and over. And called out for Andrew. If my partner walked past with the dogs, she would call him Andrew and ask for help.

I like you was worried. She had carers all day and her son, Andrew, in the evening who lived with her.

I spoke to him and he told me that's just how she expressed herself now. She had good days and bad. She loved to see the horses and dogs he said. Told me all about her before she got ill etc. Was very sad.

Ah bless her, that's very sad. I agree the neighbours should be the first approach as they might have info to reassure you without needing to contact anyone else. Failing that, definitely try to get hold of caters over family. Family members are likely to feel very upset and guilty to realise she sounds so distressed when they are probably already pushed to their limits in regards to visiting/caring for her and juggling their jobs etc

Carers*

I work for adult SS and we have had reports before about this kind of thing. If they can't trace your neighbour via their address I would knock on the direct neighbours doors, see if you can find out her name. Family may not realise she is groaning a lot when she is alone, does she sound distressed?

If she had late stage Dementia, it is unlikely she would be living alone, even if she does have carers in x amount of times per day.

I don’t think it’s nosy at all, I think it’s lovely. I would call SS or if really concerned about heat/neighbour left alone.

If she’s groaning all day - and it is due to dementia - it’s possible the popping in isn’t an adequate level of care, as best as intentions may be.

Even if SS check and all okay at least it’ll put your worries at bay.

It does seem awful but living like this is often a choice, if she lives alone at home then she'll have been deemed to have the mental capacity to make decisions for herself and also call for help/use a pendant alarm if required.

As daft as it sounds people often prefer to live alone like this then live in a care home. I'm a paramedic and it still baffles me, the quality of life in a care home is very very rarely worse then living at home alone...

@Hamster I agree. But certainly with my dad, it's the familiarity with his home that anchors what's left of his memory - and because of his memory loss he finds change very hard (at least at home he knows where the toilet is). I think he'd be better cared for in a home (will not accept carers, other than family, at home) and would probably live longer. But he wants to stay at home and, for now at least, it's his decision to make.