To think my year cannot get any shitter?

[Lushers]

I'm going to have a good old rant here and I'm sorry in advance for it being long, but WIBU to think that my year to date has been the worst year of my life and I'm now struggling in the aftermath... I could seriously out myself here but need your support more than anything...

My brother died in February from a long illness , I separated from an abusive shit of a DH in May and then my gorgeous elderly dad died in July. Holy shit just typing it makes me take a deep breath and think fuck.... what a year so far...
in fact the 6 months leading up to these events was terrible in multiple ways... to do with both my brothers And fathers dual decline in health for very different reasons.

After my brothers death and before my fathers death , my DH continued to be a wanker and was abusive and ended up taking an overdose as his final act of manipulation to make me conform/control me within the relationship. I wrote on here about that specific event/ situation and had a lot of support about leaving and ending an abusive marriage. I had to get the post deleted as DH found out about it from inside his psychiatric hospital (inpatient after his overdose)

I have 3DC who I adore and are coping admirably given the upset and death in their lives recently.

I'm struggling I guess to find peace with it all...
I'm struggling to see happy times around the corner for me but know they are there... I'm struggling in general a lot of the time but keep soldiering on for the DC.

I guess Id like a hand hold if honest and some kind words .. will it get better?

A hug and a handhold to hold you through this time lass.

I'm very sorry for your losses. There are definitely brighter times ahead and you will smile and laugh and find peace again. It may take time but it will happen, of that I am absolutely certain.

Oh OP. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother and your father. Congratulations on leaving a shitty marriage. It sounds like you’ve had a horrendous year and I am sending you lots of unMumsnetty hugs and I have everything crossed that your next year will be so, so much better xx

Have a hand-hold from me and a promise it will get better.

You have my sympathy for brother and father,
But with DH, people do not usually attempt suicide to manipulate anyone. If he is in mental hospital, then he too is very ill. Do you think mental illness not real?

What a horrible year, so much has happened to you. Well done for staying strong and struggling through - there are so many people like you wondering how to get through and then one day there will be sunshine I promise you. You can do this.
Love from someone else having a rough time

Have a hug and a handhold from me too. I do know that you will come out on the other side. I've just survived two years like this and I'm still here, and happier than ever. You will have that too with your lovely DC. Hang in there. It's tough when it feels like Fate is emptying its slop bucket on you.

@Azeema really? The OP hasn’t said anything like that and you have no idea of her situation with her husband. Unnecessary.

I'm really sorry. You have had a shit year, I agree. I've not had Q much better year myself. I think you just have to concentrate on the positive things. You've got rid of the horrible husband and you've got a better life ahead of you with your lovely children.. You need time to lick your wounds and catch your breath. When you've had to be so strong for so many people, I think it all catches up with you "when it's over". My very good friend died last month, and my mum and husband had been very ill too. Things have kind of calmed down now, but I still get huge waves of grief catch me at the strangest moments.

Big hugs to you.x

I'm so glad you left though....horrible, horrible year so far but you made the ultimate stride towards looking after yourself. Well done for that...it takes a LOT to leave I know.x

Sorry for the loss of your dad and brother

You will come out the other end, I know it doesn't feel like it but you will.

Here's another handhold.

You get through it. One day at a time. Grief never truly goes away, but eventually, the good memories shine through. Grief also has the effect of showing you the bottom line - you knew you were worth more and could not put up with the abuse any more. Yes, it's shit in the short term, but in the long run you have regained yourself.

Big hugs. Be gentle and allow yourself time for recovery from all this.

@user1473878824
“my DH continued to be a wanker and was abusive and ended up taking an overdose as his final act of manipulation to make me conform/control me within the relationship”

And @Azeema yes they do. Manipulative arses do. They know the partner will do anything to stop them hurting themselves and will do it to get what they want. They will overdose just enough / cut deep enough to need medical attention.. and make the other person feel guilty. It’s emotional abuse. I had an ex who would stand and cut himself in front of me to get what he wanted.

