Perfect relationships

[Birdtablegreen]

A bit of a vent but I sometimes feel fed up reading descriptions of people’s DH/DP on here - they sound like the world’s most generous man, best father, kindest, most attractive etc etc. Excluding the LTB threads obviously. All around me my friends (early 30s) are going away on romantic weekends, getting engaged, generally being super loved up and me and DP have just had a blazing row over washing up when I’ve come back from working away and the house is a total tip. He can’t understand why I’m that bothered, I think it shows a lack of respect when he knows how much I care about the house looking respectable. He has taken offence at my ‘tone’ and I’m just generally upset and fed up about the whole thing.

AIBU to feel like either my relationship is crap or everyone else’s is a bit of a facade??

Everyone has the same arguements! No such thing as a perfect relationship just no one talks openly about the bad stuff usually!!

It’s simplu not possible to have a perfect relationship with someone you live with day in day out.

Whoever claims that is just focusing on the positive and good at hiding/forgetting the negatives

Maybe it’s just this forum then that makes me feel inadequate! I get that social media is all show but this is a private forum!

I’m one of those people who say my DH is great. We have been together 30+ years; I still feel my heart jump when I see him unexpectedly and we are lucky enough to have lots of fun and romance together.
But there are compromises that we both make. I don’t like some of his friends who I see as fairly misogynistic, I wish he would call out his sister on her behaviour towards us etc. Some things I compromise on may be deal-breakers for others. And some of my behaviours drive him potty as well of course.
So you are nbu in believing there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

Sorry this isn’t going to be what you want to hear but... when I was with my ex I was sure that everyone else’s relationship was a facade, because we argued pretty much every day. I just assumed everyone else did too, and that they were either lying or had really boring relationships if they didn’t.

Now I’ve been with my fiancé four years and can honestly say we’ve never had a blazing row, ever. Of course there’s the odd grumble but it’s hard to believe now that I ever thought what I had before was normal. Only you know what’s right and normal for you, but are you happy? How often do you feel miserable in your relationship?

I know what you mean OP. But I think people will only highlight the good parts of their relationship.

We don’t often argue (though have no children yet which probably massively helps)! But when we do it can be about something just as daft as the washing up.

But if I were to post on somebody’s thread about the great parts of my relationship, you would be none the wiser.

I love my DP to pieces. He's hilarious and gorgeous and I am absolutely daft about him. I'm marrying him next year and he often buys me flowers.

But sometimes he's also an annoying wanker who never puts his clothes in the laundry basket and can't cook without trashing the kitchen.

It's all swings and roundabouts.

God on here I tend to think most other people's relationships sound awful! You must be reading other threads to me.

I am very very happily married but we still argue about housework, everyone does.

Really?, I'm surprised you get that. I would say I see the complete opposite from this site.Alot of threads about people in some very unhappy, unhealthy relationships. I guess it all depends where you look.

For DH and I we have highs and lows, sometimes for extended periods. During the highs I would be able to focus on his good points despite petty disagreements. During the lows I would focus on bad points, despite loveliness occuring.

Being aware of this means I'm able to sort of survive during the bad bits doing a good patch should be coming round the corner, but the first few bad patches were absolutely brutal.

Check out the relationships board. Plenty of bad relationships around

Well I mean while it’s normal for people to do shitty things in a relationship (like letting the house get messy) and it’s normal to get annoyed/upset/cross, it’s not normal to react by having big fights and raging at the person who has done the wrong thing or getting huffy and offended when being told you’ve done something wrong. All relationships have these mundane day to day life problems occurring in them but usually people deal with them as they come up and don’t make a living with another person problem into a relationship problem. I doubt most people would turn unwashed dishes into an emotional fight.

Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Knowing*

Also have to agree that most posts on here are about relationships when things go wrong. No point in posting about a smooth sailing relationship where no one ever behaves unreasonably (or do I read too much AIBU?).

but this is a private forum!

It really, really isn't. Look at the number of threads that get lifted by that shitrag the Daily Mail; this is a public forum and it's as much Social Media as Facebook or Instagram. People are open on here and sometimes it bites them on the arse.

I don't think it's fair to say that everyone else's relationship is a facade. I think you need to look closely at your own. Is this a regular thing between you?

Everyone has arguments but what matters is how often and how you handle them.

If it’s all the time or the arguments fester that’s not good.

DH and I don’t argue often and we are both crap at arguments (both brooders) but we try very hard to sort things out quickly.

I don’t think it’s often one or the other, every relationship has its compromises and difficulties behind the scenes, but that doesn’t mean it’s a facade either.

I have been with my DP 11 years, he’s the funniest person I’ve ever met and I love spending time with him, but he still drives me mad from time to time with his quirks and we will had a row here and there.

I think it’s about what your consistent happiness levels are, if you love each other and generally things are good with the occasional blip/getting on each other’s nerves then that’s alright. But if you’re always fighting, always resentful and unhappy, that isn’t.