To have not said anything?

[Bobbiepin]

Rare night out with DH, on the bus to a restaurant when two (white) men, drunk as anything get on. Totally loud and obnoxious, enough to make me avoid eye contact and reach for DH's hand.

They sit at the back of the lower deck, there's another white couple and a black mum with three kids next to us. A few minutes into the journey, obnoxious men at the back shout out the N word. Woman next to us is visibly annoyed/upset/scared and pulls her kids closer to her. I said that it was disgusting, hopefully loud enough for her to hear but was too scared to confront the men.

Dh asked me over dinner if he heard what he thought he heard, and then said he would be worried about confronting two guys on his own, especially whilst they were that drunk.

So WWBU for not saying anything to them? Or to the woman? I can't stop thinking about her and the whole situation makes me feel a bit sick.

I can understand your apprehension at confronting the drunks. Another way of handling it would have been to alert the driver who would have dealt with the problem, either by putting them off the bus or phoning the police. If you'd taken matters into your own hands then the situation could have easily escalated, through no fault of your own.

Confronting and risking being beaten or stabbed? No.

Alerting the driver would have been potentially the safest response. But it's hard to think of that or act on it if you're feeling frightened and threatened, so I wouldn't beat yourself up.

The risk is that anything you did could have been seen as an escalation, and you don't know what would happen next. Anything that could show solidarity with the lady would have been good.

Drunk idiots looking for a fight are probably best ignored if possible. If there was the slightest movement towards the lady and her children I would have moved closer to them and Paddington heard stared the drunk idiots. I'd also tell the driver and ask for the CCTV to be looked at. It's difficult in the heat of the moment so don't be too down on yourself.

Agree with previous poster in showing solidarity.

I totally agree anything that could cause escalation would have made me nervous but sure I've read somewhere that something as simple as moving next to the one being victimised or striking a conversation with them, ignoring the vile behaviour can be enough. It shows that they are not alone but without potentially risking anything further

That being said, I've never been in this situation and sounds just awful

Thank you, I feel awful about it. I want her to know that they are the minority and the rest of us think its appalling behaviour. I wouldn't have thought to speak to the driver or to sit with her (one of the kids was sat next to her but I could have stood infront) but I will keep that in mind.

Similar thing happened when I was on the bus with a couple of friends, one guy horribly drunk and picking on an Asian lady sat next to me being awful and racist. We kept telling him to go away, leave her alone.

Bloke from back of the bus came down, completely calm and said to the guy.......you're getting off at the next stop, the drink bloke just looked astonished and actually got off.

Different scenarios but I was impressed at the calmness of the throwing off the bus guy.