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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I deserve a day to mope about

14 replies

SpoiltDog · 27/08/2019 12:01

Was in hospital yesterday for a medical management miscarriage. It was horrible, I was vomitting and in a lot of pain. I was sent home yesterday evening.

Unfortunately DP couldn't come with me due to circumstances outside of our control. It was a very emotionally and physically draining day for me and this morning I just feel shit and like I need to cry.

My DPs kids are here and he wants me to come out with them whilst the weather is nice but I just don't feel like I can put on a brave face today and pretend to be happy as Larry infront of the kids.

He thinks it will make me feel worse to mope about all day. If it were just me and DP and I could be upset when I wanted to be, cry a little without worrying etc... I'd probably enjoy a little walk but I don't feel stable enough when the children are around so I think it's better for me to just be at home.

AIBU to think sometimes it's okay to just feel sorry for yourself for a day.

OP posts:

BeanBag7 · 27/08/2019 12:03

Sorry you've been through a tough time
I'm sure your partner is just trying to be helpful but you definitely deserve a day to mope and eat chocolate, if that's what your want to do

NoodlingAlong · 27/08/2019 12:06

Of course YANBU. It’s not something that can just be shrugged off. Take care of yourself and take all the time you need. Is your husband usually this clueless?

kaytee87 · 27/08/2019 12:06

You definitely should have a day at home if that's what you want
Just tell DP you want to rest and that you don't feel up to it.
He probably just feels bad about leaving you by yourself.

Original poster

SpoiltDog · 27/08/2019 12:08

Thanks. It's really hard. Sometimes I wish he didn't have children (that sounds horrible but let me explain). Like I wish I could be put first in these situations. I had to deal with it alone yesterday because he had his children with him, I have to be alone today because he has his children.

I think his kids are great and we get on really well and in day to day life I love how we all get along together but it's really hard in these sorts of situations when all I want is my partner but have to respect he is a dad first and foremost.

I just want today to think about myself and be a bit selfish. Not have to interact with children all day pretending to be absolutely fine when I'm really not.

OP posts:

Proseccoinamug · 27/08/2019 12:08

Crikey, I had six weeks off work when this happened to me. I was devastated and definitely couldn’t have been out and about the day after. Also felt very physically weak.

YADNBU

Original poster

SpoiltDog · 27/08/2019 12:09

I feel very much at the bottom of the 'priority pile'. Which he can't help because his kids should come first obviously but I'd be lying if I said it's not difficult.

OP posts:

Proseccoinamug · 27/08/2019 12:09

And my lovely friends took my dc out so that I had space and time. Even if they’re your own dc, it’s ok to need that.

kaytee87 · 27/08/2019 12:11

Can you call your mum to come over? Or a sister?

Original poster

SpoiltDog · 27/08/2019 12:12

My mum is at work unfortunately.

OP posts:

Proseccoinamug · 27/08/2019 12:20

No friends around that could come over or take dc out?
In this situation I’d happily pick my dc up from their dad’s and make sure he was able to make up the time with them. Is their mum reasonable?

Children do come first but something like this is higher priority than their day out.
If one of them was critically ill, then yes, I’d expect that he would prioritise being with them. If it was their birthday or gcse results day then yes, he should go and see them. But a day out they can have any time vs you going through this? I think he is out of order.

Original poster

SpoiltDog · 27/08/2019 12:29

Prosecco, unfortunately something happened just before I went into hospital meaning his ex absolutely couldn't have the kids otherwise I'm sure she would have done.

It was completely outside of DPs control and his ex's.

I've not said anything to DP. I was crying from pain yesterday and from throwing up all afternoon and nearly rang him just to talk but I stopped myself because I don't want him to feel guilty. I know he'd have been there if he could.

OP posts:

woodchuck99 · 27/08/2019 12:42

He probably just doesn't want to leave you by yourself especially after her couldn't be with you when you were in hospital. If you don't want to go out though I agree you shouldn't. You need to do what is best for you and not feel pressured into doing what other people think you should do.

ElizaDee · 27/08/2019 13:54

Can't the kids go to a grandparents?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/08/2019 14:28

OP so sorry for your loss

FFS OP no YANBU. I had MCs last year and needed a week of moping after the first two and 2 weeks after the second. It is tricky and it's really kind of you to be so sensitive to your DP responsibilities as a parent but YOU need to grieve, please tell him to give you the space you need.

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