To not think either way about having children?

[AtmosClock]

Currently early thirties with a DP. Many of my friends have children but it’s got me thinking about something. I’ve realised that I view having children just as something that other people do. I’m not actively against having children and I’m not actively for having children. I just don’t have a strong feeling either way. If I had children I’m sure I’d love them, but I don’t feel this drive to have them.

Is this neutrality on the issue weird?

Not unusual I think, but most people who feel neutral seem to end up having children because it’s just the thing that happens. Which seems odd to me! It should be an active choice.

I don't think it's weird at all, and lots of people feel this way. However, I do think this is a subject you need to talk to your partner about. What does he want? Not to be harsh, but at your age if you do decide to have children, the clock is ticking. Especially if you want to wait several years before trying.

Same. I could easily talk myself into either way. I can totally see myself in 5 years in a playground with 2 little ones and i can see myself with my partner loving a childfree life. I'm sure if I would love my kids bit if I didn't have any, I'm not sure I mind that wither.

It would be really helpful if my bf was certain on his stance with having kids.

I've always felt very neutral about it, although did generally imagine kids in my future in an abstract way. I'm currently pregnant, and whilst I haven't turned into super-maternal-mummy figure over night, I'm excited to have a baby.

That said, if I hadn't got pregnant, I don't think I would have gone down the IVF/adoption route and would simply have remained childless.

I adore my children, but I'd be quite happy if I hadn't had children. Oh the things I'd have done.

No it’s not weird. Having children is a huge change to your whole life, especially for a woman. I wouldn’t advise anyone to do so unless they are really convinced it’s right for them and are aware of all the sacrifices they will have to make, as well as the benefits.

I’d also advise you to get married first, if you intend to take maternity leave and/ or go part time or in any other way compromise your career and earning potential.

I'm in a similar boat, although I have brief, fleeting bouts of feeling more one way or the other - so currently, I'm thinking that child-rearing sounds like years of (for me!) boring drudgery, lots of routine, doesn't fit with my plans or wants or how I like to fill my time, and as an introvert with a couple of health conditions the thought of always having to be 'on' fills me with utter dread. But every now and then I swing the other way and think, of course I want to have a child, in the future.

I think I'll either get to a point where I know I want one, or I won't (or it'll be too late to do so - I don't think I'd go down the adoption/IVF route). I know quite a few people who feel the same - maybe in a couple of years they'll realise their feelings have changed? But for now, meh.

I’m the same and I’m 37

Lots of people feel like you OP. You might want to have a read of this one.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3659914-To-be-a-parent-or-remain-childfree

I felt like you. And still feel a bit like it - my life would be ok without kids. I went on amazing holidays and used to have epic lie ins and then cook something wildly elaborate and time consuming for dinner. All things that I enjoyed that just dont happen any more. There are good points now obviously. But I just think you are being realistic. Lots of people say they want kids because they want to feel the unconditional love and have magic family Christmases and I just dont think they have actually thought through the reality of their kid getting up at 3am on Christmas morning and being so cranky by breakfast time they ruin the day for everyone and tell you the present you spent weeks paying for was rubbish and they hate you!

Not weird. I was neutral too. Decided to go for it. Obviously I love my kids but I still don't think either way would have been "definitively the right thing to do" - both have their pros and cons.