Who deserves a nap? *lighthearted*

[26mcjrfm]

So last night, DP and I woke at 1.30am as baby woke for a feed (9 weeks old). I do all the night feeds, and have no issues. The problem lies here - DP couldn’t get back to sleep, and went downstairs to watch TV.

Baby woke again at 3.30am and decided it was morning time and didn’t want to go back to sleep. I fed her and stayed up when she was awake. She is bottle fed, but I wasn’t sure if DP had fallen asleep on the sofa so I didn’t want to call him up and let me sleep if he had finally drifted off. Usually at the weekends, he lets me relax and we share the day time duties equally (2 year old DD also). As he works during the week, I don’t get much -any- downtime as you can imagine, so this is greatly appreciated.

It has transpired that he didn’t get back to sleep, and is wrecked. I am also exhausted. I am in 2 minds whether to head out with the children and let him grab a few hours sleep. However, come tomorrow, it’s all up to me again.

Should I offer to take them out this afternoon, or should we both help each other out?

he is away golfing this morning, pre-planned and didn’t want to pull out, so will be even more tired on his return

I would have said take turns napping but if he's away golfing he can't be that bloody tired.

My thoughts too!!

I went out for a few hours yesterday to meet a friend for lunch so he is deserving of a few hours with his friends too. I know I’ll feel hard done by if I take the kids all day today and he’s had a full day to himself. I know it’s not tit-for-tat, I just really love the weekends and having some help with the kids.

He’s been energetic enough to go out and do his hobby he can be energetic enough for you to catch a nap.

The way I see it you’ve had the kids alone for however long this morning and he’s chosen how he wishes to spend that time. You are entitled to the same amount of time whilst he cares for his children.

Golfing this morning was his choice. It was a commitment he chose to take on for his own benefit and you kindly agreed to care for the children alone whilst he did that.

Stand firm, you sound like you may be treating him as you would wish to be treated but that’s not what’s happening in reality.

Yes, I want to be fair, but I also want to be fair to myself. I would have slept all night if not for getting up with the baby, and I also think if he was really that tired he would have been able to sleep all night. His body obviously didn’t need to sleep (I’m aware this isn’t how it works all the time).

You should nap this afternoon and DH should look after his own DC. 100%

He has the chance of a full night of sleep tonight, whereas you do not.

I am super tired and normally would not be so petty about who looks after them and splitting exactly 50:50. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 9 weeks, and at the weekend he lets me lie in and gets up with the girls. I usually get up at 8am. But as he was away this morning I wasn’t afforded this luxury.

I am aware on the grand scheme of things, I am very lucky.

Could he take them out for two hours when he gets back and you can nap and then he can grab an hour or two ?
Does your two year old still nap?

It doesn’t work like that though does it? It can’t work as a cumulative favour system, tiredness can’t be put on hold till your dh can return the favour.

As things stand, the immediate situation is that last night was bad all round and couldn’t have been preempted. Your dh has gone to do something for himself this morning and will most likely have the opportunity to sleep well tonight which only leaves you with this afternoon to replenish your reserves for the coming week.

I’d just like to point out my opinion would be the same if he hadn’t been playing golf and was working or running errands. You’re tired, your only opportunity to have his support is this afternoon.

No unfortunately she doesn’t nap, she is almost 3 now. Yes I think we’ll compromise on that. He is due back at around 2, I’ll put that idea to him! We haven’t discussed this between us yet, quite possibly he’ll be happy to take them out regardless. I was just thinking it would be nice of me to have offered him a nap, but then I thought, wait, I’m pretty tired too.

@26mcjrfm don't offer him a nap. That's madness. He can be tired for one day and then catch up on sleep tonight.

Whereas you don't know what kind of night of sleep you're going to have (apart from knowing it will be broken sleep!), so you need to seize this rare window in which someone can guarantee you some sleep.

I don't hold with the idea that mothers who are up with a baby at night should have to feel incredibly grateful to their partners for helping them get some sleep on the weekend.

A few measly hours of day napping < a full night of sleep.

He should be grateful to you.

Sleep is not a luxury. You need it to live, just like food. If he was eating a three course meal every night while you had only scraps no one would be handing him a medal for throwing you a sandwich on the weekend!

Why did your DP get up if you do the night feeds? I know it's popular on here for both parents to get up in the night regardless of who does the feeds, but this is why I was happy to do them (bf) and DH would take over early morning. DS is teething and last night was rough, DH took him at half six and I didn't get to until ten thirty! Bliss.
I also think he made it worse for himself by going to watch TV.

When we went back to sleep after the feed, he couldn’t get back to sleep so went downstairs to watch tv. Then baby woke an hour later and I was unsure if he was asleep so didn’t want to wake him and ask him to take over. I prefer to do the night feeds, she settles better with me at the moment, so it’s just easier that way. It’s never been forced upon me and DP has always said, whenever I feel like I can’t get up, to wake him and he will. During the weekends he is very good in letting me rest, and also finding the balance of having family time. Family time means a lot to me too.

You’re right though, no matter what, I’m having a night of broken sleep.

To my relief, we came back from the park and DP offered to take the girls out for a few hours he is a good spud!

I feel grateful as I know there are single parents / parents who work away / work very long hours. DP is very hands on and helps with bed times/ cooking/ cleaning. There are always those worse off, therefore I count myself lucky that I have someone to give me a break / hand!

Now, I’m off for my nap

Hope you had a lovely nap!