To use a babysitting service when I want me time?

[Ilaughinthefaceofdanger]

Okay so here is the deal,
I'm a single mum to four children. I was in an abusive relationship for a long long time and I've never really been on the dating scene.
I feel guilty asking my parents all the time for help with childcare. But I'm literally on my own with zero other options.
I was told I need to get back on the horse because I deserve to be happy.
If you're a single parent you will know how hard this is.
I work hard and I'm currently knee deep in my degree. My parents sometimes help with childcare for that. So I feel like I'm asking way too much for time for myself also. They do it and never complain. But they need a break too.
So I looked around for alternative routes in childcare and found a fantastic service online, brilliant prices and all DBS checked babysitters.
I've booked one for Sunday, but I can't help feeling guilty. On my kids, my parents. I've no idea why. I just do. Probably because I'm new to all of this.
Help me out mumsnet. Am I doing the right thing?

Of course YANBU! Regardless of your status, past, career etc etc - you do not need to justify your need to spend some time alone! If you can afford it, then go for it and feel no guilt whatsoever.

Enjoy

Of course, taking a break will benefit your kids imo, happier relaxed mom, enjoy

If I'm honest, the service is cheaper than a childminder, so it's actually quite affordable, even if its once a month and then I won't feel as guilty asking my mum once a month either, if you know what I mean.
I really do struggle sometimes feeling suffocated when I all I do is work, clean and take care of children. Of course I love them and of course I enjoy being a mum and its absolutely my job. But I was so constricted for so long with a man who controlled my life and is now a deadbeat father. I didn't ask for any of this and I'm doing my best to make the most out of the situation.
So I thought why not?

Don’t feel guilty at all OP, you deserve breaks. Enjoy your me time!

it's nice when you pay for a service. you don't feel like your burdening anyone, it's transactional.

trading on favours all the time can start to get complicated.

Absolutely don’t feel guilty. We all need time to recharge.

@Di11y
That's exactly it. It will be guilt free, I hate that feeling of not relaxing when that's exactly what you are supposed to be doing. The kids are old enough to play out and play in their rooms ect. So it won't be a massive hassle for the babysitter either

You’ll feel great for having the time out and your DC I’m sure will have a great time with someone new and fun.

Nothing to feel guilty about at all.

But of course!

Think about it, if I said to you let’s go to a movie one night and you had to get a babysitter, I’m sure you’d think that was perfectly reasonable. Well, you yourself are just as deserving of a break when you want to do something (or nothing!) alone.

Thanks guys I feel a little less guilty knowing it's not frown upon. I have massive anxiety when it comes to things like this

I’m sure you’ll feel a bit funny when you do it and you might not get full enjoyment from it the first time - but it gets easier!

Remember you’re not only a mother, you’re also an individual with her own needs. You’re not a machine.

That's what people use babysitters for! OK there will be people who use it as emergency cover for work but that's normally fullertime childcare.

No one would judge you having a date night and a babysitter once or twice a month if you were with a partner, being single is no different and if anything you deserve it more!!

Enjoy

but I can't help feeling guilty. On my kids, my parents. I've no idea why. I just do. Probably because I'm new to all of this.

Nah. It's not the new situation maing you feel guilty @Ilaughinthefaceofdanger - it's the old one.

I suspect you are having collywobbles as a result of the conditioning you would have endured while in the abusive relationship.

Internally, tell the now-gone abusive git that he's not paying rent for your brain, so his ideas, expectations & guilt-trips are not welcome in your head.

It takes a while for the 'ancient history' voices/notions/beliefs/self-negating emotions to leave us. This really is just a wobble. You get out there & have fun :)

You're a single mum to 4 kids! Say no more. Yanbu, you deserve a break. Please dont feel guilty. You are a person as well, and you need to take time out for your own self care. Enjoy

I pay a childminder for 1 day a month. Sometimes I go to work but sometimes I just have a me day, its wonderful! I dont feel like I owe anyone anything as she gets paid. Let the guilt melt away

Don't feel guilty OP. It's really hard being a single working mum, especially when the kid's dad is so useless that they can't go to him sometimes to give you a break. I think what you're doing is an excellent idea, and it will benefit the kids to have a happier and more relaxed mum too x