To not want to do a huge family meal for dd 1st birthday

[Isitlunchyet]

Dd is turning one in just over a week I was just thinking of getting a cake me and oh take dd and ds out for the day. Then visit families separate and share the cake out. Were going on holiday few days after I can't be bothered with all the palava.

Oh wants to go out for a nice meal but there is just so many of us And OH nephews don't know how to
behave when we're out climbing over the tables stacking glasses up I really can't be bothered for it.

aibu?

Of course yanbu. Elaborate parties for small babies are quite mad. Your idea sounds far better.

Your idea sounds great for a 1 years olds birthday!

Well you both get a say.

Wouldn't it be simpler to all go out, rather than spend the day here and there?

How involved are the other family members in your children's lives?

Your DD will enjoy your plan much more than your husband's. YANBU.

Yes I think you are being a bit unreasonable tbh

I guess it depends how you see family really, I actually quite like mine and a fuss is always made for first birthdays.

Also if going out for a meal what effort does it actually involve your not cooking it

Ok so the nephews play up as dc do sometimes as your find out when your child is older

Your idea - taking the children out for the day - is for the children, they’ll actually enjoy it.

Your DH’s idea - a nice meal - is all about him/the adults, because no one year old wants to go for a “nice meal” for their birthday.

Aren't first birthday celebrations for the adults rather than the babies? To a one year old a birthday is the same as any other day. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

YANBU.

Would going out for the day and having relatives over for a few h be out of the question? You can do the cake etc then. So maybe out from 10-2 then relatives over 3-5? Then you can do bedtime etc as normal.

Our DS is one in October and we're definitely not having a big party because we feel it will be overwhelming for him.

YANBU, it’s your choice what you do on your own child’s birthday.

I think it is nice for grandparents to be included for singing happy birthday etc.

Would it be a compromise to have morning out with dd and ds then have the rest over for tea and cake? Sing happy birthday, blow out candles serve cake and children play for an hour.

Yanbu. For DS first birthday I was in two minds. I decided to do a big one because thereafter my ds aged 2, 3 etc would be able to have interests and no need to do something that revolved around extended families. For my ds 2nd birthday he really wanted to go to the beach so we went on a holiday, and then it's his 3rd soon and he wants to go to an attraction nearby so we are doing that, then in the evening we are having cake and tea for whoever wants to stop by. Definitely not running to families houses to please anyone.
DH and I decided that his birthday will revolve around what he wants and makes him happy.

Apparently when I was one my mum invited both my grandmas over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake, luckily not the plethora of aunts, uncles and cousins that I have.
I loved growing up with loads of cousins but I think a first birthday needs to be more low key. She'll enjoy your energetic nephews when she's a bit older.

How about explaining that you are getting ready to go away and suggest a big family picnic in a local park with everyone contributing food and you bringing the cake? Plenty of space for unruly cousins and still a family get-together but without all the work involved.

A one-year-old gets absolutely nothing out of ‘a nice meal’. Your idea sounds much nicer. There’s really no need for a massive grown-up restaurant meal for a 1st birthday party. Apart from anything, nobody at a sit-down meal out really gets more than a couple of minutes to spend any time with the baby. Most of the time they’ll be at the other end of the table eating. Much nicer to see them as you described, when they can actually have some quality time with her.