To be sick of my family talking about me having a baby?

[Andnowtakeit]

I'm 31 and I don't have children and have never wanted them. Two years ago I had an abortion. It hit me a lot harder than I ever imagined it could and I ended up with PTSD.

My younger sister is now pregnant with her first and I'm delighted. I'm a lot healthier mentally now than I have been since the abortion, when for a long time I couldn't bear being near babies or pregnant and hated talking about them, and thought comments like 'our first grandchild' etc. stir emotions I don't let them show.

However, family keep saying 'plenty of time still for you, Andnow, or 'bet you wish that was you, don't you'? It irritating and actually it's really angering me. I tell them I don't want kids and yet they persevere with 'ah, yes you do'.

AIBU to think it's beyond rude and be really fucking sick of it?

If you don’t want kids you’re wrong. If you have kids you’re wrong. There’s no pleasing everyone so just smile and tell them to fuck off.

I can't tell my grandmother to fuck off though...

Your grandmother is probably from an era where women raised a family because that’s what was expected, regardless of whether the woman wanted children or not. It’s probably foreign to her that you wouldnt want a child.

It’s really rude - you need a good fake laugh that won’t offend your gran but you could just say to other people ‘wow, that’s incredibly personal’ when they say stuff to you.

I have told my grandma so many times that I don't want them. Every time someone says it it's like being stabbed. I don't want to be reminded of me having kids.

Could you possibly just say 'actually it hurts my feelings when you say that.' And try to leave it at that? I'm so sorry you're having a tough time I know it's hard to say anything, but maybe your nan will be more understanding than you think? Having said that, I never stood up for myself and just ignored it and then wallowed in self pity once I got home

Andnowtakeit

Every time someone says it it's like being stabbed. I don't want to be reminded of me having kids.

Not to be all armchair psychologist, but this makes it sound like maybe you do, and you regret your decision.

I think you need to talk to someone, get some counselling to work through your feelings. Family are always going to put the boot in. I get asked when I'm having kids even though DP and I are facing infertility. My DS gets asked when she's buying a house even though she's working a min wage job and will likely never be and to buy. People just love to put their foot in their mouth. You can't change that. You can change how you react to them though.

I had this. I simply stated to my grandparents I was not going to have children and if they made any comment in the future I would be leaving the room, restaurant etc. They never brought it up again

YABU to expect people to respect a woman's privacy in regards to having children.

If I've learnt anything in my life it's that every decision you make regarding babies/not having babies is everyone else's business and they will judge you harshly and loudly for whatever choices you make.

I replied a variety of "so you know me better than I do? Wow" or "are you accusing me of lying?" Or "why are you so nosey? No I don't. Enough."

I've known since I was a kid I didn't want kids and always told my family so. 30 now and I feel the same. It just isn't me, feels like something a different gender should to lol. And if it was a choice for me, I wouldn't choose it anyway as i don't think the risks of childbirth are worth it.

Despite this my dad came out with 'i want grandkids' last year and I was shocked. Like I've told them my whole life how alien that would be to me (and even sat them down a few years before to have a serious chat) and yet still... To make matters worse this last year or so my mum has been dropping 'when you have kids' into convos. It makes me really uncomfortable.

I liken it to coming out as gay and being told you'll want to date the opposite sex one day because it's a phase lol.

I'd suggest sitting them down and telling g them you don't want kids and they need to stop bringing it up, maybe use the above example lol.

It didn't work for me but you can but try.