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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my boyfriend what his sisters problem is?

48 replies

Channychanny · 23/08/2019 19:02

Boyfriends sister has never gone out of her way to welcome me. She never says hello to me and at a family bbq she greeted everyone except me and my daughter. I am really baffled by her behaviour. After family events I have always got up and said bye to her when leaving etc. She stares me dead in the eyes like I’m an enemy. She engages in no conversation with me what so ever.

I haven’t said a thing to my boyfriend about this. We’ve been together 2 years. He gets very touchy and protective about his family but it’s got to the point where I think she’s rude and quite frankly I’m not sure I would want to be friends with someone like that. On the other hand I don’t want to cause problems within the family. Not sure if I should just carry on and say nothing or mention it to my boyfriend.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 23/08/2019 22:47

If he asks you why you're not attending, ask him to guess. I don't think his sister is your main problem tbh.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 23/08/2019 22:47

Weird. Has she got the hots for her brother or something

QualCheckBot · 23/08/2019 22:52

DH's sister is like this to me. She clearly loathes me. She actually comes across as aggressive and a bit scary.

I know why it is though. We have nothing in common. I am sporty and fit and into fashion and have lots of animals. She is unfit but obsessed with nutrition, isn't into clothes and wants me to spend more time with her children. The whole family hate animals and I did invite them up to see my pets with MIL there but they wouldn't engage. Her husband is also a weird man with a strange attitude around women.

But I am at least polite to her and manage basic courtesies. She does actually ignore me or literally spit out her words, she hates me so much. The last time I saw her, I got one word answers, as though words were rationed. And that was only because other people were around!

ymf117 · 23/08/2019 23:02

What's the family set up? Do you think she feels like you've waded in? A little apprehension at the beginning is to be expected I think, but not years on, it's shitty behaviour. Depending on your personality either ignore or kill with kindness, you don't deserve that

Ravenblack · 23/08/2019 23:04

She is jealous of you. So obvious.

BrunettesDoItBetter · 23/08/2019 23:15

Is your daughter not your partners? Could she feel like you've trapped him into family life or some other deluded shit?

nzeire · 23/08/2019 23:22

Ew, I had a sil like this, she was revolting. Made my life hell for years. Until I stopped giving a shit!!! She figured she wasn’t getting rid of me and softened up over the years, but for me, I’ll never forgive her for many things. Nasty piece of work.

Original poster

Channychanny · 23/08/2019 23:26

No daughter is not my partners. He has 3 children so I don’t think she thinks I’ve trapped him. My daughter is 14.

OP posts:

Mrsmurrayposh · 23/08/2019 23:30

Ah, another brotherloving weirdo. They are very common.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 24/08/2019 00:10

I have a lovely sister in law in the way she has accepted me etc but she absolutely is weird with her brother, returns to a state of child like behaviour around him. If he walks ahead and me behind she will run in the front of me just to be around him. It’s hard to explain but it is weird. He is quite dismissive of it, but I probable ABU whereas you absolutely are not. TBH OP you are a better woman than I could ever be. I would have told my DP and his sister to fuck right off by now.

Lilylay · 24/08/2019 01:28

My SIL ran out crying when we got engaged.

Alicewond · 24/08/2019 01:32

Honestly if you want a good relationship then tell him how you feel and why. Relationships are ruined by lies, even white ones. Likely he knows you are uncomfortable but not why

Monty27 · 24/08/2019 01:33

Ah. Db obviously belongs to her and her only

Monty27 · 24/08/2019 01:34

What are the age differences?

1forAll74 · 24/08/2019 02:32

I think that you should try and speak to this sister about this issue, maybe clear the air a bit. You have nothing to lose really,, that's unless you will get in trouble with your partner,,then you will also know his views good or bad.

Bbang · 24/08/2019 02:32

I’ve come across a few of these in my time, I (privately) call them brotherfuckers 😆 it weirds me out how they blur the lines between normal and weirdly inappropriate all the time.

I love my brothers girlfriend she’s amazing and lovely, I couldn’t imagine being horrible to her even if I didn’t like her.

Yeahnahmum · 24/08/2019 06:16

You let this go for 2 years? ??
And your partner doesnt say anything either. Therefore he must think it is ok for his sister to do so.
Nice guy

shearwater · 24/08/2019 06:27

Just chat away to her, ask her about her day, her life, follow up questions, next time. Have you ever tried to talk to her on her own, or do you just give one another evils? Do you know anything about her? Do you like her? If not, why should she like you.

Doyouavocado · 24/08/2019 07:12

I agree with @EmmiJay I would do exactly the same and worse. I don’t know why you have been trying for so long. That would of been nipped straight in the bud

Original poster

Channychanny · 24/08/2019 09:47

I think I was shell shocked the first time. I don’t see her often though so I think that’s why it’s bearable. Just pisses me off.

OP posts:

SandAndSea · 24/08/2019 11:04

How do you frame this with your daughter and what does she think about it?

Serin · 24/08/2019 11:14

I wouldn't put up with this shit. What happened to your self respect? Next time she ignored me I would say "I just said goodbye to you? Did you not hear me or do you have a problem with me"?
Then take it from there.
If your partner has any respect for you he will back you up, if not then that tells you where his loyalties lie.
To treat a 14 year old like that is appalling.

SilverySurfer · 24/08/2019 13:44

I agree with others that she is jealous. Is she quite young and younger than your DP? Some idolise their big brothers and from her point of view you have stolen him from her. If you meet socially I doubt there's any point trying to have a relationship with her. If you have to, speak quite neutrally to her, otherwise I wouldn't bother. She's never going to be your friend.

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