in thinking family should acknowledge or say thankyou for gifts?

[sweetkitty]

I was thinking about this today, I have DB, SIL, DNephew and DNeice every Christmas I spend about £40 on nephew and niece usually ask DB what kind of thing they are into but a present, book and maybe PJs or something to wear, I don’t mind I enjoy it and we can afford it the money is irrelevant. I also buy DB a small thing maybe a bottle of his fave alcohol and SIL nice wine and chocs just small things to open. Don’t buy the adults birthday presents but send cards. Never ever get a thank you even a text to say nephew liked his present or anything.

Usually in October DB will text me and say oh I’ve put £80 in your bank account for the kids Christmas. I take the money buy them something and wrap it up with a tag from DB and SIL, will send a text thanking them and telling them what I’ve bought. The money’s not the thing as they have 4DC to give to we only have 2, they’ve never given to DH or me birthdays or Christmas that’s fine too as some people don’t believe in giving adults.

Birthdays are the same £20 in my account for whichever DC whose birthday it is, I take it out write and card and put the cash in it.

The thing is the never thanking us or acknowledging that we’ve given their DC something, sometimes I’ve sent things by post or Amazon and I’ve never known if they arrived or not.

How old are the kids? Mine always write thank you cards from as long as they could write! It’s bad manners not to. As it’s your brother just be frank. Tell him you always wonder if they liked your presents as you never hear about them.
I used to send my cousin’s kids presents at Christmas (she lives abroad). One year she texted me in April and said ‘I know you sent the kids Christmas presents but they get so many I can’t remember what you sent them, but thanks’. That was the last time I sent any (she never sent any to my kids when they arrived).

Would you not ask them if they received the gift? If I didn't hear after a week I'd send a text asking if John's card and gift card arrived. Shame them into acknowledging it at least, even if they don't have the manners to say thanks. I just put money into siblings accounts for nieces/nephews rather than send cash via post. I'll send a card to the child though.

Of course the children should write a thank you note. If they don’t there’s not much you can do though.

We don't do thank you cards in our family, but I tend to send a thank you text for birthday presents for me and the children. I don't necessarily get one from siblings for nephews and nieces birthdays, but I don't mind. Sometimes I wonder if they liked the present though, particularly now they're getting older. I wouldn't dream of getting huffy about it.

It is nice to know if they have received the gift, that part I'd be a bit annoyed at, as it's awful not knowing, especially if it's something ordered online and you are none the wiser if the company sent it.

With regards to Thank yous, I'm happy when they say thanks when I hand it over, I don't expect anything further, I do have family members who will text up to 2 days of Thank yous, then there are the ones who insist on sending thank you cards, all totally over the top, unnecessary and a little bit embarrassing, a simple Thank you says a thousand words and means much more to me.

I like the idea of putting money in your account to buy what they need/want. That saves alot of hassle, it means the buyer doesn't have to think up what to buy, find the time to give it, wait for the thank you cards. I have my kids on my bank account, I might tell people to do this, put the money in mine and I transfer it to them, so much better and saves on alot of tat and unwanted shite been given.

I don’t think it matters whether it’s money into an account or a present a text or quick message on FB saying thanks for Xs birthday present is enough (we don’t do thank you cards either).

And definitely even if someone gives me even a small box of chocs I usually say thank you it’s just manners.

This annoys me too. We spend £25 for each of DHs 4 nieces (aged from 2 to 15) which isn't a small amount of money for us. I always ask the parents what sort of thing they're into and buy them a present they would like. We dont usually see them for birthdays so send presents in the post/with grandparents or just put through the letterbox if we are passing. I never get a thank you. Sometimes I dont even know if the gift has been received. Just a text from the parent or a photo of the kid playing with it would be great, but no we dont even get that.

I am thinking of cutting the budget down for next year as evidently the kids dont care less about the presents we get them.

I think I would stop buying for them if they can't acknowledge your generosity, We see our grandchildren on Christmas Day and often on their birthdays but we still get a little note of thanks from them.

I am in exactly the same boat as you with my cousin. Twice I send her and husband Christmas gifts never so much as an unprompted thank you.

She gives birth to a boy and as an only child myself my cousin is the clostest thing I have to a family so every birthday every Christmas I send him and now baby sister gifts. Not cheap gifts either. Last Christmas it was 100 pounds worth of disney toys (50 pounds each) plus shipping to america which these days feels like day light robbery. Not one thank you. Did not even tell me arrived. I must have at least send 6-10 parcels by now and always have to call to see if they have arrived yet. I did not mind spending the money as I have no kids yet and have the luxury of being able to afford it but it hurts that they don't seem that appreciative.

Only comfort is that she seems to be like that to everyone. My mum hand knit a jumper for my nephew, there was no unprompted thank you and no picture of him wearing it. I know it took my mum over a month to make it. My aunt send Christmas gifts too and not a word was said. I know my aunt and she is anything but cheap. We basically agreed to no longer make an effort with cousin and her young family as they come across as rude and unappreciative by now

I don't even expect a card. A quick text that says thank you so much for the gifts they arrived in the mail today would be enough