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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think life isn't fair?

18 replies

Shitfuckoh · 23/08/2019 10:55

Single mother of 3. Childrens dad is being a major let down in more way than 1.

Due to summer holidays & all that involves, new uniforms/shoes/bags/lunch boxes etc finances are stretched to say the least.

I've had to buy the kids new beds. I'm in urgent need of a new one for me. I'm having to sell anything of value I own to try to get the money to buy a new one.

Their dad? He's fine dining, sharing the pictures on social media of his meals, taken an holiday abroad this summer yet hasn't spent more than his typical few hours with them per week in the whole summer holidays. Neither has he given a single penny towards anything - food, uniform, anything. I'm not expecting him to pay over the CM, paying that would be a start!

AIBU to have a down day and just think he's an absolute twat?!

OP posts:

Lifecraft · 23/08/2019 10:57

How can you get to adulthood and only "think" life isn't fair. I'd figured out be the age of 6 that life wasn't fair.

mbosnz · 23/08/2019 10:58

Life is not fair.

And you are more than reasonable to be feeling down about your situation and the contrast in your lifestyles.

He is a total twat.

Do you think it's very healthy for you to be looking on his social media though? It's like getting a bag of salt and rubbing it directly into your own wound, I would have thought!

Original poster

Shitfuckoh · 23/08/2019 11:08

@Lifecraft 6? Wow, that's young! Well obviously I know life isn't fair, it was more of a figure of speech rather than 'just' learning life isn't fair, if that makes sense!

@mbosnz It popped up on my newsfeed. I could stop his posts from appearing but the children like to video call him if they go 2 weeks without seeing him (as sometimes happens if he cancels seeing them!) so I wouldn't want to unfriend him for their sake.

OP posts:

HeyMonkey · 23/08/2019 11:09

He doesn't pay CM at all?

Washpot · 23/08/2019 11:11

@Lifecraft lovely post to someone who’s feeling down.

Original poster

Shitfuckoh · 23/08/2019 11:12

@HeyMonkey No. The CMS are being ignored by him basically.

OP posts:

Washpot · 23/08/2019 11:13

That sounds incredibly frustrating. I’d feel quite let down and upset too. I don’t have any useful advice but hope you find a way to get him to step up soon.

Original poster

Shitfuckoh · 23/08/2019 11:14

@Washpot Lol. It's fine. I should have expected a reply like it, it is AIBU after all. I guess I am, for not clarifying that I was just feeling a little sorry for myself rather than not actually knowing life isn't fair

OP posts:

Sunflowers211 · 23/08/2019 11:15

You need to get an attachment of earnings slapped on his wage by CMS. If he has ignored them then they can move to doing that now. Be firm with them, it will take a couple of months but all arrears will be included in the amount. Good luck

whattodowith · 23/08/2019 11:17

Contact CMS, he should be paying CM by law.

Stop looking at his social media, it’s never going to make you feel better.

mbosnz · 23/08/2019 11:22

Do what the above posters have said re CMS.

I will never understand how people can just cease to care about their children's wellbeing. Which to me is what not paying CMS says a person is doing. Bastard.

Good point about the social media. You're a good Mum, making sure the kids maintain contact with their father, despite all this shit.

Pick which ones you want - I wish I could give them to you for real!

Lifecraft · 23/08/2019 13:21

@Lifecraft lovely post to someone who’s feeling down

There's no point in beating about the bush.

mbosnz · 23/08/2019 14:21

There's no point in beating about the bush.

Gosh no. Why waste a perfectly good opportunity to kick somebody when they're down, ay?

Greyponcho · 23/08/2019 14:25

He sounds like a twat.
Your DC will remember his behaviour and use that as an example of how not to be an adult scraping the barrel of a shit situation for something positive

Ginmel · 23/08/2019 14:30

It does suck OP and it's not fair. In years ahead though it'll be you with the great relationship with your sons and the twat-x will be moaning the boys won't want anything to do with him.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 23/08/2019 14:35

Aw OP. Sorry things are so rubbish at the moment.

There is one thing you can do to improve your finances though, and PP have already said it.

Get CM organised and don't give up. Your DC's father needs to be made responsible for them in a financial manner.

And although life isn't fair, things do have a tendency to come back and bite you on the bum later on.

Karma will get him. Eventually.

ThinkGlow · 23/08/2019 14:40

@Lifecraft

I bet you're nice as pie in real life
But really, wouldn't hurt to throw a seed or two of empathy amongst the non-bush beating.

ThinkGlow · 23/08/2019 14:43

Karma will get him. Eventually

I do hate that phrase! Ultimately life is unfair, no such thing as karma.

OP get onto CM pronto and create your own karma. And like PP have said, you're far more likely to have a close, happy relationship with your DC than their DF is.

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