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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

25 years older...

30 replies

ilovethebeach23 · 26/08/2019 10:01

Hi everyone,

Some of you may have seen my PP about being lonely at the moment as my friends aren't nearby. Well, I went back onto OLD recently as well as following the great advice I got on here.

However... I've matched and am talking to a nice man. We have shared interests.

He's 48. I'm 23...

WIBU to go on a date with him? I don't want to end up as an accidental 'sugar baby' or something... and I'd never tell my parents (still living at home). Is it unfair on him? Is it creepy of him? I've always liked the idea of a slightly older man (but I know 48 isn't slightly older)

Thoughts? TIA.

OP posts:
0lga · 26/08/2019 10:03

No don’t do it.

There’s no non creepy reason a man is interested in dating someone the age of his daughter.

Dandelion1993 · 26/08/2019 10:03

If you are interested in him and he in you then go for it but be prepared for people to share their 'thoughts' on it.

Alsohuman · 26/08/2019 10:06

What are you going to talk about? Neither of you will understand most of each other’s cultural references and the gap in your life experience will be a chasm. Personally I can’t see the point.

Anotherusefulname · 26/08/2019 10:07

There are 9 years between me and DH. I was 17 and he was 26. That was 20 years ago we are really good together. So I am not against age gaps and you might have a bit of fun for now but 25years is the same age gap between me and my dad, and I have watched him very quickly (over the last 5 years) turn to an old man, although he is still strong and active he looks and has the patience of an old man.

SimonJT · 26/08/2019 10:10

You need to do what works for you, not what works for someone else. If I had only dated people deemed ‘appropriate’ by others I would have been single my whole life.

Dinosforall · 26/08/2019 10:11

There's a whole internet out there, you home in on someone who is old enough to be your dad and can't see why this might be a bad idea??

RushianDisney · 26/08/2019 10:13

Nope, I wouldn't. I would think a man that age chasing young women was a misogynistic and only after one thing. You would be an ego boost and not much more, unlikely that he would respect you.

Pomegranateseeds · 26/08/2019 10:16

There are 21 years between me and my DH. We met in real life not OLD. I don’t really see that the age should make a difference if you have some shared values and interests (of course people of different ages can have things in common. What an odd comment!!)
Give him a try if you like the idea. You could always call it off if you find it weird after a couple of dates.

Pomegranateseeds · 26/08/2019 10:17

Not sure why other posters think he’s “chasing after” when OP just says they matched and are talking?
In my situation it was me doing the chasing!

KateWrong · 26/08/2019 10:18

As you say he is nice and you have shared interests, perhaps there’s no harm in meeting him and seeing how you feel? I have a relative married to someone 20 years older and they are very happy. What matters is the person really

Alsohuman · 26/08/2019 10:20

Yes, people of different ages can have things in common but rarely enough to base a lasting relationship on. Someone 25 years older than me would now be 90. That would be fun for me, wouldn’t it?

Vasya · 26/08/2019 10:25

Bad idea. There's absolutely no good reason why he's interested in women in their early twenties. He's either only interested in your youth because of how it makes you look, or he wants a partner he can manipulate.

This isn't a situation where you met in real life and really hit it off either - this is OLD, which means he was actively looking for young women.

Steer well clear!

Beamur · 26/08/2019 10:26

It's a big gap. No two ways about it.
You might get on well and maybe it's worth meeting but, this gap will mean very different experiences in life, could mean different expectations around what happens next (if you like each other) and in the long term you would be a younger woman with an elderly partner.

Eatsshoootsandleaves · 26/08/2019 10:30

There's 21 years between me and my DAD. So it would be too weird for me. The difference in everyday life is too big, he is looking at retiring/downsizing, I am raising my children and feel like I'm at the start of my career. We are worlds apart in our outlook even though we share interests (films/history etc). My husband and I are a similar age, and we are going through life together as a unit, his plans are my plans, his stresses are my stresses. I think that a 25yr gap would lead to a parent/child relationship rather than an equal partnership, so I don't think having shared interests is enough.

Missingstreetlife · 26/08/2019 10:33

Half his age plus seven is 31. He's too old. Try if you want but keep expectations low and meet in a public place. Talk to friends

usersouthcoast · 26/08/2019 10:33

I think my limit would be ten years older than me. There's a reason you don't want to tell your parents!

accidentalsugarbaby · 26/08/2019 10:39

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Thanks @Pomegranateseeds

I will mull it over... I think maybe I won't though. Reason I was prompted to ask is he's given me his number and asked me to message him, and I've always been wary of giving out my number on dating apps. Can't then just unmatch iyswim

dollydaydream114 · 26/08/2019 10:40

My ex was 20 years older than me. We aren’t together any more, but at no point was the age difference ever an issue or a problem or ‘creepy’ in any way. There were certainly problems in the relationship but none of them were connected to our ages at all. I have a friend who has been happily married to someone with a similar age gap for many years now and they have grown-up kids.

The only thing I would say is that, for obvious reasons, if this did become a long term relationship your future with him would be somewhat limited. You’d probably be widowed in middle age.

Lweji · 26/08/2019 10:44

Just think that when you're 48 he'd be 73... Would you want to take care of a pensioner in your 40s? And any children?

Having said that, he could be your perfect match otherwise.

But... don't go out with him because you are lonely. Only if he is indeed a fantastic match.

zafferana · 26/08/2019 10:44

A 48-year-old guy hitting on a 23-year-old woman is creepy. Full stop. Does he have an ex wife and kids? Bet he does.

Tableclothing · 26/08/2019 10:44

Do you actually fancy him? Think he's sexy?

Lweji · 26/08/2019 10:45

Ask him if he has a son?

HennyPennyHorror · 26/08/2019 10:48

I was on your other thread...don't do it! 43 year olds don't pursue women your age for much other than sex.

cacklingmags · 26/08/2019 10:51

No, No and No. Astonishingly creepy of him.

JacquesHammer · 26/08/2019 10:51

If you’d met them through a mutual interest or hobby, then it wouldn’t be an issue for me.

Through OLD I would avoid.

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