To ask if my anxiety over my dd is reasonable or distorted?

[Kplpandd]

My dd is moving schools for the 4th and final time this September (military family) she will be going into year 5. Im besides myself with worry. She is painfully shy and at her last school was under watch of the educational psychologist due to being mute (she doesn't talk to teachers or any other children unless they are her best friend). She seems pretty chilled out about starting at the school and is excited to be wearing a different colour and says she wants packed lunch. Do you think I'm being silly worrying and should back off a bit? Or would you be worried too? She went to a taster session at the school but says nobody sat with her but she likes her new teacher. I can never tell if my anxiety is reasonable or distorted. Her sister will also be starting in year 1 so at least she has her in the playground.

If she isn't worried, please, please try not to worry in case she picks up on that. Starting a new school isn't a new thing for her, so it's great that she's chilled out about it.

I would, however, make sure that the new school know and understand about her selective mutism and how to deal with it appropriately.

Ah, that sounds tough. But if she’s happy that’s good.

Will the new school buddy her up with anyone? Perhaps she could take a little card or something she could design that explains she’s not being rude but she might not talk - would that help her, or not be something she’d want? DC at that age can be very kind but if she never speaks I think it would easily lead to her being left out if they didn’t understand her behaviour, so I’d be looking for a way to mitigate that if possible.

No advice especially, but I think it’s lovely to see how much you care about her. I had awful experiences at school with bullying that have left me on anxiety meds thirty years later! I wish I’d had parents like you. It sounds like she’s ok but it might be nice for her if you were just to say that you know she gets a bit shy and can’t talk, and that you’re there to make sure she’s happy and well. A chat to her teacher might be a good idea too. Wishing you and your lovely girl good things.

@bridgetreilly thank you I'm trying so hard to be upbeat about it!

@NoSquirrels good idea I have emailed the school about her issues but it would be nice if she had something like a card to carry around - when she started at her last school she was told off by a dinner lady for not answering her.

@leona11 thank you and I'm so sorry to hear you have suffered at the hands of bullies ☹

You sound like a lovely mum.
A different situation - my kid was painfully shy at school but now is an academic lecturing away to all sorts of clever clogs.

@Kplpandd Would something like this help? stickmancommunications.co.uk/product/selective-mutism-card/

@cacklingmags thank you, great to hear your shy kid is doing so well!

@Chouetted thanks for that link I'm going to get some! Although whether not she wants to use them is another matter, she doesn't like drawing attention to herself bless her.