Thats a fucker of a year and you haven’t had time to even begin to process one thing before you’ve been hit by the next, and actually it’s only really been weeks since your dad died.

You’ve got to be kind to yourself, it will get better because you’re already making it better... you’ve taken steps with your marriage to sort that out, you need to try and carve out some peace and quite time to begin to let your brain catch up.

Yes, it will get better. I had 3 close family deaths in 2 years, one very traumatic. I remember thinking if anything else happens, I won't be able to cope. One day when the house was empty,I knelt by my bed and howled like an animal. It was unplanned, but somehow therapeutic. I went once to a counsellor, but found it hard to go because it meant going to that dark sad place in my mind on a day and at a time when I was feeling OK ( if that makes sense) and I could not do that as I needed to be strong for my family. In time I was able to live alongside my sadness. Grieving takes time. They say 2-5 years...but things get easier. I really wish you well x

@Poppiesway1 sorry I meant she hadn’t said she didn’t believe in mental illness etc. So many stories on here of women’s abusive husbands and partners threatening to kill themselves if she does anything to get herself out of the situation. Of course it happens. So sorry you went through that.

All your messages are so caring and supportive and I thank you hugely for replying.
I'm lying here in bed, the house quiet and I want to cry for all that has happened but I'm so bored and tired of crying...those who say Grief comes when it comes- is so true.. it's not linear...
I know this..
I feel now is the time to put that past behind me and to look to a better and happier future....

Things will improve OP. Not at once but gradually. The death of my parents hurt me deeply but, now, I still think of them often but things are not raw. In fact I have a chuckle sometimes, because of fun things I remember. Thinking of you.

Just keep breathing op. It's very early days, you are still reeling from your losses. Things will seem easier, you have done well to get out of a bad relationship and protect dc. Try to get plenty rest and exercise, eat well and don't drink too much. One day soon you will realise the balance is shifting. Best wishes

Cry if you want to. It's a good release and will help you start over.

It's long road but, think of the positives for you and your DCs. There are some excellent books in the"Overcoming" series.

A hand to hold but you have got this. You have, really, got this. Your first step was the hardest and it will get easier. You but you and your children first.
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad and brother, it must have been so difficult for you.

You don't have to make peace with it all - not yet. You have had a monumentally shit year and you are still coping with it. All I can say is please please be really vigilant about self care. One bereavement or marriage break up is horrendous loss but two major bereavements, a marriage breakdown and your ex-s suicide attempt all within months - that's a recipe for completely going under. Please be really really gentle with yourself if you feel upset. You have every right to feel whatever you feel. If you need duvet days or to cancel social plans, do.

Make sure you are eating well, getting fresh air and exercise. Make sure you have a stack of box set comedies to watch on a loop, lots of lovely bath products, uplifting music etc - all the things you need to give you a small boost when you have a really tough day.

And you really need some support - have you got a bereavement counsellor? Seriously good friends? Other close family? It would be good if you had someone else keeping an eye on your wellbeing too, if that's possible. At very least, stay on here. MN is great for this sort of thing.

Everything millefiori said so beautifully. That is so much to have dealt with. Fact is tho you have dealt with it and looked after your children, and you should feel very proud off yourself. Of course you must grieve, and it is very hard, but I’d guess part of what you are feeling right now are the aftershocks of just coping and coping for months and months. Self care though. Think of some tiny treats for yourself, perfectly achievable, then some bigger ones, that it might take a bit of work to achieve. Then something breathtakingly outrageous. Plan for the big one.

So many really supportive and helpful things people have said. I so appreciate it. I have had a counsellor for the last few years for the issues I've had in my marriage who has helped me a lot. I have a massively supportive DM and 2 other Brothers who help me emotionally and are a great support. I have lots of close female friends too who have been amazing.. I feel very lucky to have these people in my life to support me. I just miss happiness and feel life is hard right now.
Thanks again for all your support x