Advice with sticky divorce. Lost all hope :(

[mimi54]

Hi guys,

I'm going through a divorce from my partner who I have known for 30 years and boy is it hard.
Our whole relationship has been ups and down with mostly downs due to abuse and controlling nature so we divorced in 2011. We thought we'd give it another try in 2016 and just 6 months before I had purchased my first house but did not think anything of it. Issues happened again I had to get a non molestation order which lead to his arrest and now a divorce. He is asking for 50% of my house I have spoken to a lawyer today for advice and they said he will probably get 50% even if he did not buy it or contribute as we got married.

I have like such a fool and soon will have lost half of my whole life work on someone who I don't think ever loved me. :(

Can anyone give any advice on this? feeling low and not sure what to do or who to talk to..

Can you speak to another solicitor? I thought if no children or financial sacrifices made (eg one person asks the other to give up work for the sake of the marriage and look after the home) then it wasnt necessarily 50 50 any more

I did think of seeing another lawyer but I was just so shocked when I was told it will be 50 50. I will try another lawyer for advice and explain again and see what they suggest. I honestly thought that I would be able to keep my property if I just provide the house deed with just my name and prove that I paid for the upkeep without any help. This system is very upsetting and unfair.

Not much help OP but I'm fuming and gutted for you in equal measure. I think only a special type of bastard would take half of your home in these curcumstances. Definitely seek another opinion and then another untill you find someone willing to help. I know someone who had to call around several lawyers untill they found one willing to help, that was also regarding a property dispute when one party had owned the house and the other had not contributed. They kept their home in the end. Good luck.

You divorced in 2011?

When did you marry for the second time?

I know you can’t believe everything you read online but I once read that if a relatively short marriage fails then the courts aim to return each party to the financial situation they had prior to the marriage.

If you remarried in 2016 and the above is true then you just might be able to hang onto you home.

How long were you married the 2nd time? I’m guessing 3 years max probably 2. Wouldn’t that be classed as a short marriage and both parties leave with what they put in?

Do you live in England?

Go to the wikivorce website OP
They will be able to give you more detailed advice on there.
So sorry you are having to go through this.

Did you have a consent order from first divorce? This is critical as without this there is always the potential of a claim.

When you remarried did he bring any assets to to the marriage?

I suspect your solicitor has more facts than we do and is ilikely to be advising you on that basis.

we did. then remarried in June 2016 around 9 months after I purchased house.

I thought so too but lawyer I saw said the court will see it as a long relationship as we married in 1989 originally.

I don't think I've been replying to people directly, sorry!

Honestly you all have made things a lot more hopeful for me.

He has not contributed to the house or the marriage.. however we've been to court 3 times already as he's trying to revoke the non molestation order and occupy my property!

Yes I do live in England.

Lawyer I saw did mention that even though we've been on/off for 30 years the court will look at the duration of our first marriage in 1989-2011 and add our second marriage 2016-.. till now cause we are not divorced. I have seen online something that mention 5 years of marriage could mean keeping assets but does not mention if it has to to be 5 years marriage altogether or they only count last marriage. I will look for other lawyers it's shame it's bank holiday this Monday

I am not a solicitor but if you had a clean break agreement then that is a firm line drawn under your 1st marriage. If it wasn't clean break then perhaps there is scope.
Is there a massive disparity between assets/income for you both?

If for example he was awarded 50% in the first divorce and squandered those assets, during the period of separation, I can't see how a judge could decide you are now responsible for his needs after a short marriage.

Are the children if any adults? Cases such as yours must be rare but there could be case law. If this is the situation then your solicitor should advise you and cite the case. It is also worth considering getting a barristers view if you believe it will end up in court. This is preferable, rather than prepare for court.

I imagine if this hasn't been tested in court before then a barrister might see it as an opportunity for notability.

@Techway,

I am not sure if it was a 'clean break' divorce the first time. The difference between our income/assets is that he has been claiming disability benefits all his life and I have worked up until the age of 60. The first divorce no one got anything as I had barely nothing. All our children are adults. It has not been to court but today I received news from a mutual friend that he will applying to the court as I have not responded to his request for a 50/50 split.

Do you know if courts/judges in the UK will only look at this marriage being short? or will they look at our whole marriage and add up the years together.

If you received a decree absolute then the first marriage was ended. The challenge could be in the settlement made via the consent order. Did you show this to the solicitor? Usually it will say some language that closes the door to all future financial claims. The new marriage should then be treated as standalone.

I am just surprised that his solicitor and yours appear to agree which suggests there is something else at play. I would however speak to another solicitor, a marriage that ends in divorce has been dissolved so shouldn't be treated as continuous. Can you ask what legal basis they are using to determine this?

Did you have a pension at the time and if so why wasn't this shared?

Hi again Techway, I did receive a decree absolute when the first marriage ended. There was no financial settlement made. I have not shown this to the solicitor but I will with any new one I meet. You've made me think about it suspiciously now.. They both seem to agree that he will get 50% in court. I will ask what legal basis they are using to determine this.

Also, I do not have a pension and never did. I am not yet of age for a pension too but close to it. I that he receives pension credit, housing benefits and disability living allowance.

I think the issue has now arisen due to the lack of consent order..An absolute ends the marriage but without a financial consent order the door remains open for a claim, albeit less so as years pass. However since you rekindled the relationship the potential for claim was there as the door never firmly closed.

