Aibu to think my ex should be paying more maintenance?

[KB197]

Just a quick background. I have DS with my ex we split DS was tiny. DS is 9 soon. At first we had our own arrangement. He would give me a set amount each week. This became inconsistent so I ended up contacting the csa which calculated how much he should be paying. At this point he wasn’t earning very much at all. Minimum wage job etc so I didn’t expect more. He pays £35 a week. £140 a month.

As many of you might know. The csa changed to a new system which charge fees, encouraging parents to make their own arrangement which he decided to do. I wanted to stay with the csa for consistency and also their calculations. He has been okay at paying so far. But he doesn’t pay much.

So.. since making our own arrangement over the last 2 years my ex has started his own business self employed and seems to be earning considerably more money than he did years ago. He is very boastful. He picks DS up and says how he’s doing so well (could well by lying idk), they have many luxuries in life, holidays, meals out etc. But is still paying me the same amount. Should I suggest more? Considering how much he goes on about how much money he earns?

He does however have a child with his new partner.

He barely sees our son (couple hours a week) and doesn’t have to provide in anyway. He’s never had to put a roof over his head, feed him, buy clothes, take him to hospital apps, pay for school trips etc etc.

The money I receive for him a week didn’t even make much of a dent in the school uniform shop.

My Oh provides for DS with no problems but I can’t help think he should pay more.

Aibu?

I have no way to calculate this when I have no idea what his earnings are and the csa case is officially closed!

Advice?

He barely sees our son (couple hours a week)

He's not much of a dad is he?

I would give him an idea of expenses directly related to DS and ask if he could increase his CS.

Do it in a calm and non demanding way.

The problem with NRP that own their own businesses is that it’s so easy to falsify their wages.

My ex goes on three foreign holidays a year, 4 bed house, two cars etc. Has to pay £6.60 a week as he’s pays himself a pittance and the rest cash in hand.

Just be aware he could do this and be unreasonable

YANBU and you should ask him for more but sadly the CMS are notoriously useless with self employed NRPs so they’re unlikely to enforce anything.

The thing with self employed is that just about everything is tax deductible - tools, vehicles, insurances, phones, clothes, entertainment, dining out, and so forth .

To give you an example, a friend took 3 months out, back packing the Asia Pacific rim and wrote it all off against her restaurant as 'fact finding' and 'sourcing leads'.

I get the same off my ex I would probably be entitled to more but I dont think there was any need to challenge it. We do alternate weeks for dinner money and divide activities costs. This year ds is going to senior school and the uniform has been expensive so we split the costs previously in primary we bought our own, we also go half on trips. Maybe suggest this as extra it works for us because I'm also involving him with ds.

Next time he mentions how well he is doing /how much he earns you could bring it up.

"It's so great to hear that you're doing so well, perhaps it's time to increase your maintenance payments. I can email you a link to the CMS calculator so you can get an idea of the right amount."
Not a demand, just a suggestion and see what his response is. You could always open a new case with CMS if he refuses and you really think your son is entitled to more. Unfortunately with self employment it is easier to trick the system and disguise income to reduce maintenance.

I’ve never demanded money. I’m not that way inclined but a little extra would be nice.

In not saying you would demand...but if you let him know that costs have increased and you would appreciate an increase towards his son.

You could use the CSA calculator to get an idea of what he should pay but if you're really unsure you could open a case for a charge of £20, have them calculate it and get him to pay you that directly. There would be no further charges if you do this.

As people have said before, self employed people are good at hiding their true earnings and you would only be entitled to what HMRC says he earns.

Thank you all. It’s such a nightmare sorting it all out and I’m actually a very shy/anxious person who hates having to ask people for something. I’ve just gone with the flow for years but everything is so expensive these days and DS has additional needs and there are more costs in raising a child with such needs 😭

To be honest I wouldn’t know any difference if he didn’t brag how well he’s doing. It seems like he’s digging a hole for himself. I have no idea how much he earns but it seems a lot more than when I was with him!

I think it would be so hard sorting this amicably, seeing as he isn't making sure what he's paying is enough.

Could you politely tell him that as he is getting older he is getting more expensive - clothes, gadgets, pocket money and would he be able to afford more?

But why did you stop the case? When it moved over to CMS from the CSA, they only charged fees if they had to collect the money from his account and then pay it into yours. You didn't have to use that service. You could have kept things the way they were. The CMS will use his tax return and do an assessment every year. They will write to you both each year telling you the payment schedule. He needs to pay the stated amount directly to you and then there are no fees to pay.

The only way he'd end up paying extra in fees is if he failed to pay. Then you could move over to collect and pay.

Loads of self employed parents fiddle their tax returns so it looks like they earn nothing, and if he is doing that then you won't get what you're entitled too. But if he is honest with his tax returns then you will get what you are due.

Personally contact cms. The fee to set it up is a one off at £20. For this they calculate the figure. If you use the direct pay system they decide how much but he pays it into your account. They review every year no extra fee no monthly fee. If he fails to pay they move to collect option. The collect option would mean for every 100 he has to pay you, you get 96 and for every 100 he has yo pay they take 120. This is because he has to pay 20% fee to them and you 4%. This comes in handy as when my ex kicked off that the amount went up last year and we use the direct pay do no fees. I told him its fine if he don't pay they will take it from him and the £12 I loose will be worth it when they not only take the new figure but £60on top. He decided not to argue. Direct pay means I know I get paid and he avoids fees. With the fact they work out the amount by reviewing each year so he doesn't stitch me up as its the only thing he does do for his son.

The only thing i'd say is be aware that it can take a while to set up with csa. I made my first application on the 13th may and they still haven't done my calculation (15 weeks later) let alone enforce a payment and it should have been a simple application - he is employed and has a p60 so they know his full earnings. The only benefit is that they will enforce the payment and it is back dated to the date you apply - so when mine is done he'll have 12 months worth of CSA to pay over 8 months. We've gone for direct pay but if he argues or plays up i'm happy to lose 2% knowing the extra 20% he'll have to pay will piss him off more. Wish you all the best with it x