To feel uncomfortable

[radioactiveimagination]

...With strangers talking to my DC in the supermarket, completely ignoring me and getting irritated when the DC don't respond as desired? Was in the queue at the pharmacy in the supermarket when a woman started trying to talk to DS15 months, then to DD4 yrs, who both just stared back at her blankly, not sure how to respond. She was obviously irritated by this and just kept trying to get some kind of reaction, not even looking at me or acknowledging my presence at all. We were just trying to go about our day. DS is ill with tonsillitis, hence the pharmacy trip, and DD is shy around strangers. And has a habit of licking her lips when nervous, which the woman thought was her sticking her tongue out, for which she called DD a 'little so and so'. I'm annoyed with myself for not challenging her, (opting instead just to move trolley/kids away from her and turn my back, feeling uncomfortable during the long wait for our prescription) but I just didn't feel up to a potential confrontation with a stranger. My point is the DC are just small people with feelings, they aren't here for entertainment value to random women in supermarkets. I guess I just don't understand why people do this. I'd never start talking to a random child just for the sake of it. What do people get out of it?

YABU ! She’s talking to your kids not trying to kidnap them teach them to say hello

You need to relax a bit. She was probably trying to be friendly.

On one hand, people love children.
OTOH it’s just as you say, so if the children don’t smile/say hello, she should’ve just said to you “they are adorable” and go back to minding her own business.
Verdict: YANBU

That's it 7worfs, perhaps I didn't get across. It's not that she said anything at all, I don't mind people saying hello and smiling at all, and usually the DC smile or say hi back (as I said DS is ill so not his usual chipper self, DD wasn't being rude, just shy). It was just the way she reacted when they didn't do that straight away, as if they were not performing for her as expected. I just wanted to know if others have experienced this and thought it odd/disrespectful.

I'm sure they mean well, but honestly i find most of the people who tend to randomly start trying to make conversation with my 5 year old don't seem used to doing much talking to youngsters. They'll ask them the strangest questions out of the blue. Questions I'd be caught off guard with straight off the bat! Rather than ask the name of the teddy or ask about something easy and visible they'll ask .... i dunno .... things like - 'hows your maths then ay?! AY?' or 'have you been naughty and that's why mum's got you in here then? AY?' (tesco)

Then when the DCs don't answer, or look at me with that 'what do they want me to say?' face it means i have to answer for her or start explaining what they want her to tell them and it IS a faff when you just want to stand and gaze into space at the till for 2 mins!!

I hate strangers trying to talk to youngest, most seem to think it’s fine to try and tickle him/pat his head/pinch his cheeks etc. When they do he kicks off, starts screaming and hitting and they call him things along the lines of “brat” (that was the politest one). If I pre-emptively tell them not to touch him I get called stuck up and precious. Youngest hates strangers with a passion, no idea why since in general he’s a pretty friendly boy to everyone he knows personally (child minder, family, friends etc) but the second a stranger tries to engage him he clams up then kicks off.

Wish people would accept that he’s a person who has a right to not want to be touched or spoken to.

How ridiculous they probably feel obliged to say something due to the way kids stare at people and if you don’t acknowledge them when they’re staring at you, you get treated like a miserable child hater. Can’t win!

Well DS might have been a bit starey, in a feverish, dazed sort of way. I’m pretty certain he didn’t look like he was up for a chat though 😂 I’d certainly never accuse anyone of child-hating for not want to chat to random children as I’m no child hater myself but if I’m ever lucky enough to be in a shop on my own the last thing I want to do is talk to someone else’s child, I get enough chat at home!

Exactly Laiste, the whole thing just creates awkwardness all round!

Well, I'm of the opposite opinion. Being the ultimate people pleaser myself, and socially conditioned to speak to people even when I feel uncomfortable, I'm working hard to show my own dc that if you don't want to speak to someone, you don't have to.

My own experiences in struggling to deal with unwanted (and frankly creepy sometimes) people who want to talk, mean that I am determined my own dc won't experience this. Yes, they are girls.

I would deal with this by saying something like, sorry, but my children don't really like talking to people they don't know. If they are offended, that is their issue and I don't really give a rat's arse. I mean, the response I've given is perfectly polite and factual. If they get the arsehole about it, that is their lookout.

That woman sounds horrible, calling your child a little so and so.
Children aren't performing monkeys!

Licking your lips to moisten them when anxious is actually a really useful thing to do! When we're frightened or worried our mouth can suddenly feel dry, so moistening your lips helps with that and can also then ease the sensation of being frightened.

Just mentioning because it would be a shame if your DD no longer felt able to use a really good coping strategy for her shyness/nervousness. Assuming you've reassured her she didn't do anything wrong and not to worry about doing that?

That’s it bitch, I think it’s the social conditioning we feel to always be smiley and obliging even when the other person is being pushy and rude. My immediate instinct was to be embarrassed that the DC didn’t immediately act in a charming way but then I thought no! Why should they if they don’t feel like it?

@Zebraaa who treats you like a miserable child hater for not asking children random questions in odd places?

Thanks mini, she obviously felt uncomfortable with this woman for whatever reason, it's not something she does all the time.

I did reassure her and tell her she doesn't have to speak to people she doesn't know. We'll soon be teaching her 'stranger danger' as she's off to school so it makes me wonder about the mixed messages children get about that!

I get what you mean. Some people my DD will say hello to and try to understand what they're asking and others shes not keen on she hides behind me and I simply reply that 'shes VERY shy.' She technically doesn't owe anyone a response but its helping her speech. Also just butt in with any conversation the adult is having with your child. I, personally, wouldn't talk to another persons child unless I knew the adult anyway but different strokes and that...

YANBU, at all.

It's fine to chat to young kids but also involve the parent. Small children aren't sure about strangers and usually look to see what their parent does.

Your poor DD. 😰 I can't believe the woman was so rude to call her names.

You probably did the right thing by not engaging but I can see why you wish you'd said something!

Little children do not owe random strangers any interaction! Of course, it's good to help them be polite and develop social interactions but you can't make them talk / react as crazy woman seemed to think!