This is the danger of divorces without Consent orders, sealed by a Judge. I feel for you as it has now opened the door for a claim.

How much equity is there? Given court could cost anywhere between 15-30k then a pragmatic approach might need to be taken. Is he seeking an amount, whilst it might not be palatable it could make it go away so you can get on with your life..but ensure you have it sealed at Court so no come back.

If you bought the house through an inheritance then there could be grounds to exclude that, I assume he lived in your house during the marriage so had to go back to rented?

@Techaway, thanks for your reply.
I have no idea about the financial consent order, big mistake on my end.

The equity is my property valued around £400k and all he has is his benefits and pension. He is seeking a minimum of £300k or exactly half of my property, and he wants himself and his lawyer to be in charge of the selling, then cover his legal fees, then split the remaining money 50/50.

The money used to purchase the house was in my account from the 70s and it came through different companies from my fathers company. After my fathers death, myself and three siblings did not continue the business but there was always mutual trust with the money that was accumulated from our business. It was never solely my money and on the grounds that I had divorced him, I was able to access to account and purchase the property with their trust, with it being our property but it is solely in my name. Bare in mind the account was under sanction from 1980-2015. So I purchased the property within 6 months of the sanction being lifted. I am thinking that I may need some type of authority letter from my siblings or even their presence during court to explain that they have a share in the property too which is the truth. However, it is extremely uncomfortable as my remarriage has aggravated everyone in my family. Again, another big mistake.

Do you know what type of form/letter/consent order that is needed to show that my three siblings also own the property?

Your help is very much appreciated. Much more than what I have received, I am very grateful.

Yes, if you can prove the property is not solely owned by you then that will help it.

Yours is going to be a very tricky case, probably more than a usual high street solicitor would handle so I think finding the right legal team will be crucial. How would he fund a court case? Often solicitors will bill from any award so if he has provided them with details of the trust they maybe several steps ahead and feel confident of getting their fees paid.

The law looks at needs and fairness for asset split. On one hand it could be argued his needs are being met, if he has secure housing, pension etc however equality is an important test and he may argue that you had the assets at the time of the original divorce so should always had a share. Had a consent order been in place at the first divorce he could argue he would have had a share when it matured, irrespective of 2nd marriage.

The fairness argument is you have a 400k property whilst he is penniless. His behaviour won't be a factor since it's "marriage" which means you accepted this behaviour for most of the marriage.

Finances were not severed as no consent order and your legal team will have to argue that this trust was not an asset at the time of the first divorce which arguably it was, albeit time restricted.

Judges don't make settlements on moral fairness, it is simply about the law. This is hard something to get your head around.

Might be worth asking on this site or others for recommendations for solicitors or barristers as often a "barrister view" is worth hearing before deciding if court worth pursuing.

From your side, it probadly is, if he was asking for 50k, maybe not. But 300k is too much to just give away..just have to realise you could lose 300k plus 25k in court costs each. What do you think he is trying to achieve? Does he want enough to buy a house? If so would your children inherit anyway so might feel less of a bitter pill to swallow.

Don't know about the law but if he receives 50-50 of the value of the house, won't this affect his benefits.

@Techway, thanks for messaging again.

He has asked me to pay his court fees in a letter from his lawyers. I have asked several things, first was for both of us to release our rights to my property and put it in our children name immediately, he said no. He is wanting to get remarried and wants to purchase a flat in London. I asked him if he was to do this, can he put it in one of our children's name and I will put whatever I buy in the others. He said no, that during his life time the children will not get anything from him as this is his right in the UK to claim 50% in a divorce. There is a big conflict of our religions too, with him being Muslim and myself being Christian. Also, his friend has told me is will transfer all the money to his sister who lives in a different area and remain on benefits till he passes away so that he can spend the money living a very comfortable life. He is doing what he has done the past 30 years of knowing each other, making sure everyone around him pays for his very lavish lifestyle with no paying them back. He does not care about our children and will not give them a penny as he also did when we lived together. I was informed today that he will be applying to the courts to deal with the finances and I have not replied to his request for him to have power to sell the property and split 50/50.

I have not replied to his request for him to have power to sell the property and split 50/50

Until there is an order he can forget about forcing you to sell. If he plans to claim benefits then I guess you can inform the benefits people as he can't give away money that he might be awarded to house himself. That might be your karma.

He sounds as if he has got aggressive solicitors so you need to also match this. A legal mismatch in terms of approach means you could do worse.

Do you have access to a good financial advisor or accountant as this may also be needed. Does he have a relationship with your children?

@Techaway, thank you again.

Knowing him, he will attempt to obtain an order if there is one to force sell my property. I will inform the benefits people about his plans and ask them to note this down. Knowing him, he will say that it was stolen or something ridiculous. I do not have any financial advisor or accountants. His relationship with both our children throughout the years has been horrible. He was also abusive to them both and my son was diagnosed with mental illness many years ago. They do not have contact with him and during our life together in a shared house they did not have a relationship as he did not want to see them and they would be locked in their bedrooms. My big mistake on not reporting this at the time too. My son reached out to him past week and told him to agree to money so end this as it is effect all of our health and we will all suffer from the stress. He became very verbally abusive towards him and told him that now he wants the full house in his name, 50k cash and for all of us three to leave the country or he will not let us live in peace. It is shame my son did not record this as this could have been a breech on my non molestation order.

Do you know any good lawyers/financial advisors/accountants based in London?