I feel so hopeless

[Poppyflo]

I have just finished my Masters and looking for work for the last 2 weeks. Have an interview tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get that.

Recently started dating a lovely man, who is now my boyfriend. Never met someone I liked so much.

I've been a student for the last year and finances not great. Lived mostly on student loan and doing some temporary work over summer period. I now only have 70 pounds left in my bank. I have a £500 overdraft that I haven't used from my student account. I've never had an overdraft and I'm quite scared of them in all honesty as my parents had regular debts when I was a child and we had an unstable home because of it

I am living with my parents and have been doing so since studying. They're understanding of my studies so don't expect rent but do expect contributions to food etc. My mum has since said this can stop as my student loan has stopped.

I suffer from bad anxiety and ocd. I have been awake countless nights for weeks in end worrying about having no money. Even if I get the job tomorrow, I won't get paid for at least 6 weeks anyway because of Start dates!

My boyfriend has also asked me to go on holiday, which I will now have to tell him I can't do, as I am extremely uncomfortable with letting him pay. There's a distance between us and it costs me 10 pounds to travel to him. I feel so sad that my monetary situation may affect that. When I see him he likes to buy me food coffees etc which make me feel bad as I obviously feel like I have to contribute - spending money I don't have, or letting him pay. Both make me feel guilty.

Im really at a loss as what to do. I know my situation isn't as bad as others - I have a roof over my head, no outgoings (apart from travel which is 20 a week and needed as I have a voluntary role 2 days a week).

Im trying to sort things to put on ebay to give me a more healthy bank account, and I'm treating finding a job as a 9 to 5.

Please can anyone offer me any advice on what to do? I feel so lost

Stop putting boundaries in place that are making you miserable, such as not using your overdraft.

Look for positives and count your blessings.

Let your new man treat you and pay it back when you get paid.

Is it time to speak to the GP about your anxiety?

You’re absolutely fine - honestly. The best thing is to be honest: tell your boyfriend you don’t have the money yet but next year you probably will; keep job hunting. You may well be able to get an advance (I wouldn’t make anyone wait 6 weeks for salary - I’d give them an advance no problem).

Make a plan. When I was in my early twenties I had masses of debt, got a CCJ and it was terrible time in my life. My aunt was forever bailing me out. I finally sorted myself out by getting a better job but properly budgeting and eventually all my debts were paid off. I’m 41 now, have a family, mortgage, nice house and well paid job. At 23 I thought my life was done but it had barely begun.

It's a choice not to work at least part-time whilst studying, and it sounds like it's a choice you can't really afford.

I'd be seeking any kind of paid employment asap. Sign up with temp agencies etc. A week sat on a reception desk will earn you some spends.

I agree I wouldn't be comfortable accepting a holiday from a new partner even if it was offered, but if you've explained your current financial position and he'd like to pay for activities together, there's plenty you can do fairly cheaply in the summer especially. Go for a walk and a picnic etc.

You need to take a step back, breathe and break this problem down little by little and try and tick each obstacle off, one by one.

Feeling awkward about finances and wanting to do stuff with BF - You need to be honest with him. Nobody likes talking finances, but you have to, otherwise the worry and your anxiety will kill the relationship. He's going to realise you're not flush, as a student with no income, but you need to let him know that you love spending time with him and appreciate it when he treats you, but feel awkward as you're not able to contribute equally. Also explain that you'd love to go on holiday, but when your finances are in a better place.

Having no money - Unless your volunteer roles are relevant to your studies, knock it on the head and use that time to work PT. It's lovely to volunteer, but life gets in the way at times and when I have to take some time back, I'm honest with the charities and usually I'm able to go back when life has settled down.

Feeling anxious - Please see your GP and talk to close friends and family.

Feeling inadequate compared to BF - if he wants to treat you, let him. In return, do some nice gestures that don't cost anything / much, like a romantic picnic, cook a three course meal, visit RT galleries, go hiking somewhere scenic, visit the beach etc. (depending on what you both like).

I've been in this situation before. It's soul destroying, but I managed to overcome it. You need to remind yourself that if the shoe was on the other foot, then I'm sure you'd do the same and treat him. Your financial situation won't be forever, so don't let it ruin a good thing.