To not want DS to eat processed food all the time

[GeneralCustard]

DH was brought up on, quite frankly, a rubbish diet. DH remembers having Pot Noodles and crisps for dinner two or three times a week, tinned macaroni or beans on toast with crisps on other nights, a Milky Way for pudding and Vesta curries as a weekend treat.

He does not remember eating vegetables!

Anyway, even though he now knows about healthy eating and I’M A COOK he still comes back from the supermarket with absolute crap. Ready meals, stuff full of E numbers designed to appeal to children, huge bags of sweets, multipack of crisps, plasticy looking puddings, juice drinks, full sugar pop, flavoured stuff...

I cook. I cook every day. There are homemade “ready meals” in the freezer. But DH says it’s fun to buy these things and it didn’t do him any harm. It did! He’s overweight and has a sweet habit that he’s had since he was a toddler. The doctor has warned him about his diet. He’s put on overvtwo stone since DS was weaned because he’s rediscovered his childhood food. He’s ten years younger than me and I can out run, walk and swim him.

I am determined that DS doesn’t go the same way but the minute my back is turned he’s being fed crap. Luckily I’ve taught him about healthy eating and unlike his father he shuns most of it. He’s five.

Yanbu I'm just reading about the gut microbiome and constant processed food will mean they have a much less diverse gut microbiome and set them up for all sorts of potential problems in the future including weight problems, diabetes, cancer, digestion issues etc. Can you get him to read up about it or pay to go see a dietitian to all learn as a family about the impact of what you eat. This is the time to get your dc used to good food and vegetables and not lots of junk to set them up for a healthy life.

Of course YANBU to want your child to eat healthily. The junk foods are ok as a treat and in moderation. Your DH sounds like a man-child. It sound like you're doing an amazing job with your DS. All you can do is carry on teaching him about food, good eating habits and hope he makes sensible choices when he's older. People these days don't tend to have much patience and don't exercise self control when feeling hungry so all of the quick to make, highly processed foods are too tempting for some.

Do the shopping yourself

brittlestar DH has horrendous indigestion, he buys Gaviscon (so?) and carries it everywhere. Before I met him I didn’t even know what that was!

He doesn’t want to believe the doctor so he says the dr just scares people. For what reason the dr would do this other than try and help them I do not know 🙄.

I actually went to a dietician when DS was small because DH wanted to wean him on rubbish, DH didn’t go. He wouldn’t go. He’d have to listen to things he doesn’t want to hear if he went.

Luckily I’m the major care giver and so feed DS most of the time. When it’s not the holidays, DH sees him for meals on the weekend. We went to a birthday party and DH kept saying “See, they’re all eating cake and crisps and stuff...”. Yes, it’s a PARTY! 🙄

Confusedbeetle I do. I can’t bar DH from going on the way home from work though! That’s he other issue. We have enough food and he goes and buy more.

YANBU and this would really, really annoy me. Somehow you have to get him to understand what a huge issue this is for you!

God i couldnt put up with that! How old is he?

He sounds in absolute denial.

Can you have a sit down and a very serious conversation? How does he refute all the medical advice out there? All the iformation you can find online with a simple google search. Any article ever on healthy eating or e numbers and worse in processed foods. The fact that hes overweight?

And most importantly why is he happy to try and stuff that crap down your dcs throat?

YANBU. I was brought up on a diet of processed crap and fizzy drinks. It took a lot of work but I have learnt how to cook from scratch and eat a mainly plant based diet. I have also made sure my ds has always had a healthy, balanced diet. I can't understand how he can think it hasn't done him any harm. Although I was always skinny as a child the diet I was brought up gave me bad skin and terrible teeth and did god knows what to my insides.

sadkoala He’s 41. I think he thinks that’s just what you do, eat rubbish when you’re a kid. 🤷🏻‍♀️.

MIL looks after SIL’s three children after school and often moans about how she has to “cook three different means because they are fussy”. What she mean is she opens three tins for stuff on toast!

When I first met her she kept going on about how DH loved macaroni cheese as a boy and eventually I asked her for her recipe. She didn’t say anything, just silent, it was very odd. I asked DH about it later and he said it was because she only heated food up out of tins and packets, didn’t cook from scratch. It doesn’t help that when DS visit his GPS that they feee him the same stuff also but they live a few hundred miles away so DS doesn’t get to see them at their place often, they come down here more.

Absolutely not U in anyway at all. I was made to feel like an overprotective mum by family when I kept saying I didn't want my eldest to have processed food or anything with salt/sugar in it when she was under 18 months (despite me being a paediatrician). As a result, she absolutely loves everything with sugar in and has no self control for it (can eat more than one adult portion of cake/ice cream in one sitting). I've learnt from my mistakes and don't allow my second to have anything sweet except fruit. Fortunately family aren't so desperate to take him whenever they see him as the eldest takes all the attention!

You are doing amazingly well, I don't think I would be able to stay with my DH if he was hellbent to let mine eat junk in the same way.

Sorry about the typos. On my phone!

Gigia Yes, I’ve seen photos and DH and his siblings were all as skinny as anything (and pale) as children. One of his sisters is overweight now, as is he, but the other sister works out and is quite fit. Still eats rubbish though! She’s admits she can’t cook and is a Pot Noodle addict!

They are still all pale though, as are SIL’s children. DS has a healthy complexion and they always comment about it!

DH does have great teeth. Apart from a brace he has never had to have dental work! He is fastidious about cleaning and flossing. Thank goodness with all those sugary drinks!

I’ve tried telling him that he. We’d to look after himself so he’s there for DS’s adulthood as long as possible. My family live well into the 80s, some much longer. His family die in their late 60s and early 70s.

