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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what you do when someone dies?

51 replies

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 25/08/2019 20:51

I know how you get the death certificate. No post mortem needed. What else do I need to do? My mum just died and I’ve never done this before.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 25/08/2019 20:55

I’m so sorry. My dad died a few weeks ago. It’s very difficult.

Copies of death certificates. If your dad isn’t alive/around, you can go to the bank and give them a copy of the death certificate and close the account. Do you have Power of attorney/are you the executor is there a will? If you are nex5 of kin and the estate isn’t worth more than £25k, I think you can just transfer the money.

ssd · 25/08/2019 20:56

I'm sorry Flowers
We had a leaflet what to do from the hospital, could you ask them or her or your gp?
There is help out there.

WhiteVixen · 25/08/2019 20:56

So sorry for your loss. I’m sure there was a thread that got put in classics as it went through all of this sort of stuff and lots of people found it very useful. I’ll see if I can find it.

Flowers
jimmyhill · 25/08/2019 20:58

Sorry for your loss. This government web page, "what to do after someone dies", might be of some help if your mother died in the UK: www.gov.uk/after-a-death

womaninthedark · 25/08/2019 20:58

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you are ok. I was numb, even though my mother's death was expected.
I asked the care home where my mum died, and I asked the funeral directors who were wonderfully helpful and still say 'Hello' when they see me, five years later.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 25/08/2019 20:59

Im so sorry, its so hard isn't it?

You'll need to contact an undertaker and begin to arrange the funeral. Whether you want faith or humanist, whether its a burial or cremation, what bout the wake etc

kaitlinktm · 25/08/2019 21:01

Sorry to hear this OP, it is a bewildering and distressing time.

I found the government website useful:

www.gov.uk/after-a-death

Also, when you ring banks or other companies - utilities, councils etc - ask for their bereavement department.

When you register the death as for a Tell Us Once form to fill in - this lets lots of agencies know at once - HMRC, DVLA, DWP etc.

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/08/2019 21:02

The hospital, if she died in hospital, and the Register Office will both give you leaflets. You need to cancel her pension, if she had one, I found the government departments very helpful. The bank will have a Bereavement Advisor who can help out too. There might be insurance policies to sort out too and if she owned her own house or had more than a certain amount of savings it will have to go to probate.

Sorry for your loss.

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 25/08/2019 21:11

What’s probate?
My dad is alive but too upset to do much. I don’t know about wills or anything.

OP posts:
Freemind · 25/08/2019 21:19

Unless the undertaker has been specified in the will, prepaid or you are somehow already committed to a particular undertaker, please check the charges or get recommenations - a member of my family got totally ripped off, being charged several thousand pounds unnecessarily then struggled to pay, just for want of asking. The independent undertaker we used for my dad was completely up-front with the charges and we were so pleased. There are various leaflets to help you with sorting out matters. It feels a lot, but you will get through it all. Sorry for your loss. Flowers

frasersmummy · 25/08/2019 21:23

I am so sorry to hear this

Deep breaths.. One stage at a time. You need to register the death.
Then organise the funeral.
Then think about everything else.
First thing to think about after the funeral.. House. Has it gone automatically to dad. If there is a mortgage is there life insurance to cover it.
Then make sure all bills will continue to be paid
Everything else can wait..
Here if you need more help

Find out if there is a will

Catmar · 25/08/2019 21:24

The government website and I seem to remember money saving expert had some helpful stuff about probate when my mum died. Did she have a will? She may have left some instructions about her funeral etc. To be honest, I can't really remember all the stuff because I was in such a daze. Sorry for your loss, OP, it's a terrible time.

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 21:26

OP don’t worry about wills or probate now

Here’s a link with more general information

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

If you have any specific questions, keep posting and I’ll do my best to answer. I had to take charge when dad died because mum and sis couldn’t really. Also, the hospital/hospice had a lot helpful info.

When did this happen? Can someone go with you to register the death?

I am so sorry.

