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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

the boy

32 replies

richardhh · 25/08/2019 21:24

AIBU to be annoyed when wife backs kids (boy) rather than me?
Boy (7) shot sister (10) in head with foam dart gun.

I told him not to immediately before he did, turned out not to be loaded but he still "shot" when told not too.

I sent him to bed (it was around his bed time) but wife thought it wasn't an issue and argued point in front of kids, AIBU?
If she lays the law I back her 100%, really annoyed at this one!

OP posts:
my2bundles · 25/08/2019 21:27

It wasn't loaded so therefore he didn't shoot his sister with a foam dart.

FloatingObject · 25/08/2019 21:29

My dad also used to be "it's the principle of it"ish with us. The result was a really tense relationship between us and me leaving home at 17.
If it had been loaded, I would have understood. But it wasn't. You sent him to bed early out of principle, because you felt like he disrespected you. But he didn't really. The gun wasnt loaded.

Thehop · 25/08/2019 21:32

He didn’t shoot his sister, he pretended to?

LL83 · 25/08/2019 21:35

Yabu.

Anyone would have taken the instruction "dont shoot" to mean "dont shoot hit your sisters head" if he knew there was no bullet then he was still following instruction. It is very obvious if nerf guns have bullets so he would have known.

If he had deliberately ignored me I would have confiscated the gun, sending to her is an over reaction anyway.

Your post reads like you don't like boy very much.

Bambamber · 25/08/2019 21:35

Well he didn't actually shoot her did he? If it wasn't loaded? He was just being a smart arse by the sounds of it, so sending him to bed seems a little much.

But on the other hand I believe your wide shouldn't have disagreed with you in front of the kids about it. So I think you're both wrong

LL83 · 25/08/2019 21:36

**bed not her

FredaFrogspawn · 25/08/2019 21:37

Talk to her. You agree to be less authoritative about things which aren’t really issues and she can agree to back you up as you do her. Simple.

FredaFrogspawn · 25/08/2019 21:38

Authoritarian I mean.

dollydaydream114 · 25/08/2019 21:38

He didn’t shoot her with anything because the gun wasn’t loaded. He just pretended to. So you were being ridiculous making a big deal of it and your wife was right.

Odd title for the thread, too. You sound like you actively dislike your son.

HolidayStartsMonday · 25/08/2019 21:40

Yab(very)u

Casander · 25/08/2019 21:43

"Boy" ? Is this bird box op? You sound like you actively dislike him regardless of a foam dart that didn't even exist.

BackforGood · 25/08/2019 22:04

Whereas I agree with all the previous posters that he didn't actually shoot her with a foam dart, so perhaps you were harsh, YANBU to think that she might have talked about that with you later, and not argued with you about semantics in front of him.

It does no-one any good to be arguing in front of the dc.

Technically people are right, he didn't shoot her with the dart, but clearly the situation had been brewing and he is old enough to know it can never be a good idea to fire a gun towards someone's head - foam dart, nerf, water, or any gun you think isn't loaded.

Even if the way you responded isn't the way I would have responded, I would have backed my dh in these circumstances and would expect him to have backed me, so I think YANBU at all.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 25/08/2019 22:07

You can’t see if all nerf guns are loaded. Did he think his was?

It’s good to learn that you never point a gun at anyone’s head. Yanbu.

BikeRunSki · 25/08/2019 22:09

You refer to your son as “the boy”? Sounds like you have a lovely relationship.Hmm

ShawshanksRedemption · 25/08/2019 22:15

Is there more background to this @richardhh? Only you seem to come across as you don't like him at all, and that may have influenced your reaction to send to bed. You come across that you're angry with him for disrespecting you rather than the safety aspects of why we don't shoot at people's heads.

You and your wife need to talk it through as it sounds like she feels your reactions was out of proportion to the offence.

mordecaithomas · 25/08/2019 22:16

Jesus get a grip, you sent him to bed?

Don't have nerf guns in the house if they are an issue. I hate the toys personally and my boys don't have them. Causes arguments and I don't fancy having flying bullets around the house. Simple as that really.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/08/2019 22:18

Yanbu. I would do the same, nerf bullets around the head and face hurt at close range, even without a bullet I'd put him to his room for pointing it at his sisters head and ignoring you.
The title of your OP is strange, very detached, is he your biological DS.

BlockedAndDeleted · 25/08/2019 22:24

Slightly confused as to what happened.

He was going to shoot sister in the head.

You said no.

He shot her in the head anyway.

Toy turned out not to be loaded - is this relevant, I feel not as children can still be upset, scared, wound up by this, it’s the intent more the effect.

So he was deliberately testing you as well as being horrible to his sister.

You admonished him because he upset his sister and challenged you on purpose.

Your wife was not on your team as she felt that it was relevant that gun wasn’t loaded.

She made this clear in front of kids thus letting son know it’s acceptable to scare females and also undermining you.

You’re upset for your daughter and that your wife didn’t have your back as parents are supposed to present a united front.

You have done this for her previously even when you haven’t necessarily agreed with her choices.

I can see your point tbh.

YANBU.

HKM94 · 25/08/2019 22:49

YADNBU! Like previous posters have said, it is the fact that he did even though you said no and he shot his little sister in the head! What if he picks it up out of anger one day and aims it at his sisters face and she is blinded by a bullet! (May seem dramatic but these things could happen, it only takes one misjudgement)

As for your wife.. well she should always have your back in front of the kids and then any disagreements or differences in opinion should be discussed behind closed doors.

3boysandabump · 25/08/2019 23:02

I could imagine this scenario happening in my house.

I would have let it slide because technically he didn't do what I'd told him not to.

Dh would count the fact that he'd shot the gun as deliberately being defiant and there would have been a consequence.

I wouldn't pull him up on it in front of the dc though.

cherrytreecottage · 25/08/2019 23:30

IMO YANBU. It doesn't matter whether the gun had a foam bullet in it or not - the fact is you told him not to shoot and he did it anyway. Even if he knew there wasn't a bullet in it, as the parent you'd told him not to do something.
If your DW disagreed with you sending him to bed, she should have mentioned it to you afterwards and not undermine you in front of DS. Apologies if you've answered this elsewhere but did you still send DS to bed, despite your DW objections?
I often think DH has been a tad harsh but wouldn't dream of outing him in front of DC. In front of them, we back each other 100% and discuss it afterwards if we think differently.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 26/08/2019 10:57

'The Boy'.

Are you actually talking about your son?

Yikes.

ChrisPrattsFace · 26/08/2019 11:02

What BlockedAndDeleted said.

However my brother stabbed me through the foot with a fork and I’m the one who got told off. So, support and boundaries were all wrong in my house growing up.

UndomesticHousewife · 26/08/2019 11:10

Is it because she favours boys over girls? Is that why you've pointed out that it's the boy she was taking sides with?

iklboo · 26/08/2019 11:15

I thought this was going to be a thread about the tv show The Boys.

Not a nice way to refer to a child. Depersonalising.