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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've ever bailed out of a holiday?

25 replies

ign0re · 27/08/2019 10:55

I'm meant to be going on holiday soon with a couple of girls.
I'm just back from holiday with one of the girls, and I've realised that despite years of friendship, I don't like this girl. She's very nasty and totally ruined the holiday for me. This holiday was booked prior to this trip, total regrets there.
I don't know whether to bail out of going or not. Will I regret it?

Have you ever bailed out of a trip and been glad you did?

I need some reassurance

Should I go?
YANBU = NO YABU = YES, GO

OP posts:
TeaLibrary · 27/08/2019 10:58

Definitely yanbu

The holiday sounds like my idea of hell

WoollyMummoth · 27/08/2019 11:01

Don’t go-lose the nasty “friend”. Life’s too short.

elvis86 · 27/08/2019 11:03

Is this girl generally unliked / a bitch? Will the other friend be miffed at you ditching her alone with her?

I wouldn't let anyone deprive me of a holiday, so I'd be going!

In what way did she ruin the last holiday? Just stand up to her?

sackrifice · 27/08/2019 11:04

Where is it, how long and in what way was she nasty and does the other 'girl'/woman you are going with feel the same?

walkintheparc · 27/08/2019 11:12

Can you not just go on the holiday and try to enjoy your other friends' company? Stand up to her when she is being nasty, correct her when she is saying something out of order in a rational and calm way? No need to turn into an argument or drama, but just stop her in her tracks when she is acting in a way that's unpleasant.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 27/08/2019 11:13

If it's going to inconvenience the others or put their price up then I would go

If you've paid for it all and theres nothing booked that depends on exact numbers then i think you can cancel. But if there are a few going, are you prepared to fall out with them all?

highheelsandbobblehats · 27/08/2019 11:15

Just on the face of it, I say bail, but we need more details really. Such as how many are going on this other trip.

Sparklesocks · 27/08/2019 11:17

I would say yes, but how would it impact the other friend? Would she have to pay more?

Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 11:18

It's a week in Europe.

I mean she has friends but I have heard from her that she has lost quite a few close friends in the last few years. We don't live in the same country and so I haven't spent much time with her in a long time, but kept in touch and met up whenever I'm in her town.
This last holiday just made me realise she hasn't changed since Uni, just wanted to gossip and bitch about people we know, which for me doesn't make interesting conversation, passed finding out who's engaged/married/has kids now... I found it really difficult to sit and listen to her speak so nastily, then on top of that when we were there we found out a friend of ours had been cheated on, and she literally laughed and said serves her right.

She ruined the holiday (on top of the above) by moaning constantly, sleeping in/taking too long to get ready and making us late/miss excursions that we'd paid a lot of money for, and then being annoyed with me for 'not waiting for her' when on the final day, I realised she wasn't going to be ready in time for the very expensive trip we had booked, so I went without her (it was the end of a long week of me being let down by her, I'd finally had enough).
She was furious with me and still wants me to apologise - I could understand if I had made her miss the trip but it was a case of her missing it or both of us and I'd already lost enough money this trip.

The other friend on this holiday likes her, and I'm sure they'd have an ok time... but there is the potential for her to have the same experience I did so that makes it tricky.

The three of us went away a few years ago and had a great time, so there is potential for it to be ok but I'm just not sure I want to risk it

OP posts:
Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 11:19

It wouldn't impact money other than airport transfers, everything else is paid for.

In fact I've even pre paid for drinks at a club that they'd get to enjoy as I doubt I'd get that back

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 27/08/2019 11:20

Hang on, you've just been on holiday with someone and you're also about to go on holiday with them again 'soon'? That would be too much for me even if it was a friend I really liked.

If you don't want to go, don't go. But obviously be prepared to potentially fall out with the other people you were booked to go with as well as the person you don't like.

Also, were there any shared costs? Is the other womens' holiday going to be potentially more expensive for them if you pull out?

Charlieiscool · 27/08/2019 11:21

If you will lose a load of money and if you can entertain yourself without her then go. Make your mind up to do your own thing over there.

dollydaydream114 · 27/08/2019 11:22

Ah, sorry - cross-posted. I think it would be fine for you not to go if you really think it would be uncomfortable for you to spend time with this girl. It does sound like your friendship has ground to a halt.

Twooter · 27/08/2019 11:23

Go and treat it as a last chance

Ragwort · 27/08/2019 11:24

Didn't you post about this when you were on the previous holiday?

Yes, I would cancel if it was me, and I think you can say with all honesty that it was clear that you didn't share the same views on holiday,you don't enjoy doing the same sorts of things, and that it would be better if she went with other friends.

I think holidaying with other people is fraught with problems, I have good friends that I could never share a holiday with, but I have another friend who, although we rarely meet up throughout the year, we have a great annual holiday together.

Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 11:24

@dollydaydream114 I know. So stupid.
This whole experience has taught me a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 11:25

@Ragwort no, not me but I agree with you on the whole about certain friends work for holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 11:27

@Twooter I've thought about it this way too but do feel the friendships run it's course.
There's been red flags I've ignored for a long time, I'm rubbish at cutting off friendships.

OP posts:
MzHz · 27/08/2019 11:29

There are 3 of you? Great! Then if you want to leave her to fuck up every excursion, you can!

it MIGHT make her wake the fuck up, especially if the other friend youre going with does the same!

Be prepared to be self sufficient and do your own thing, the minute she starts trying to make things suit her, shut her down. Remind her of all the expense she cost you in the last holiday, and that if she doesn't want to be excluded to be ready on time or suit herself.

Tough line with people like this - they want everything to be about them all the time, well - newsflash love - it's not.

I'd go, but with my game face on and ready to do battle :D

Toooldtocareanymore · 27/08/2019 11:46

YANBU

Crunchymum · 27/08/2019 11:53

Ex and I split 6 weeks before we were due to go away (somewhere we both loved!).

We discussed going as friends and I was almost tempted as we had an amicable break up, but with 5 weeks to go I decided to bail out. With his agreement I then sold the holiday (back when you could do that) and as I'd instigated the break up, I absorbed the financial loss (a few hundred for name changes etc...)

adaline · 27/08/2019 11:56

I think as there's three of you, you should go - it's not fair on the other friend if you cancel at such a late stage.

Newschapter · 27/08/2019 12:03

I pulled out of a holiday after my 'friend' was hateful to me.

She stole my purse and watched me cancel my bankcards before saying 'haha here it is' Hmm

When holiday shopping she told me 'as a friend' that our other Nate's thought I looked like a boy, why didn't I grow my hair, why didn't I wear dresses' and as I have a physical disability ( a visible one, think a curved spine) she dreaded to think what I'd look like on a beach.

I went into the travel agents (yes, this was about 25 years ago), took my name off the booking, I lost the money I had paid but I didn't tell her.

I stopped speaking to her, but she rang me after she had been in to pay more money off her holiday and they told her that she and the other two mates had to pay a bit more for the room as I wasn't going.

I didn't care, I was so relieved. We worked together too and she told my boss I had fallen pregnant which is why I wasn't going on holiday anymore Shock needless to say I told our boss the complete truth and she wasn't surprised as this friend had form.

So just don't go on holiday, don't put yourself through it. It's not worth it. It took me a long time to get over the hurt.

Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 12:04

@crunchymum
that's very fair of you but unfortunately not an option for us, I already looked into someone else taking my place but the travel company refused to make changes

OP posts:
Original poster
ign0re · 27/08/2019 12:05

@Newschapter
That's awful, I'm so so sorry someone treated you this way.

OP posts:
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