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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this is too much?

30 replies

SimplyBeBlythe · 26/08/2019 17:49

Out for the BH with family. Niece hit one of her cousins. SIL told her off and made her say sorry - correctly in my opinion. Then SIL said ‘now curtesy to show you mean it’ and niece had to curtesy to her much older cousin.
Has anyone heard anything like this before? MIL treated it like a joke but SIL was totally serious.

OP posts:
1066vegan · 26/08/2019 17:56

Getting a child to apologise for hitting another child is good parenting. The curtsey bit is weird.

Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 26/08/2019 18:01

I have issue with the saying sorry - or with the saying it like you mean it. But the curtesy was just weird. Apparently they all do it - the boys bow and the girls curtesy.

OP posts:
Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 26/08/2019 18:03

That should say no issue!

OP posts:
MolyHolyGuacamole · 26/08/2019 18:05

Well that took an odd turn...bizarre

BlueCornsihPixie · 26/08/2019 18:14

Yeah that's really weird. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, not entirely sure why but it's really bizarre

Dippypippy1980 · 26/08/2019 18:30

It’s odd. Hopefully they realise it is peculiar to their family, and don’t carry the habit into later life😊.

Mouikey · 26/08/2019 18:44

Next time you go out with them, remember your tiara 😂😂 totally weird, unless of course they are from a different culture (for the Boeing, not sure about the curtesy!)

Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 26/08/2019 18:56

Don’t! New prospective SIL were privately in fits suggesting things like this (wine may have been involved). Can you imagine child at school demanding that other child who has wronged her does an apology curtesy??

OP posts:
Michaelbaubles · 26/08/2019 19:01

It’s kind of a nice family tradition though - after the (almost definitely) half-hearted apology, you get a curtesy/bow that draws a line under the event, provides a bit of symbolic closure and allows everyone to move on. A good system if you have kids who will drag petty grievances out for hours on end...

DowntonCrabby · 26/08/2019 19:07

That’s hilarious!

who does that make you then in the royal family?

Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 26/08/2019 19:19

😂 judging by today I must be the late Princess Margaret - she was known to be fond of a drink or two.

OP posts:
fargo123 · 27/08/2019 07:53

Then SIL said ‘now curtesy to show you mean it’ and niece had to curtesy to her much older cousin

This is one of the most batshit things I've ever read on here, and that's saying something. SIL sounds crackers.

TooGood2BeFalse · 27/08/2019 08:22

That's......odd.

northernknickers · 27/08/2019 08:46

Are you in the UK OP? Are the family from a non-British culture maybe? It all sounds decidedly odd otherwise...almost coercive (note to self: stop watching Cult on Netflix!!). I would definitely have said something...and stopped (or tried to stop) the ridiculous curtsy from happening 😲

corythatwas · 27/08/2019 08:51

is SIL British?

I am Swedish and my generation was brought up to curtsey (if female) or bow (if male) as a greeting to our elders- nothing coercive about it (and actually much easier for a shy child than saying something)

not done there any more, but might I suppose be done elsewhere

but not appropriate in a different culture and SIL should be told

Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 27/08/2019 08:57

We are all born and bred in the UK. SIL is from Croydon.
The sunshine and booze made it seem funny yesterday but now I’m concerned about the message it is giving out. I know at son’s school they shake hands to draw a line under and incident - I’ll maybe suggest that?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 27/08/2019 09:01

Yeah that's odd and will not do down well in the playground.
But Miss, she won't curtsy to me!!!!! She doesn't mean she's sorry so I thumped but but then I cutrsied so I can't be in trouble.

Ours are all small, we do a cuddle, kiss or High 5

Cheeserton · 27/08/2019 09:05

Utterly ridiculous and very weird. What should she do if she really does something bad one day? Read out a statement of regret to the whole family while bowing deeply?

Original poster
SimplyBeBlythe · 27/08/2019 09:14

Smile @Cheeserton I was trying to take this seriously! Will see if DH can speak to his brother about it. Probably comes from some trendy celebrity parenting book.

OP posts:
lemonyellowtangerine · 27/08/2019 09:14

This is actually ringing a quiet little bell of familiarity for me from my childhood but I can't place it.

I don't think it's your place to stop it.

Why is a cuddle or handshake or kiss or high five better or less "weird"? Why would a child who's been taught to say sorry with a cuddle for example be more or less badly behaved than one who's been using a curtsy? I don't see why we'd expect the latter child to throw a strop at school about not receiving a curtsy but the former child not to do the same about a cuddle.

It's just being judgemental because it's unusual.

lemonyellowtangerine · 27/08/2019 09:16

What message is it giving out that's so concerning you want to meddle?! "I'm sincere and respectful"?

Andysbestadventure · 27/08/2019 09:16

It's to get them to be embarrassed. Which some believe helps corrects the behaviour.

wonderingsoul · 27/08/2019 09:17

I think it's a way to embarrass the child who's done the wrong doing .. a form of punishment.

At ds1 school they have to shake hands. Which is rediculas when bullying is involved imo.
90 percent t of time it doesnt stop the bully and all youv done is make the victim shake thier hand and belittled their feelings

lidoshuffle · 27/08/2019 09:20

That rang very distant bell form when I was a little girl 50 odd years ago. So long ago I can't even remember the memory and it wasn't something I ever had to do. Maybe it is an ancient folk memory or something! Grin

KUGA · 27/08/2019 09:26

Saying sorry is great but WTF.
When is she being knighted or canonised ?.