Another wedding attendance thread...

[passthebluebottle]

Apology in advance, this maybe long as I'm trying not to drip feed...

We have just received a save the date for a cousin for the end of next year

We have had a big family fallout which means my DM will be invited but not DF, all relatives of DMs side won't have anything to do with him

I'm worried about potential fall out after alcohol anyway as it's the first time I have seen any of them since the issues came to light

It's 7 hours away

DS will be just turning three at the time
I've just been informed there will be no children welcome

DH hates social events and isn't a fan of driving so won't be thrilled about the journey (yet to tell him)

DM has offered to look after DS, I think as an excuse for not having to go on her own so that we can go

I have been suffering from PND and it all came to a head around the time of finding out about the fallout

I feel obligated to go even though my head tells me it's going to be horrendous, there's a lot of notice so I don't feel like I can say we can't because of work etc
But I'm worried the fallout could get nastier if I'm seen to be blanking them

Not really sure what my AIBU is, but
What do I do?! Do I not go and risk making everything ten times worse? Or go and risk everything being ten times worse?!

It's a very long time away, an awful lot may happen between now and then. Do you actually need to worry about this now?

If you don't want to rock the boat I would also go down the 'sorry, we have a holiday booked' route

@Tonnerre because my heads not my friend right now. I know all reason says not to stress until nearer the time but I can't switch my head off that easily as much as I would love to

At the moment it's only a 'save the date' you don't need to make any decisions now.

A lot can change between now and then why don't you just wait and see.

You have pnd so for your own mental health stay away from toxic situations. You come first before anyone else.

Some good advice here.

I would also worry that you might hear some family secrets about your dad (that may or may not be true) while you are so far away from home. Drop the family a note explaining it might be difficult logistically, but you would love to catch up some other time.

In my family, if a cousin has a destination wedding, there is no guilt trip on those of us with small kids.

Just save the date and decide later whether it is realistic to go or not.

Prioritize your mental health.
Thank them for the thought but you will be unable to attend.
Don't offer an explanation.

I would put it on the back burner for now. It's a long time to go yet and anything could happen before then. I would try not to think about the wedding until you get an actual invitation and trust that it will all resolve easily when the time comes.

ElizaDee I worry that's the nitty gritty of it all, but I haven't been told everything and I do think DMs trying to "protect" me, which makes me think it's worse than I know.

I only see them every other month or so and I get drip fed stuff by DM after a few drinks.

I hate the thought of blindly supporting them without all the info

I'd just keep to myself at the moment then and focus on your MH. Try to stay out of it until you know what's going on.

As for the wedding, just deal with that once you get the proper invitation and make your decision then, based on the situation at the time.