SIL sharing pregnancy news behind our backs (were only telling family)

[Carysmatic]

Yesterday while at a music festival my DH organised and performed at, I was approached by a woman who I had never met before in my life who came up to me and said "congratulations we hear you're pregnant" followed by "oh sorry do you know who I am?" Turns out she's a good friend of my SIL, who we only told last week, who knew we were only telling family. I'm only 7+4weeks so it's really early days. Now my SIL is known for being increasingly petty and I know she's been moaning to this friend about the fact that I'm pregnant. She has one DS but has put herself in competition with her siblings to do things first and made it clear she wanted to have her second before me and DH even had our first! Once she found out we were trying she went behind mine and my DH back and was telling people that I was forcing my DH into trying for a baby when he wasn't ready. Which is total crap, me and my DH decided to try together. I am so fed up with her crap and this feels like the final straw! AIBU?

She is a cow obviously...
But I never understand people who give out ttc facts!!
Nobody needs confirmation you are shagging!!
But now you know to tell her naff all from now on.

Ignoring the history, i think the friends at fault for mentioning it. That's for your DH to sort out.

I share confidential information with close friends, but swear them to secrecy.

I'd ignore it, you are getting wrapped up in unnecessary drama. Leave it to DH.

I share confidential information with close friends, but swear them to secrecy

You don't seem to understand the meaning of confidential. Presumably the friends you tell then share what you've told them and swear THEIR friends to secrecy. And so the confidential information ripples out.

I despise people like you @Ponoka7

Why even tell people you're trying for a baby?

Why did you or your DH tell your SIL about such an early pregnancy especially that you say yourself she feels she’s in a competition with her siblings?
What she did was not nice but you should have know better really.

I'm really good at keeping secrets. I (metaphorically) put them in a different part of my brain so they don't leak out accidentally.

Your SIL is useless at keeping secrets and you knew that when you told her. I can quite understand your annoyance but it's partly your fault. In future just don't share anything confidential with her.

The lesson is never to trust SIL with anything ever again, particularly something so private. Her friend is a dick for even thinking of approaching you, but the culprit is SIL.

Anyone who "shares" stuff about others but cries "I told you not to say anything" afterwards is a prick. It's gossiping, not "sharing" and it's shit that should stop by the time you hit 16.

It's pretty shitty of your SIL but she clearly doesn't care to keep your confidence so in future she doesn't get told until you're ready for it to be public knowledge.

YANBU to be annoyed but there's no point in having an argument with her about it now. She's not going to change and will likely enjoy getting a rise out of you.

Sorry she has done this. But next time don't tell her anything.

You all sound immature.

If you know she's a gossip, don't tell her anything you don't want the entire world to know. It's not really that difficult. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ponoka7 need a bitch slap, swearing friends to secrecy ? yes okay, if you say so. they probably don't trust you with their private stuff though as you are a blabber mouth,look up what confidential actually means.
god forbid you work in nursing or the like.

@Ponoka7
Blimey with friends like you🤔

Tell her some not true stuff and see how long it takes to get around.

Ponoka7 are you a troll?

I never understand people who give out TTC facts

Maybe because couples are often subjected to “ooh, LO would love a cousin to play with, when are you going to get that sorted?”
“You’ve been married for over a year now, when are you starting your family?” “It wouldn’t be fair for your DC to be an only child - don’t let the age gap get too big will you?” and other such bullshit that people are subjected to.
Perhaps OP said something along the lines of “well actually we’re working on it” just to shut them up?!

Given that you know sil has form, why on earth did you tell her (or anyone) that you were ttc and then pregnant at such an early stage? So she told her friend. I'm sure she didn't think her friend would bump into you and mention it. In any case it's not news you can hide for long, so next time maybe don't tell anyone and that way it can be kept secret until you decide when you want the world to know.

If you’re telling people that you’re TTC, you can’t be surprised when people are too closely involved in your business. Keep things to yourself. YABU

I know she's been moaning to this friend

You don't know the woman but you know your SIL has been moaning to her? This sounds like a bit of a test for your SIL not to blab which she has failed in your opinion. But that's what you were expecting and you still did it?

did ponoka7 not just mean she shares HER OWN confidential info with her close friends? That is how I read it. If so, apology maybe?????

Stop over sharing. Job done.

"There may keep a secret if two of them are dead."

You know what a cow your SIL is, yet you expected her to keep your confidence? I'm sorry, but this lack of judgment is on you.

Perhaps the op was in a position where she ‘had’ to tell SIL? She couldn’t drink, partake in an activity, was being sick everywhere...
Perhaps she was really excited and wanted to share the news with a close friend. Most people would know not to share that news as it’s such early days but the op can tell people if she wants.

Because I had ivf and was public about it, everyone knew I was pregnant because you can’t really keep it a secret. What can you say, ‘no it didn’t work’ or ‘well it might have worked but I’m not telling you yet’?

If you don't it spoken about don't tell people who don't wish you well your business.

I cannot fathom the telling of people early.

I am very careful whom I tell my business to. If someone I am friendly with repeated a confidence to me, told to them by their good friend, I mentally cross them off a list.

I cannot bare people who break a confidence. Utterly unforgiveable.

Luckily my friends are extremely discreet, as am I.

You told people about the ivf? Seriously? A stomach upset covers not drinking and being sick - although I don’t recall morning sickness as early as seven weeks. You never have to tell anyone anything.

Yes I told people about IVF. Why not? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.