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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to just not care about sex?!

7 replies

whitesockss · 26/08/2019 23:16

Have been with DP for 3.5 years, living together for 1.5. I'm 26, he's a couple of years older and we have no children.

He is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him. We're a great team, communicate well, have the occassional small tiff if one of us is overtired (or I'm hormonal) but 99.9% of the time have a wonderful loving relationship. We are very affectionate with each other and hug and cuddle and kiss each other a lot.

I am definitely attracted to my DP, but I hardly ever want to have sex. It's not personal though- I don't really want to have sex with anyone. Sex hardly enters my mind at all, whereas it used to be all I could think about!

When we do have sex, maybe once a week or every other week on average, I do really enjoy it once we get into it but never have the urge to initiate. It's like I almost have to psych myself up to do it. I know once a week probably doesn't sound that bad, but as we're still fairly young and don't have any children yet I feel like we should be doing it more.

Before we got together, I went through a bit of an 'experimental' phase for a couple of years having previously been in a couple of long term relationships. It was fun while it lasted, and I really enjoyed sex at this point in my life.

DP and I both lead independent and full lives. I have quite an emotionally demanding job and have recently taken up an old hobby which I am spending a lot of time practicing. When I think about sex it's almost as if it's just at the bottom of my lost of priorities- I'd rather have a good night's sleep Blush

I've been on the pill, and came off it about 8 months ago and wondered if my sex drive would come back....It hasn't.

Sorry this is so long...not sure what the question is really. Just wondering if anyone else has had something similar, looking for some reassurance I suppose!

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 23:21

Well, is your DP okay with it because if he is who cares really?

user1473878824 · 26/08/2019 23:21

(In a nice way!)

Crabbitstick · 26/08/2019 23:22

The pill did something similar to me.
Some people here say the more you have sex the more you’ll want it - like giving yourself a kickstart.
It’s only an issue though if you or your partner aren’t happy with the current frequency.

Drogosnextwife · 26/08/2019 23:22

This is exactly the same as me. I thought it was my contraception, but maybe not then if you still feel the same after coming off yours.
I just can't be bothered, like you I enjoy it once we are having sex but I never initiate it and have to psych myself up for it.
I want to want it more but I don't.
We have my mum living with us just now and have to keep it to a minimum because of the squeezing bed. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted because there is a decent reason not to and there isn't any pressure.

bridgetreilly · 26/08/2019 23:22

There's no amount you 'should be' having. You and your partner are the only ones who get a say and so long as you're both happy, that's literally it.

MrsB25 · 27/08/2019 04:44

I could have written your post myself! No advice but feel exactly the same. Also came off the pill earlier in the year and hoped that would help but it hasn’t.
Hoping to start TTC in the next couple of months so definitely need to get in the mood for wanting it more!

xoxoluna · 27/08/2019 05:12

Is your partner concerned with the amount of sex?

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