Can’t shake off the feeling that something isn’t right

[Troubledee]

I’ve been with boyfriend for coming up to seven months, he has a dd age 6 with his ex gf. Ex gf who he broke up with eighteen months back cheated on him and four months after meeting OM moved her and the dd in with him. His ex an absolute pain in the arse, texts him constantly, if it was about the dd, fine, but sometimes it is about other things such as her current relationship which is not fine and she’s constantly causing drama. She knows about me but haven’ let met their dd yet.

I told my bf I am not prepared to put up with the ex crossing boundaries and taking up every minute of our time by texting etc and causing issues and due to me finishing with him he said he would be tougher with her which he is following through with. But...since his ex text him a few months ago to say she thinks she made a mistake cheating on him and leaving him for OM I have felt very insecure which is most unlike me. He just ignored that message from her. Now, I can’t shake off a feeling that something isn’t right. Everyday for the past few months I have felt like this. Im pretty sure my bf wouldn’t cheat or go back with her but I don’t know, this feeling is driving me mad!

For a relationship this short there's a lot of drama! I'd seriously think about cutting him loose and finding someone with less baggage!

Yeah that all sounds like lot going on! You haven’t met the DD yet so get out now before it becomes even more complicated!!

It probably isn't worth riding it out if it is this much drama now.

Ask him. Tell him you feel that things aren’t quite right and it’s bothering you.

What do you do on Saturday night with your new boyfriend?

Do you go out for food and drinks and come home and shag?

Or do you sit on the sofa watching tv while he texts his ex backwards and forwards?

Holy drama.
Its not her op... its your bf : he's loving all the attention and isnt shying away from it

And listen to your gut feeling. Because it is possibly 99 percent right

I’d end it with him. Because of the DD they’re going to be in each other’s lives probably until one of them dies. I think you’ll be happier in the long-run away from all the drama. It’s better to date someone without kids IMO!

Let go. It's a new relationship with a lot of drama and he can ever be rid of her because of DD

Too much drama and baggage so early oh isn't worth it. I'd move on.

Move on b4 he moves back as thats where this looks like its going.

7 months in you should still be in the honey moon phase. Not panicking and feeling insecure. If it's like this now, what will it be like in a year?

That said, I'm not saying LTB because that decision lies with you. But if at 7 months in the relationship is already making you feel insecure and uneasy then I think you have some thinking to do about the future of the relationship. The fact of the matter she will always be in his life because of their daughter. And I think you should stop to consider the fact that although you can't change her behaviour - his actions aren't exactly making you feel very secure in the relationship. Even if he's ignored the message - that's a passive move, not asserting your significance in his life and subsequently hers.

Urgh sounds exhausting. I couldn't be bothered staying around for this. It's unlikely to improve significantly.

THanks for all your replies. He is trying by ignoring the texts when we’re together and otherwise we get on great but there is always the something that’s niggling. I think it’s the fact that she told him she had made a mistake by leaving him that’s made me really insecure. I think that’s why I’m having these thoughts.

He really does like me and tries to make me feel good but could he be doing more? As I said he ignores a text from her when we are together. I just wish you tell her to piss off and stop all texts when only one would be enough about their dd but he ignores them so that kind of works.

It’s too much drama. Even if he’s got good intentions, she’s going to make things very very difficult in the future. I’d leave.

Thanks Elle, I am so fed up of the drama, seems to be so ongoing with her. When she’s away Andy doesn’t text as often it’s heaven.

Although bf tends to ignore her texts now when they’re constant, I do wonder if they’re constant when I’m not there and whether he just ignores the texts that she’s complaining about her current relationship, which were a bone of contention at the beginning when I met him.

I must say I don’t mind the texts about their dd, it’s just when they’re constant and when she’s crossing the boundaries with the subjects.

That feeling isn’t going to go away...
Can you live with it
If you can live with that feeling and your happy about it then stay
But if your not happy about that feeling then there is only one option

As others said, it’s just too early in the relationship to be having difficulties and anxieties already - you’re meant to be in the honeymoon period all lovey dovey. I would say cut your losses and move on, you should be in a relationship where you feel secure and happy - especially 7 months in.

I think you should trust your gut feeling. In my experience with this sort of boundary crossing it is never just one way. If let's say I went mad and started texting my ex-H 20 times a day. I'd quickly get the following type response, "ThirstyGhost, you need to stop texting about matters not relating to DD as it isn't appropriate." Then Ex would ignore any subsequent texts I sent. That would be the end of it. Why doesn't your BF do this do you think? There's no way she is continuing to send multiple texts if he isn't replying at some point to the non-DD things. He might be ignoring them while in your company but I suspect is replying to them at other times - is this possible?