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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bad tempered 5 year old

21 replies

Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 16:23

Posting on old account as new one is logging me out when I try to create a post..

Hi I'm looking for some advice please. My 5 year old sons temper is wild. And I really don't know what to do any more. He's destructive. Doesnt care about peoples property kicking cars etc. Hitting people. Throwing stuff to the ground. He scrapped his tv screen the other week. He cheeky calls other children /adults names. And he doesn't feel bad just laughs about it. I've punished him took his stuff away grounded him. But it doesn't effect him he continues with screaming tantrums, I thought he would be past it by this age. But he was a good child till he was nearly 3 and has gotten well worst since then. He smirks when being shouted at etc. I refuse to take him to shops, play centres and restaurants as he is never good. Please tell me this will pass as I'm not sure. He's due to start school next week and I'm hoping it will calm him. But nursery didn't do to much as he has problems concentrating. Went through a phase of hitting. And we done the reward charts. Worked once after that he lost interest. Any advice please

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 23/08/2019 16:31

My best advice is to get a ball and thrower and take him to a park lots.

Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 16:44

Really.. Its about my son not a dog Hmm. He gets plenty of sleep so isn't over tired can have between 10 & 12 hours a night. If he's over tired he does nap but messes up his night time sleep. He just never stops and I really don't no what to anymore

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 23/08/2019 16:46

Oh right. Sorry my advice to get fresh air and exercise is unnecessary.

[slinks away]

Di11y · 23/08/2019 16:47

I think you need to try a totally different tack, trying to dig beyond his behaviour to what's driving it.

go on aha parenting website and read about connecting with your child.

YouJustDoYou · 23/08/2019 16:54

I came down HARSH on my son when he was doing this.also, I second buckets and buckets and BUCKETS of hard core exercise. My other two can do an hour or so on the park and be happy etc, but he needs prior engagement and running to get all the energy out. His emotions stillburst out - it's a fine line sometimes. If you're really worried, go to his gp for professional advice/rule out/assess additional needs.

00100001 · 23/08/2019 17:02

We'll kids are "naughty" for a reason

Lack of boundaries
Not feeling safe
Inconsistency in rules/life
Unsettled
Poor diet.
Too many screens/computer games/videos
Not enough fresh air exercise etc.
Lack of positive reinforcement etc

What are your views on the above regarding him? Eg how settled is home? Are you consistent and fair when having to discipline him? Does he get positive feedback and attention etc?

00100001 · 23/08/2019 17:03

How much running around does he do Inna day?

Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 17:12

Different days varies. We've been out 80 % of the time over the summer holidays even when out a few days in a row his behaviour can be the same. We would go to the park through a walk way. Play with his cousins. We haven't done much day trips due to his behaviour. He goes to his dad's 3 nights a week from about 5 o'clock and home at 7/8 in the morninh. He said he isn't as bad with him. Then that makes me feel like bad mum but I do nothing to encourage this sort of behaviour. I do admit he does use a tablet and when he's on this it's his quietest time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 17:15

@flibbertyGiblets sorry I took it the wrong way.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 23/08/2019 17:20

When he goes to school book in with the senco and ask for advice
They can refer to education psychologist for review aNd advice
Behaviour is for a reason
Behaviour is communication
You may need support to find the reason

Sunflowers211 · 23/08/2019 17:26

My 8 year old was exactly like this at his age, I was at the end of my tether with him. In the end I enrolled him in a Martial Arts Class for his age group. They teach discipline, teamwork, confidence, learn how to listen and make eye contact as well as basic self defence/fitness in class. Every week they have a mat chat where they discuss things like starting school, bullying, fire safety etc etc. I can honestly say my son has completely lost his aggression, he has focused a lot more and he listens. His instructor told him if he ever hit me again he would never set foot in the place ever again, and he has not hit me once.

Too much energy and finding a safe way to burn it off has helped massively. Do you think your DS would like to try something like this?

newtb · 23/08/2019 17:33

DD had massive problems with anger, but could rein it in at school etc. In the ned, after collaborating with a project to devise questionnaire for PDA she met all the criteria, but couldn't get a diagnosis. She found the descriptions almost too true to her way o behaving.

Might be worth having a look at the autism society to see if any of the pda stuff applies.

Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 17:42

I have looked into it before and spoke with the nursery teachers they said it could be a possibility but never raised it with me and his transitions papers said they had no concern. I do find that from me and his dad have spilt up he has got a lot worse but I couldn't say that to him as he will play the victim all his all his fault. (it was). I'm gonna wait til he's in school as the teacher does watch out for these things and I've known of 2 kids she's sent to be tested with the parents. (last year) and I've heard she can be hard on then. Sorry if I'm using the wrong words or terms as I don't no much about these situations. There is nothing in my area for him at his age in that sense.. I don't drive so can't travel to far. He does do campaigners on a Wednesday it starts up soon again. But again he would be disruptive in that but they managed with him but I was pulled a few times with it.

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 23/08/2019 18:21

He scrapped his tv screen the other week.

What led to this OP? What was happening that he felt he needed to act in this way? How did you respond? Were you calm or were you shouting, or maybe somewhere in between? What was the consequence?

He cheeky calls other children /adults names.
Swear words or silly names? If swear words, is he around swear words a lot to feel that it's normal to say? Or that people laugh when they hear a kid swear so he's repeating it to get a reaction?

When did you and his dad split? Does his behaviour stem from that? Does dad say anything negative about you (do you get along)? Has your DS heard this (or even overheard it) and blames you for making daddy go away?

You don't have to answer any of these OP, but they might make you consider what changed when he was 3, and his behaviour was OK.

Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 19:34

He had a rock in his room which he was keeping for his collection at his dad's. He refused to admit he done it and blamed the "ghost" and still says it was the ghost but smirks when saying it.

As into names he calls people weirdo stupid etc. And he did go through a phase of bad words but I've kind of sorted it he would say your a bad word as in them words so he's not saying an actual word.

Me and my ex kind of get along he's a girlfriend our son likes her but he had 2 different women introduced to him within 6 months apart. Our son was distant with him for a while refused to say he loves him etc and finally admitted daddy is always cheeky to mummy. Took a 4 year to call him out on his attitude. We have an older daughter but she isn't as bad. I wouldn't know if he says anything bad about me infront of him. We spilt just before he was 3. And remembers stuff that has happened back then which I'm shocked at. His daddy's car park at the OW house down the street and says daddy was bad when he lived there but he's good now he lives up that way pointing up the street.

OP posts:
BarbariansMum · 23/08/2019 19:39

Regarding the smirking, remember that it can be due to anxiety rather than defiance (this is one of the things I belatedly realised w ds2).

BarbariansMum · 23/08/2019 19:40

The more you post, the more he sounds like my ds2. A lot of a dirty hiding under stroppy behaviour.

BarbariansMum · 23/08/2019 19:41

dirty? Anxiety!

Dutch1e · 23/08/2019 19:43

My best advice is to get a ball and thrower and take him to a park lots.

I actually did this with my eldest. There were some behavioural things that needed work but things always went more smoothly when her physical energy was used up. Embarrassingly, there were a lot of puppy-training tips that worked well to help her feel important and better-directed.

Dutch1e · 23/08/2019 19:46

And I think the dedicated time together didn't hurt

Original poster
Tinydancer08 · 23/08/2019 20:23

Thank you everyone for the advice. Once hes into school next week I'll try and get him into more of a routine to burn more energy off. I think if you walked him 10 miles he still be bouncing lol and see how his behaviour goes in school also. Thank you

OP posts:
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