🙁

YANBU in principle but also I feel for your DH a bit. You're basically sending the message that his family's way of doing things was grossly inferior to yours and his childhood was shit, which can't be very nice to hear (even if it's true).

I completely get that you want your son to eat well - you are of course absolutely right to want him to be healthy. But also there's a really strong sense of superiority in your post which I'm sure your DH has picked up on, and I think I would find that a bit bruising if I were him. It doesn't sound like you're tackling any of this in a way that's very sensitive.

It doesn't sound like you're tackling any of this in a way that's very sensitive.

I’m probably not. I do ask DH when he says he “popping out to the shops” to not bring rubbish into the house. He still does.

He has breakfast and lunch at work on a weekday, and I have dinner cooked (which he likes, I don’t make him stuff he doesn’t like) when he gets in, so I’ve asked him to eat his preferences for the other two meals and not have the junk in the house.

Last night he came in with a box of Magnums and sat and ate two asking DS continually if he wanted a lick. (DS didn’t.)

I'm wondering if your dh is a similar age to me, then opening cans or vesta meals were considered cooking. My mum did cook but in between there was lots of junk frozen Iceland mini pizzas AND chips, lasagna (fine) served with chips AND garlic bread. Salad very much a rarity.

Balance is needed so have a junk food night when he chooses

I think you're being TOO sensitive! If my DH was overweight and sat eating 2 magnums I would be disgusted! 1 is more than enough. They're sickly sweet, full of fat and sugar. I would be so angry about him persisting to try and shove junk food at our child. It doesn't matter if he doesn't like to hear that his eating habits due to his upbringing are shit. The truth is a hard pill to swallow. He needs to learn to break the cycle and learn how to eat healthily. Does he not want to live long enough to see his child grow up? His diet sounds like a first class ticket to a heart attack.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable.

Does he really understand how much this bothers you? I would really try to impress upon him how serious this is and how strongly you feel. Hopefully this will result in him making more of an effort with healthy eating.

If he flatly refuses and you feel like you can't get through to him then I really don't know what else to suggest. I couldn't live like this, I would be constantly worried about the DC. It's not even so much the fact that he's still buying unhealthy food - it's the fact that he isn't listening to you and doesn't see it as a problem.

He does know his weight is an issue. He is the o my one in the office who doesn’t play in the five aside team (although he does other social events with colleagues, just not sports one) and recently on holiday, he went down to the pool on the first day (DS and I were keeping put if the sun u TIL later) and he came back up saying “You know there’s always one fat guy sitting around the pool...? Well that’s me now” and he wasn’t happy about it.

But not concerned enough to not eat a large pizza for lunch with fizzy drink and pudding.

I’ve just worked out that half the meals he eats are out of the house. Breakfasts and lunches Mon-Fri and the occasional meal at weekends when he’s out and about, sometimes with DS. Surely it’s not a lot to ask him to stick to eating his unhealthy stuff just when he is out of the house?

He could have breakfast at home, he’s up in time, but prefers the work canteen because he gets bacon sandwiches and he probably knows I would say something if he cooked those every day. I think he has them every day though 🙁.

I would keep one big bag of sweets, one multi pack of crisps, and one ready meal per person, and dump the rest straight into the food recycling bin. The stuff that you have saved goes into the cupboard for treats over the week. The ready meals are served up with vegetables or salad on the side.
Repeat every time he does this, until he gets the message. Processed foods are ok as an ocassional treat, or a small part of the overall diet.
There's a ton of evidence that ultra processed food has major implications for long term health outcomes, and quite frankly anyone who deliberately ignores this when it comes to feeding their kids needs to have a rethink, IMO.

feelingverylazytoday

Doing this now. Can I take unopened stuff back into the supermarket for the food bank does anyone know? (I wondering if they honk people might have tampered with it if it’s left the premises) plus what’s the verdict on Alphabetti Spaghetti and Numberetti 🙄? That is one of the processed things that DS does like because it’s letters and numbers. He wouldn’t eat a tin of spaghetti hoops though!

You can't change your husband.

You can influence your son though. It sounds like you are doing all the right things already.

Just make sure your influence on your son regarding diet outweighs your husbands influence.

I think your DH has the right to buy and have food in his home. Even if you object to it.

So no taking anything anywhere without a discussion. Otherwise your DH has entered a controlling relationship.

There is a level of denial and also him having to admit that his Mother didn't do what was best for him. Which is difficult.

You can insist that your DS is fed a diet that's in his best interests. I agree on you on that issue.

One thing i did resent about my childhood was being fed a rubbish diet, which caused me to, look unwell, be overweight and have damaged teeth. Nutritional food cooked well tastes much better that processed rubbish.

It took me until my thirties to fully appreciate good food. We had stand up arguments about what she fed my children. I couldn't just go to friends and relatives houses growing up because they cooked properly and i didn't eat any of it.

She tried to blame me when challenged. She thought after being fed chippy teas and out of tins, i should happily took into vegetables.

Stick to your guns, but unfortunately your DH is entitled to autonomy.
But you change your childs tastebuds and set cravings.

MagicKingdomDizzy

Just make sure your influence on your son regarding diet outweighs your husbands influence.

I think it does. The other mums we know all say DS has a healthier diet than their children (they don’t see the junk at home of course) and DS will always eat his salad on play dates and choose a healthier option when out.

I don't know how you tolerate your husbands gluttony and obesity. That would be a deal breaker for me. He'll be lucky to make it to 50 without very serious health problems. I'd be telling him to shape up or ship out.