AIBU day out

[venusmay]

I’m a single parent with a young ds (7) and have a good friend who is married, her dcs get on very well with my ds. They home educate whereas my ds goes to school.

Just recently we have been talking about going on a day out in September and she said that I should take my ds out of school for the day so we could go. I asked why we couldn’t just go on a Saturday or Sunday but she said that is their ‘family time’.

I have told her she is being very unfair to ask me to take ds out of school for the day.Shes now annoyed with me!

AIBU to think this friend is being very unfair?

She was being unreasonable to ask you to take DS out of school for a day, but I think you were unreasonable (and a bit childish) to say it was ‘very unfair’. You should have just said “Oh that’s a shame, it looks like we’ll have to go separately then.”

I home educate and wouldnt ask someone to take their children out of school for a day, I would arrange the day on a weekend or school holiday.
Is it that there would be a discount during the week? Home educators can get the school discount at a lot of places, or do her children not like it when it's busy?
Could be a reason she's asked to do it on a school day, but if your not comfortable with it then fair enough, refuse and say it will have to happen on a weekend or school holiday or not at all.

It’s not really a fair/unfair thing but obviously that’s just not how school works. You both sound like you’re being a bit silly and dramatic - why wouldn’t you just say, no that wouldn’t work for us. Same as she is saying weekends wouldn’t work for them. Ah well, let’s plan something for October half term then. No one gets annoyed or complaining about fairness.

I think I reacted that way because I worry about getting into trouble over ds not being in school.

She has also complained in the past that I am not making enough effort to see her and her dcs during term time.

I try my best but I work until early evening during the week,pick ds up and them I’m too knackered to host play dates until 9pm which is what my friend likes to do.I have done play dates like this in the past and found it very tiring for both me and ds.

Every once in a while is it unreasonable to want someone to meet on a weekend for a few hours? Rather than having to take my child out of school or wait until half term to meet (when she will complain she hasn’t seen us for a long time).

She sounds like hard work OP!

My ds loves her dcs so it’s a shame we can’t compromise.

Even though she said she’s ok with us going to school while they home educate I feel like she sometimes resents that we are not free to meet up during term time.

She sounds weird. And stubborn.

You sound perhaps a bit anxious OP - certainly you’re giving your friend’s feelings far too much importance here.

I think I reacted that way because I worry about getting into trouble over ds not being in school.
But if there’s just no question that you’d take him out of school, because it’s a clearly daft suggestion, why would you be worried? Just dismiss it out of hand without a second thought, there’s nothing to worry about or react to.

She complains....she resents....she’s ok with you sending your son to school (well that’s big of her - it’s really nothing to do with her how you choose to educate your son!) - honestly OP why are you placing so much importance on this woman’s feelings and doubting your own instincts on what works for you. Just say no, and don’t worry about her reaction, leave her to it. You can meet up at weekends or during half term, she can’t do weekends, so half term it is, ah well. Gives you more time to plan your day out. Then chat about something else. You don’t need to explain anything else to her or get into it in any more detail.

She sounds like a fruitcake. Also, a married person telling their single friend they can't do weekends as it's "their family time" is just smug and obnoxious.

If you used the term “unfair”, that was U.

She wasn’t U to suggest a week day; you weren’t U to refuse.

Sounds like you’re on different schedules with different preferences and both have firm views on when you don’t want to meet up (her more so than you).

Unless you really still enjoy her company, in addition to the DC getting on, I wouldn’t bother, or perhaps just continue to suggest weekend things for her DS or all of you.

She wasn’t U to suggest a week day

I think she absolutely was!

Sounds like she’s bored on her own during the week so wants some company during that time rather than the weekend when she has her husband to entertain her. I wouldn’t be taking my child out of school for a day out and I can see why you’d be too tired to meet up after work. I’d suggest school holidays.

Kyria I think I have felt guilty for not being able to meet up with them during term time, at the same time feeling frustrated that she won’t from time to time just agree to meet for a few hours at the weekend.It makes no sense to stress about it but i am generally feeling knackered and trying to cope.

Chamenaged yes she is sometimes very insensitive to my situation!And I didn’t think so before but smug too!I have married friends who go out without their other halves on the weekend, it puts pressure on me to arrange things in the week.

Thanks for your input and I think I will just explain school holidays are the only option for us in the future.