To think I am incredibly annoying?

[IWorryTooMuchYouKnow]

I have a relatively new job after decades of not working. I love it So much. I turn up on time, I don't call in sick, I volunteer if extra needs done, I work hard, am clean and polite to everyone - customers and Co workers, I'm honest if I make a mistake. I get excellent reviews and have passed my probationary period no problem (I'm not bigging myself up - I'm far from perfect but these things are true) However I am very lacking in confidence and terrified of being sacked. As such I often ask for reassurance from my bosses that I am doing OK because my anxiety overwhelms me with the feeling that I am not doing OK. I suspect this makes me a massive pain in the arse and a nightmare employee. AIBU?

Well then stop doing it! From the first half of your OP you clearly know you're fucking great in the honeymoon period.

BTW all that stuff you listed is what every employee is EXPECTED to do!

It might make you come across a bit overly keen, a bit wishy washy, but not a nightmare at all. How often are you asking?

Otherwise it sounds like things are going really well. Think about ways to calm the anxiety, remind yourself that you're far more critical of yourself than anyone else, so if you think you're doing OK, others definitely will.

Yes, I know I'm only doing what's expected of me, and I'm not anything special.

I probably ask once a month or something, which is too much I agree (but anxiety is not rational).

I do not mind being wishy washy, but I don't want to be a pain.

Yes I agree OP. I think that would be incredibly annoying.

I get excellent reviews and have passed my probationary period no problem

That should be enough for you.

Anything else will just make you sound as though you're blatantly fishing for compliments.

Not a great trait in anyone.

Imposter syndrome. It’s a huge problem, especially for women. It’s the reason why so many of us don’t get the things we deserve in our jobs. During my career, I’ve worried over and over that I’m going to be fired, with absolutely no good reason why that would be the case. For me, it’s usually around a time where I’ve just made a massive financial commitment, like buying a car or our house.

All you can try to do (without sounding all new age and wonky) is repeat positive affirmations to yourself every day. Something that also helped me, is that I kept a Google folder and saved all the positive comments or ‘thank you, great job’ emails/texts so that I could look back when I was feeling doubtful.

Chill out. You clearly think you’re doing brilliantly so if you keep asking for reassurance you’ll come across as attention seeking, disingenuous and potentially also unprofessional and immature. You don’t get brownie points for showing up on time and not taking time off sick, or being polite

Stop asking for back pats but instead check in with them each month and ask if there's anything they would like you to improve on or learn so you can do your job better. Take the emotion out of it. Give it a professional spin.

Asking for specific feedback at appropriate points would be a better way to go.

Go and talk to someone about this.
It indeed could be very annoying for your boss to have to reassure you constantly.

See going to talk to someone as part of being a good employee.

Irritating your boss is not a good idea.

Milliefiori, I do ask that too.

Thanks all. I knew I was being annoying. Need to stop.

(BTW, you would be amazed how many people don't turn up on time, regularly call in sick, and are rude and extremely difficult to work with)

(BTW, you would be amazed how many people don't turn up on time, regularly call in sick, and are rude and extremely difficult to work with)

And yet they're still in their jobs, so think about that the next time you feel anxious.

Some jobs (especially public sector), you'd literally have to murder someone in order to get sacked.

Just calm down a bit. You’re clearly a good employee and doing fine, as your probationary review shows. If your boss isn’t happy with your work, they’ll tell you. You don’t need to keep asking for reassurance.

Hmmmm asking for reassurance reduce your pay raise chances.

I'm not looking for a pay rise, just to keep my job!

I am the same, possibly worse, to the point that if someone else gets a pat on the back for their work I immediately think I must be shit. If anyone compliments my work I think they're just trying to be nice.

Yes, me too. I'm sorry

Hi op,congratulations on finding a new job you love.
In your situation,I would either print out positive reports,confirmations of work well done,if you have none,write them down from memory.
Then keep them in your drawer to take a look at if you feel like you are about to ask again.
Hopefully this will help and your employer's won't start to become concerned about your lack of confidence.
Remember,people are always quick to tell you if you're wrong,you've had no such report,so be happy that they are happy with you and carry on as you are.
Good luck🌻

I absolutely would not find it annoying if a relatively new employee wanted feedback monthly, despite the fact this would add to my stupid workload.

It shows they are invested and if it helps them settle in and feel part of the team then quite frankly that's fine by me. Ive found that if the people I work with feel valued and valuable they give more back. Some need more reassurance than others. Not a big deal.

I am annoying.

For entirely different reasons. Being annoying is ok, if you are good at your job.

It is the annoyed person that has the issue after all (as long as you aren't flicking bogies at them or similar of course)

Dont apologise for existing

Haha!! I have an employee like this (maybe it's you??!) Anyway, she's very nice, hard working, but yes!!!...she is really quite annoying !!!

My advice .. Everytime you want to seek reassurance - write it down instead of asking!! Do this for as long as possible (preferably a whole week!!) Then ask your boss to sit down with you, and you can ask her/him the questions then.

Also, explain to the boss you have anxiety and don't mean to be annoying. I know it's hard, but just try and let some of those worries go because it is vv.anniying having an employee like this, and quite draining !! Pretty sure you'll realx in time once you settle in more...

Google "intolerance of uncertainty"

Some mean spirited replies here :( I have a new member of my team who is a real asset but clearly rather anxious and I don't mind making an extra effort to let her know she's doing well.

OP, I'm glad you've found a job you love. I agree with not asking too often and reminding yourself of good reports etc but checking in once a month should be fine.

A counsellor once taught me a useful trick that might help - recognising and labelling what's going on in your head: Ah, I'm new in my job and anxious about being back at work - I'm just doing that worry thing again...