To hate it when people say 'at least you have your step children'

[LifesABloodyBitch]

Just found out I've had a missed miscarriage. This is my 8th and I'm waiting to be admitted on the ward for management.

So many people have said things like 'well at least you have X & Y (SCs names)' as if they are a replacement for having a child myself.

Its really starting to get on my nerves. I love my SC really I do but it isn't the same. I don't just go 'oh well at least I have Hs kids, never mind'. They are good kids and we get on well but I'm not their mum. All I want is to be someone's mum.

If anything, the fact H has children makes it harder mentally when I'm struggling. It's fucking hard knowing he has what I may never and seeing him be a parent when I keep losing our babies.

I understand people mean well and it's nothing to do with the kids as people, they are fantastic. But at the end of the day, they aren't my children. AIBU to think this is insensitive? I want to say 'well no, it's not the same and it doesn't make it easier'.

YANBU.

There's no "at least" with this.

So very sorry you are going through this. In all honesty anything anyone says now is likely to give you the rage and that’s understandable.

I would only talk with people who say the right things or, indeed don’t try to make a grim time to be anything else but grim.

Best wishes. Take care of yourself- really take care of yourself.

You're right it's horribly insensitive and totally irrelevant. I myself have been there and I've heard all the horrid cliches. People need to realise that sometimes a hug is better than a crap one liner. Be kind to yourself OP and try to remember they probably mean well and just said the first thing they thought of. Some people get flustered around pregnancy loss.

Yanbu op. So sorry for your losses. have been where you are. Hopefully you are getting some answers medically. Nothing will compare to your own kids. People who haven't been through these issues wont get it.

Sorry you are going though this. They are insensitive people. You have lost your baby and whether other children exist or not doesn't change that. I had people say at least you have DD1 when DD2 died it's a rubbish thing to say. I hope the medical management goes as well as it can and take time to look after yourself

Sorry for your losses.
You are 100%right, it's really annoying.
It's like if someone's mum died and you said "well at least you have your dad". They are completly different people.

Take care and look after yourself. Xx

I just feel like giving up.

I know people think I can't see the wood for the trees but I seriously feel like I have nothing.

I hate my job, all I do is come home, eat, sleep and go to a job I despise all day. I've no kids, the only person I have is H really. Yes I like his kids a lot but I don't feel like we're a 'family'. I feel like he has his family with someone else. I'm just his wife.

Hi easy on yourself OP, you've just had another awful shock and still waiting for treatment.

Have you had any proper investigations for your losses?

I actually had a midwife say to me after my MMC; ‘ at least you’ve got other children’

Unbelievable.

Yanbu op and so sorry for your loss

People say very unhelpful things when they are struggling to know what to say.
I used to feel cross when people with loads of kids used to say "at least you've got one already " after my mcs and secondary infertility.
Fertilityfriends.co.uk was a really helpful resource and has a lot of up to date info xxx

Bloody hell OP, 8 miscarriages is really tough. I guess people aren't sure how to respond so just mention the stepchildren inanely.

YANBU. There isn't a reasonable sentence that starts "at least..." when you've lost a baby.

I hope you get your rainbow.

you’re not being unreasonable. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope things work out