To think we can all compromise to get a 'share of DH'

[Timtamfail]

DH's ex is notoriously difficult, which has had a knock on effect to the relationship with DC. We have no formal access pattern, it changes to suit her needs/whims. But from what ever pattern you can ascertain, it's not our 'weekend' so I booked gold class movies for the afternoon as DH has been away with work. Arranged this with DH, he agreed we'd do this. DH take DC to sport Saturday morning, then we'd go to movies late afternoon. DH at sport currently with DC, they are under the assumption they are coming back with him. DH feels stuck. He's sick of being over a barrel in terms of access. He knows I'll be upset if we cancel, I'm currently at home bad period pain (difficult fertility journey so was looking forward to a date with DH) my suggestion is explain to DC that nothing had been communicated to him, that he would take them out for lunch today and pick them up in the morning. So we all 'get a share' of DH, is that a logical solution or can anyone offer other words of wisdom ?!

I feel your pain OP, my DH was furious at me keeping a diary a while ago to prove how much time he spends running round after his elderly mother(who has two other dc and families living very close) his grown up DC and their families. We live too close to them all l would love move just enough further away so we can still easily see them but not be within 'popping in' distance. It's suffocating. I too would like just a piece of dh for myself too but rarely happens. Yes l would get him to say that to them.

He knows if he goes to the movies he'll get a buck load of abuse from ex stating 'you deadbeat dad you picked Tim over your own children'

I think I'd let him off this time but say to him that he must say to the ex that a reliable contact pattern must be agreed - and he will go to court if necessary. He can tell her that he will be flexible within that agreement - as in if his children want to come to him they are always welcome (but may have a babysitter for part of that time if he has already made plans) but he can't live his life not being able to plan for work/family/friends because he may need to drop everything when she decides he should have his children.

Also he could actually take the children home and get a babysitter and still do a bit of your movie.

he must say to the ex that a reliable contact pattern must be agreed - and he will go to court if necessary.

Absolutely this. The situation won't improve unless you do this

We've been told due to age of DC, court would be a waste of money energy and time. But I'm 100% for court/mediation/legal - I wanted to do it 11 years ago.
DC have never had babysitters, only our friends on a handful of occasions and my parents when they are here. Don't live in the uk.

Based on your name I assume you’re in Australia (and it’s now Saturday night). If the children are under 15, court is still a viable option for contact, however once they are around 15 court are unlikely to set visitation.

Assuming the children are around 14/15, your husband could have taken them back to your house to hang out while you and your husband went to the cinema, or brought them to the cinema too (but bought them regular tickets to see whatever they wanted to see in another theatre, while you relaxed in Goldclass).