Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Are you a shouty mum?

21 replies

Darksideofthemoon19 · 27/08/2019 11:36

Aibu to be feeling mega embarrassed about the amount of shouting I’ve done these summer holidays. The amount of times Iv had to repeat myself, or listen to arguing, whining, fighting. Iv just shouted for the numerous time today bevUze I asked dd12 to do something quickly which would take 5 mins before she went out to play and she spoke to me like crap saying she actually would like to go out today. So I lost it 🙈 not proud but I’m at the end of my tether and they don’t speak to anyone else like crap apart from
Me!

OP posts:

Fudgenugget · 27/08/2019 11:44

I'm a shouty mum and I am not proud of it. I sometimes don't have the right words to communicate effectively. Dh tells me to reign it in a lot. Now dd is approaching her teen years, I'll have to learn new ways to get her to do what she should be doing, and not come over as a nagging bitch. Dd hates me yelling, it's not effective, and it usually ends in a slanging match with someone leaving the house. It has to get better.

lolaflores · 27/08/2019 11:53

I am. But it tends to be when my last nerve has gone. Then I am like a bitch on roller skates. And I dont want to hear I am leaving it too late to say what I want. I've very clesrky expressed what I want to fuck all effect. It doesn't happen much as o have only1 at home but she is 12 and arsey too which doesn't help.
It happens. The hol7days are a stresser but if no one listens it is beyond frustrating. I include the friggin DH inbthis too.
I made the dinner the other day and thought...sod them. Not going to shout them all to come. Fed myself and went along my merry way.
Got some co fused looks.
I hate this menial position and thought folk might want a new slant on me pleasing myself and not being back of the queue.
I didnt have the energy for tue crowd control

SpeedyShutter · 27/08/2019 12:00

I'm a shouty mum as well. It's mainly around tidying up mess that I haven't made over and over again. It does my head in. Strangely, I'm not a shouty teacher. I try to apply the same principles and methods of behaviour management from the classroom to my children but it just doesn't seem to work!

BeanBag7 · 27/08/2019 12:12

I'm not a shouty mum but my daughter is only 3, so maybe when she is older and more annoying i might be!

My mum was very shouty and I hated it. Many of my friends were scared of her. I'm quite keen not to go down the same route.

Knickersononeshead · 27/08/2019 12:14

Unfortunately yes, I am 🙈 not something I'm proud of but shit happens 🤷‍♀️

Titsywoo · 27/08/2019 12:14

I used to be a bit but mainly when they were toddlers! Now they are teens I never shout. They are pretty well behaved though.

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 27/08/2019 12:17

See, I don’t shout at the youngest who is 3. She’s easy compared to the older 2 😂😩

OP posts:

MommaJP · 27/08/2019 12:18

I can be but I was feeling like I was doing it alot, so I just take items away now that bothers him more.
So I now just take Ipad or Switch or a game or a toy away seems to bother him more and saves my brain wanting to explode.

Not long and they will be back in school!!

Haggisfish · 27/08/2019 12:19

No, I find my kids don’t actually hear the message as they are scared if I shout. I also don’t want them to shout at me.

keepingbees · 27/08/2019 12:20

No, I grew up with a mum that shouted constantly and it really affected me. I lose my rag at times, of course we all do, but I'm just not a shouter.

Trebla · 27/08/2019 12:24

@keepingbees

I lose my rag at times, of course we all do, but I'm just not a shouter

Loosing my rag equals shouting. What does it mean for you. I'm curious.

formerbabe · 27/08/2019 12:29

My ds is 11 and sometimes just won't do what I've asked him until I've shouted. It's awful.

Let's say it's the morning and I need him to get dressed and ready for the day and he refuses. When he was little, I'd say in my calm voice "If you don't get dressed, then you won't be able to go to the park today and you want to go to the park don't you?" Then he'd get dressed.

It's not so easy with an 11 year old. Answers on a postcard please!

keepingbees · 27/08/2019 12:30

@Trebla I'll raise my voice and tell them off in a firm way but not yell if that makes sense. I guess everyone does this, I think I'm comparing to my childhood which was yell yell yell yell over anything and everything.

NoShitHemlock · 27/08/2019 12:32

I grew up with a shouty mum and it did me absolutely no harm whatsoever (my mum is awesome!), so when I had DD I made the conscious decision to not be a shouty mum which was great until DD started to talk back.....

Don't beat yourself up over being a bit ranty - your children know you love them and I think most teenagers have selective hearing so don't actually listen to you until you raise you voice.

TantricTwist · 27/08/2019 12:36

I don't want to be a shouty mum yet circumstances often dictate that I have no choice

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 27/08/2019 12:36

It’s things like “can you jump in the shower please”

But why do I have too? I had one (—like 5 days ago you tramp— 🙈) not long ago. Do I have to wash my hair? But I don’t like washing my hair. It takes so long. It’s boring.

😑😑😑

OP posts:

Trebla · 27/08/2019 12:37

@keepingbees

Thanks I think we are similar.

formerbabe · 27/08/2019 12:42

I once read on another forum a post from a woman who wanted to report her neighbour to social services for shouting at her children. The shouting neighbour had three older boys...the neighbour who wanted to report her had one pre school aged daughter and never shouted

kiwiblue · 27/08/2019 12:46

As others have said, my mum was very shouty. I was scared of her and hated it. Friends would comment on it. I think it was more when we were younger though, once we were teens she seemed a lot calmer. I don't want to be a shouty mum (DS is 2), but think I might have the tendency to be. It worries me.

doskant · 27/08/2019 12:51

It’s largely a matter of perspective though, isn’t it. What exactly is a shouty mum? I live next door to a very shouty mum on one side, while I’ve never heard the mum on the other side yell. Not once. Though that doesn’t mean she doesn’t. I think they’re both good mums and both sets of kids seem happy and well adjusted.

I doubt anyone can claim in all honesty they’ve never shouted. Does shouting once make you a shouty mum? Once a week? Once a day? Once an hour? How long is the shouting? How loud? Who is it directed at? What is being shouted? What is the emotion behind it? The motive? There are too many variables.

It’s not great to yell, but no one’s perfect. We’re all just muddling along as parents doing our best and as long as we’re trying to do better we’re on the right path.

mbosnz · 27/08/2019 12:54

Not really.

I'm more of a 'when I go quiet it's time to duck for cover, or alternatively do what has been requested right that very minute, or it's going to get very unpleasant and uncomfortable around here' type of Mum.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread