Entertaining friends

[33goingon64]

So last night DH and I invited over a couple who we're very good friends with. It was quite an emotionally charged evening for me and female friend as we're very close and they are moving away this weekend. When they arrived I was in the midst of cooking, DH was doing a bit of work upstairs and the DC were playing in the garden. They arrived at 7pm and I let them in, did all proper greeting stuff, opened a bottle of wine for them and explained I was just about to run the bath for DC and needed to put dinner in oven, and then I'd be right with them and looking fwd to hearing about their day packing up their house before moving etc. They were cool with that and went into garden.

DC come in from garden crying as they've been fighting, DH comes down at that point. He picks up a glass of wine and goes to sit in garden with guests, leaving me to sort dinner and run DC's bath. When I ask if he could help DC get into bath (a bit sharply I admit) he makes a joke about having to bath the DC (ha ha) and goes up, runs bath and comes back down, resumes place with wine and guests.

I get very tetchy (not in guests' earshot) with him about pleasing himself instead of asking what needs doing. He doesn't say anything in response and the evening unfolds nicely. He doesn't say anything to me after they've gone, doesn't speak to me this morning. We've just had it out - I apologised for over reacting (I know I did) but then explained how I'd felt. He took this as retracting the apology, told me to F off and has stormed off. To be fair I sometimes tell him to F off when we fight so I'm not upset about that really.

Just wondering who is BU? Me for minding him putting guests before helping me (which I see as the easy option frankly) or him for not accepting my feelings, which I acknowledge I articulated too strongly.

He is BU. He should have done his share of the stuff that needed doing so you both could spend time with the guests as soon as possible.

Why bath the children when you had guests? Couldn’t it have waited till morning maybe?

That's how I see it but he sees talking to the guests as the most important 'chore'. His worst fear is to appear rude.

I see both points really.

You shouldn't have to do everything, but I agree that leaving your guests in the garden alone is rude.

DC were filthy and hadn't been bathed for 2 days so it needed to happen. Plus if it hadn't been bath it would have been bed which is even more involved.

It’s alright to appear rude to his wife though 🤔

Is have sacked off bathing them. Who cares if they are filthy. Or do it earlier way before they were due to arrive. And don't invite people round until later if they take ages to put to bed.

I’m with @hopeishere. If this was your last chance to see your friend before their move, the bath could’ve waited.

I wouldn't even leave my siblings or best friends to own devices if I'd invited them around

DH should have stopped work earlier to ensure he'd bathed kids.

Thanks for replies, it helps to see it from other angles. They arrived at 7 because they had literally just packed their house up and had nothing to do. They are easy going and have young DC so know the score regarding kids bedtime etc.

I'm with pp, I wouldn't have bathed the kids. Spending time with your guests is more important.

Bathed DC earlier?

Sounds like you created too much work for yourself by leaving bath time until after they'd arrived and cooking. I would have bathed earlier and ordered a takeaway! Failing that, I would have discussed with DH how i thought we should do things before the guests arrived.

But he's being a twat for storming off.

Yanbu. My husband was like that. I remember once on the way home from a long day out with a friend and her children, she called her dh and let him know they were to be home soon. He replied that he had their pjs laid out and would start running their baths. I was gobsmacked that there were men who were helpful. Crazy, in hind sight. I realize now that all good partners help each other with raising the kids and doing the things that need doing, man or woman. I just remember feeling so shocked and jealous! If only I could go back and demand more, or at least realize that what I dealt with wasn't the norm.....

I’d have bathed them earlier or left them until morning. I wouldn’t have invited guests and then done it.

Where were guests kids ?

Sounds stressful , I agree with dh, rude to leave guests alone in garden

Or bath kids in the day

Or get takeaway

You kind of made the whole evening more stressful than it needed to be

I would have bathed the children at a different time.

I wouldn't have bathed the dc either. Think yabu overall as it was just a chaotic evening and you were probably both to blame.

I think you are both unreasonable.

The kids should've been bathed already if it was necessary and dinner could've been in the oven or simple to do. He shouldn't have been working when they arrived either.

But as you were both disorganised then there was no need to snap at each other, just accept that you weren't organised and make the best of it I suppose

Thanks everyone. The friends' DC were staying with GPs. I agree it was just one of those things - but I've apologised but he's still in a mood. He's a sulker I'm afraid. I refuse to say anything more since the last words we had were him telling me to F off. We've got a nice weekend with my family - I won't let him spoil it though he has sulked right through a holiday with my family before. He can stew in his own juice.