HappyHammy · 25/08/2019 21:26

Sorry to hear about your mum and look after yourself and dad, it's such a difficult time. Your dad may know if your mum made a Will, do they have a solicitor who has acted for them in the past. There is quite a lot of information available, the next thing would be to start arranging a funeral, they are also very helpful and will guide you through the process. This link may help.
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

hopeishere · 25/08/2019 21:27

Don't worry about the will etc yet. First thing is to contact an undertaker and sort the funeral.

BuckingFrolics · 25/08/2019 21:28

Don't worry about anything practical and definitely not about probate or wills. Nothing needs to happen fast. You can take your mum home with you if you like, or keep her at home if that's where she died. It is not a causes for panic or rush when someone dies. There is no law that requires you to act today or tomorrow, or even to use an undertaker. But as you're unfamiliar with this I would suggest you contact an undertakers on Tuesday.

Just be with your family and your feelings. I'm very sorry for your loss.

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 25/08/2019 21:31

There’s no mortgage, is registering the death not the same as getting the death certificate?

OP posts:
RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 21:32

PS don’t worry about documents

We couldn’t find his driving licence which the DVLA were fine about

We didn’t return his passport as the passport office cancelled it.

There’s a service called “Tell us Once” which hopefully operates in your area, they contact a whole lot of organisations

www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

You might also find this site helpful

www.bereavementadvice.org/topics/

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 21:34

Yes, when you register the death, you will get the death certificate. You might want to ask for extra copies at the time in case you need them for banks etc. My understanding is you should register the death within 5 working days. The registrar will give you a green form which is needed for burial or cremation.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 25/08/2019 21:40

Register the death to get the death certificate, if you take her driving licence, passport and her NI number then the registrar can also cancel those and any benefits she is in, state pension etc through Tell Is Ince, they will talk you through everything

wolfmom · 25/08/2019 21:42

So sorry for your loss. I've not long been through this with my dad as mum was totally lost. When you register the death get as many copies as you think you might need (over estimate) as it is more expensive afterwards. That was the best advice we were given.

BackforGood · 25/08/2019 21:57

So sorry for your loss OP.

You've already had lots of useful replies from people far more knowledgeable than I am.

It would be useful if a thread like this could be 'pinned' in the Bereavement topic, wouldn't it ? Must be overwhelming to deal with death of a loved one on your own, and whilst grieving.

ACupOfTeaSolvesEverything · 25/08/2019 22:00

I’m really confused. The hospital said they will give me the death certificate. Do I still need to register the death?
I feel sick.

OP posts:
TheSingingKettle49 · 25/08/2019 22:01

OP I work for a solicitors firm and specialise in probate (not a solicitor though) so I deal with this every day. The most important thing is not to rush into doing anything, take your time to come to terms with it first so you don’t make any rash decisions.

Once you’ve got the death certificate you should choose a funeral director, call around and ask for a rough price first, people never shop around and consequently some people end up paying over the odds for the same service. Take time to discuss with your father what he wants, a good undertaker won’t push you.

You don’t have to go into banks to register the death and there’s no time limit to tell them either. You can call them and ask for the bereavement department and ask if probate is required then post a copy death certificate to them or drop one into branch at your convenience, they may try to sell you an appointment with their probate services, you’re not obliged to give them information other than the fact she’s died and your contact details.

If you do need probate it’s actually very straight forward for most people, so you should be able to do it yourself if it’s under the inheritance tax threshold. You only need probate if a bank or other investment tells you they won’t release the money without a grant of probate. For the house you will have to find out how it is owned, so if you know which solicitors they used when they bought it give them a call and ask, they will tell you if you need to do anything but usually there is no rush.

Ask your dad if your mum wrote a will, in my experience it is almost unheard of for one member of a married couple to write a will and the other not to know where it is and what’s in it.

ParkheadParadise · 25/08/2019 22:02

Yes you need to register the death.
Have you contacted a funeral director yet

Sorry for your loss.

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