To feel bad and frustrated for people who...

[whocanbebothered]

Cannot stand up for themselves?

I read posts on MN all the time there are so many posts asking the most obvious seeming questions, such as:

• Friends who overstay their welcome for last 12 years, how can I subtly ask her to move out? *DSis; who you have a super close relationship with, but don't know how to politely mention that you think her popping by 8 times on a Tuesday before 9am is a tad annoying *CF neighbour barges into house without knocking and kicks your dog, should I be annoyed?

I'm not the MOST confrontational, confident person in the world but posts like this really confuse me as to how some people communicate in everyday life. I totally understand that some people have disabilities, some people have MH issues etc and therefore struggle with exactly how to deal with situations, and small issues weigh on them in a different way to some other people.

I just genuinely feel for them, and believe that life must be considerably harder if you do not possess the ability to tell people NO/ let people know when they have upset you / set personal boundaries. I have no answer to it, I have no suggestions other than when these posts come on and I shout from the rafters Tell them to F**k Off!" I sometimes wish that I lived close to some of the meeker Mn'etters so I could go round to their annoying neighbours/ CF'ers etc doors on their behalf and let rip

I lacked self esteem and was a total doormat until 31yo. Then like a light going on, I stopped giving more than I could and started preserving myself. I don't go round telling people to fuck off, but I have strong boundaries. I also don't have friends who are arseholes

It's difficult for some people to say 'no' to bullies, narcissists, arsey relatives etc.

You are not being unreasonable. However, I feel less sympathy and more rage with such people.

I'm sure it's to do with emotional issues and upbringings blah blah blah but it's fucking annoying to see people get walked over when they could easily stop it.

It's a slow process for me; I'm learning I can speak up more and assert myself but it doesn't come naturally! I envy those with solid self esteem that find it easy to confront and assert.

I did have to confront a neighbour this morning about an issue though, I was quite nervous about it but it went really well and has paid off positively. Progress!

I honestly think people on here over egg how reserved they actually are. For sympathy, a long thread with many responses, attention etc.

I could agree more op, I think they must be people pleasers so they’d rather be walked all over than possibly upset someone whereas I’d rather risk upsetting someone else if it means I’m not being taken advantage of. I do wonder how some people make it through life though!

I was like this in my teens. I had an abusive step-father then walked straight into an abusive relationship so yes, I was a complete doormat I suppose. I don’t blame myself for it though, I literally had zero self esteem and didn’t exactly choose to be abused. I mean, I chose to stay in that relationship for a while but as soon as I left he made my life a living hell until I involved the police. Shit time in my life.

I’m not such a doormat now, suppose I have gained a thicker skin with age. Teaching has helped my confidence, you have no choice but to be assertive as a teacher.

When I read this I think its time I left my family .
I clearly take too much from them.

I totally agree with this. Life must be so difficult

I am extremely reserved and cannot bear 'making a scene'. I also hate falling out with family. But yes, a lot of those sorts of posts are things where even I would have no qualms about saying a firm no to people. I mean, I don't like confrontation but if my in-laws suddenly decided they were going to come on holiday with us for a fortnight both my partner and I would not feel remotely bad about saying 'Er, no, sorry, this is a holiday just for us.'

I also get really annoyed by people who reply to posters like that suggesting some sort of compromise that is clearly also a huge imposition. Eg:

Poster: My neighbour has asked me to look after all five of her children, three of whom have behaviourial issues, for the duration of the six-week summer holiday from 6am to 8pm every day. She isn't going to pay me anything and has also said she expects me to take them all to a theme park once a week during that time. I am heavily pregnant and have four DCs of my own and also, my DH is currently off work sick with two broken legs and we are moving house on Tuesday. AIBU to say I can't act as my friend's unpaid full-time nanny at my own expense? Also the other day the same friend punched me in the face and called me a fat bitch for no reason.

Response: Oh, OP, that does sound a bit much. Could you perhaps suggest that you only have her children four days a week and maybe say you'll take them to a theme park just the once? Or could you perhaps arrange some days out that won't cost so much, like some outdoor activities at the local park?

It’s always easier to fix someone else’s life.

Agree with above. Also there can be hilarious levels of minimising

@dollydaydream114 that made me laugh!.
After finishing a bad week at work with so much confrontation, I realise if I use a bit of banter (with a hint of sarcasm) to get your point across, it's better than being aggressive. I do speak up for myself but on a low key level iyswim - depends on your tone/delivery.
But yay, it's a bank holiday weekend and gonna be a hot one! 🥂 🌞