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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think 'happy family' may not exist?

14 replies

ThinkGlow · 22/08/2019 14:40

Growing up I had a tough childhood. Family torn apart with abuse, divorce, grudges, personality disorders etc.

I always yearned for a 'happy family' but never felt I had it; but I do have lovely friends and a wonderful DH so I focus on that.

Now I'm older, I don't know if I'm aware of any happy family - everyone I know has a sad story of some sort e.g a father had affair, MIL is a nightmare, as adults now siblings don't get on, making effort but no effort being returned.

Is 'happy family' a myth?

OP posts:
horseymum · 22/08/2019 14:47

I think you might be confusing a mythical 'perfect' life with real life which, as you have experienced, has its ups and downs. It's maybe more about how you cope as a family with these things. It sounds like you have a lovely small family unit, most people have had some sort of adversity, even if they look like the perfect family from the outside. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure your experience makes you more aware of how other people have it tough and you can be more empathetic. Instagram had a lot to answer for! You can be content without being happy every second.

Ginger1982 · 22/08/2019 14:49

It sounds like you had it tougher than, say, I did. My dad died when I was a teenager but my mum and I were pretty content and I'm happy now with DH and DS. I think the 'happy family' idea is pushed by advertising companies and Hollywood, much like the notion of 2.4 children being the ideal is. I think 'happy family' is what you make of it.

NellieIrrelevant · 22/08/2019 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Areyoufree · 22/08/2019 14:51

My favourite quote is by Tom Robbins: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood". I had a tough time as a kid too, but now I have my own kids and we are a very happy family. We make a big deal of special occasions, holidays, we have our own family traditions - it's awesome. I have the greatest kids ever (no bias, obviously!).

darceybussell · 22/08/2019 14:56

I think it's perfectly possible to be happy without being perfect - perfect just doesn't exist. Even families that are happy, and for the most part get on well, will still moan about each other sometimes. DH and I get on with most of our family, and see them regularly, but we still take the mickey out of MIL behind her back if she's being a bit crazy, and moan about my sister's spoilt behaviour. Doesn't mean anyone is unhappy!

Original poster
ThinkGlow · 22/08/2019 15:02

@darceybussell sounds pretty perfect to me!

@Areyoufree adopt me please Grin

I suppose I grew up waiting for a happy family to sort of grow itself, it felt pretty bad when I realised you can't magic up parents that want you or family that like you.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 22/08/2019 17:38

OP you had it hard Flowers
I think we are a happy family, not problem free by any means but I know if I needed help all of my siblings would oblige and like wise.
I've been through more shit than my siblings with MH issues, I've been very poor, depressed, it has made me wiser and stronger. until the next bout
My little family are happy DP DC not perfect far from it, I try to give the DC what they need lots of love, material things, I encourage open conversation, a clean home where friends are welcome.
They dont get holidays but do get nice days out, there is lots of things that could be better but I dont believe you need to have it all.
So far so good.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/08/2019 18:00

Well, I'm dovorced from an abusive ex-wife. So, by your definition, I probably don't count as having a happy family.

But my two daughters and I are very happy together. We have an awesome life, and our little family of 3 is extremely happy.

It's all about how you choose to view the world, I guess.

24hourshomeedderandcarer · 22/08/2019 21:01

not for me

grew up in a happy house hold and i now provide a happy hose hold as well

ChristmasArmadillo · 22/08/2019 21:02

Very happy family growing up, and have a happy family with my husband now.

BenWillbondsPants · 22/08/2019 21:07

My parents were lovely, lovely people and wonderful parents to me and my sister. I had a very happy childhood and they were the same as I became an adult. They both died when I was 43 and I was heartbroken. (Still am).

DH and I are 'OK'. I try my very best to make sure our DCs have a happy family life and for the most part I think they do. DH is difficult sometimes. He didn't have a particularly happy childhood and it shows so I spend a lot of time making sure he doesn't repeat his own history.

Ohflippineck · 22/08/2019 21:10

No it’s not a myth. Awful, abusive childhood but my own family life has been the complete opposite. Happy marriage of 3 decades, two pretty well balanced, happy offspring and looking forward very much to grand parenthood and retirement together. We love each other and the kids dearly. You can have a happy life too, whatever your beginning.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/08/2019 23:35

I think you need a dependable partner. NOT FOR A MINUTE SAYING YOU NEED A PARTNER, BUT IF LIVING WITH ONE HE HAS TO BE GOOD
Before I met DP 13 years ago I'd lots of relationships but without someone who had my back, others who played on my insecurities, cheated, lied, thankfully I didn't have DC with them.
If you have someone who you love and you know they love you either a partner a friend or DC it'll make you a happy life.

FlioFlopsAndIceCream · 22/08/2019 23:43

My little family is, most of the time, very happy :)

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