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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that family just turn up as im about to make tea?

16 replies

AMAZINWOMAN · 06/08/2007 19:40

my family just turn up today as im about to make tea. They dont live too close and have to use public transport-so why cant they just phone first and check that its ok to come.

They turn up at about 5! and say dont worry we dont want anything to eat
i finf it annoying and today i said so-they just walked off!

OP posts:
massivebigpantsface · 06/08/2007 19:44

that is very annoying! I have a similar thing with mil phoning at 7pm most nights when I am trying to put dd down. I have told her and she still bloody phones!

Did you have a row or were they reasonably understanding?

Gobbledigook · 06/08/2007 19:52

Ditto re phoning at bedtime - what planet are they on?

FIL phones at 10.30pm at night and thinks it's reasonable - despite being told that it's not, he still does it. So half the time I unplug the phone

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 06/08/2007 19:54

LGJ waves at GDG how was the weather ??

AW how very very rude.

GoingThroughChanges · 06/08/2007 19:55

I would never make family feel uncomfortable at arriving at the wrong time.

I would never make them feel unwelcome.

But I guess that's just me.

How were they meant to know it was your dinner time, or is that usually your meal time?

If my family arrive at tea time, if I don't have enough food on for everyone then I make them a cup of tea & a plate of biccies & we chat.....

Peachy · 06/08/2007 19:57

God you don't know you're born! My family live 60 miles awaya nd don't drive, I would love them to drop by and I miss them

kyala · 06/08/2007 21:09

But in all fairness Peachy and GTC a quick phone call wouldn't go amiss?!!

I don't know anyone who wouldn't use the phone just to say "We're on our way" or whatever!
And at 5 pm you're bound to be eating in the next half hour- an hour right?!! So, it's safe to say that you'd be at least starting dinner at 5pm?!!

I'm with you on this one amazinwoman I'd be a bit annoyed too, especially if they have to get pubic transport (yes I know how I spelt it!!) you'd think they'd make the effort to buzz you first! Fair enough they don't want to eat but to have to sit and watch you eat is just silly!

fingerwoman · 06/08/2007 21:11

yes, unreasonable IMO. I am not bothered at all if people just turn up at mine at any time of the day (well, maybe if it was my bedtime lol)

GoingThroughChanges · 06/08/2007 21:17

Well... when we visit my IL's more often than not they are at their tea. We stop by around 7 as any earlier &MIL wouldn't be home from work & any later would be dc's bedtime.

They are usually either cooking or eating. I always say we'll sit in the livingroom until they are finished but they always say no!!

I agree, a phonecall wouldn't have been hard to do, but to travel on a bus to visit someone you clearly want to see & then get told you aren't welcome, is just a bit harsh imo.

oranges · 06/08/2007 21:18

i think its sad we've lost that habit on dropping in on people.

hannahsaunt · 06/08/2007 21:28

I'm with oranges. I love it when mine call by (and despite being 130 miles away they do as ddad and dbro both work here on occasion and can't nec make definite plans and do call in on the offchance; I love it). I just like having visitors...most are welcome most of the time.

Aero · 06/08/2007 21:38

I would never turn up unannounced at anyone's house, esp if they have young children or if it's around a meal time, but, even if I was a bit put out by people turning up at my home out of the blue, I'd never wish to make them feel unwelcome! I usually love to have people just popping round, but it doesn't happen much these days and I'm with oranges too about that. So, not unreasonable to feel a bit peeved, but unreasonable to make them feel unwelcome at the time. Perhaps just a mention as they're leaving of a phone call in advance next time (so you can put the kettle on, or say it's not convenient) would have been better.

Original poster
AMAZINWOMAN · 06/08/2007 22:11

I have asked a few times that they give me a phone call. My family dont listen though and generally arent supportive. They turn up and then comment on the state of my house-during a recent bereavement one member turned up spoke for an hour about her holiday, then said oh by the way sorry about the bereavement. I was the one responsible for sorting out all the arrangements too.

OP posts:
GoingThroughChanges · 07/08/2007 10:02

The funeral arrangements?

Oh, I guess it's different if you've already had thi conversation before & they ignored you

Are they close family members? Mum, brother, sister???? Or are they like second cousins, aunts etc.....?

Lorayn · 07/08/2007 10:12

I wouldn't be too impressed, we turned up at PIL's the other day and we could see that MIL was just about to dish up, so we tried to make our excuses and leave, but as she was pleased to see us, she stopped the dinner, put it all on low and told us to stay, nevertheless we shall be more careful about calling her in future.
She also turns up at ours as on say a saturday morning, when shes in the area, and I do wish I knew she was coming, as I'm often not dressed, or the house is messy or w/e, but she wouldn't turn up at teatime.
I'd mention it again, and say you don't mean to be rude but your dc don't concentrate on their dinner properly when there are visitors.

mm22bys · 07/08/2007 10:40

I think they should have rung, but yabu to get so cross at them, they are family, and 5pm is early to have dinner for most people (ie people with no kids), and it does sound like they didn't turn up expecting to be fed.

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/08/2007 11:16

The outlaws do this to me all the time. I am self employed but out of the house while kids at nursery, so its pickup, home, making tea with tired kids about, then the outlaws turn up.
I would not mind but I don't work full time, they have two days they can come all day, that would be good they can babysit while I get some child free errands done, but they won't come when its just me with the kids (cos they don't like me) they say they want to come when their son is there too. They prefer to spend a day with bil's gf and their latest grandchild, just cos she is so far up mils arse like I'm not even with my own mum, then they 'call in' here on their way home (2 hour drive) and land at 5.30 or 6 just as I am home with two tired and hungry kids as that time suits THEM to avoid traffic on the M6 going home.
Then they tell my sil and bils gf that our two are always wingey and grumpy, and that I always put them to bed as soon as grannie and granpa arrive so they hardly see them!!!
When they are not calling in at that silly time they phone up at 6.30 or 7.15, in fact any time during the 2 hours between work and bed that its absolutely manic - and they have never once said (as everyone else does) 'have I called at a bad time?
I once said that as I was on my own and was just about to put them in the bath, could fil ring back in 45 mins but he didn't ring back and I found out later from sil how 'rude' I had been!!!
Have I hijacked this thread? Sorry, just wanted a moan. Back to work now.

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