Aibu children don’t want to go anywhere

[PumpkinP]

Does anyone else’s children not want to do anything ever?! I’m always reading on MN that people take their children out every day but mine don’t want to go out. They are 8,7 and 5 (also have a 2 year old but she doesn’t mind) I bought a lot of picnic food to go to the park with them today but none of them want to go. We’ve hardly done anything during the holiday. Aibu to wonder if any one else’s children are like this?

Why don’t they want to go? Is it because they’d rather stay in on screens?

My DD and DSS can be like this for the above reason. Once they’ve been told screens aren’t an option they’re more enthusiastic about going and doing things outside the home.

Yes, what do they spend time doing instead?

My first thought is also screens OP - they are addictive and depending on what games they’re playing on them they will choose that over outdoor activities any day given the option.

If I don't ban screens my pair can be like this.

Just tell them to get it the car because you're going out. You're the parent.

I dont know how you are putting it to them but tell them you are all going out instead of saying would you like to go out.

What are they doing instead?

Mine are like this sometimes and it’s not all screen related. We have done a lot over the school holidays though - big three week holiday abroad, sports camps, local trips to cinema etc. They love home where they can play with their pets, swim, play with their toys and yes go on screens! We’ve got a few bigger plans for next week being the end of the school holidays though!

Mine are like this a lot of the time too. They just want to potter at home, play with their toys, draw etc. It's not all about screens, they're just home bodies.

I drag mine out, once they're away from screens they enjoy it.

I have a 9yr old DD & 7 year old DS. The 7yr old loves being at home and never wants to go anywhere if asked, so I don't ask, just let him know what I've decided were doing eg "shoes on, we're off to such and such a place" He always loves it once he's out, I think it's just the thought of leaving whatever he's doing that puts him off.

My Siblings Kids were all like this at that age. Sibling always allowed the kids to dictate and they are now young adults who do nothing except slob around the house, stuffing their faces with junk food whilst glued to screens (phones and consoles). They are unmotivated and struggling with life.

What are the kids like if you say, “Well, my plans for us are that we are going to the park and that’s where we are going. I’m not taking no for an answer. Now, coats and shoes on, let’s get going.”?

When my parents or I were in charge of childcare and did this we found that DNs would just go whereas with siblings they’d whine and moan and cry because there was an option of not going.

These kids were taken to Disney World in Florida and refused to leave the hotel rooms, despite tickets being paid for. They’ve had numerous exotic holidays where they’ve not left the rooms. It’s really been awful.

Cross posted but this

He always loves it once he's out, I think it's just the thought of leaving whatever he's doing that puts him off.

Was exactly my experience of the DNs!

That's young to be like that! My 12 and 14 year old sometimes don't want to but I do enforce some time out of the house each day - doesn't have to be a "family" activity, happy if they're ou doors with friends too.

I'm working shifts so might be home til 2pm some days or be out at work 5am to 2pm then home by 3pm or on nights. DH is home by 5pm mostly.

Generally screens are allowed when I'm at work but as soon as I'm home they're off.

I drag them to do something each day if they don't have plans with friends, or if I'm tired after nights but available at home in case of emergency I send them out for a bike ride together and they send me a selfie of wherever they get to

My youngest is 8 and always happy to do any activity though! The teen-ness hasn't set in younger than 11 with any of mine, and the older two still essentially do as they're told and often admit enjoying things they didn't want to do.

I don't demand they enjoy themselves or be grateful for outings though - I've told them it's normal not to want to join in with family stuff, to prefer their friends and to want to be nocturnal and screen addicted but that it's my job to keep them healthy and well adjusted and drag them/ push them out into the sunlight They seem to appreciate this and I think it's one reason they're fairly compliant even if initially grumpy.

No not on screens, they just don’t seem to like going to the park anymore or after being out for a short amount of time within an hour they are asking to go home!

That’s what I’m thinking. I thought it was teens that never wanted to go anywhere. We have a local splash park and they think have to be dragged there.

But what are they doing at home then?

Sitting on the sofa or playing with a bouncy ball, chasing each other around, the tv is on but horse racing is on I think (I’m not watching it and I doubt they are either)

What do they spend their time doing at home?
What sort of things do you do when you all go out / where do you take them?

Parks mainly we are lucky to live near a lot of nice park (two being splash parks) soft play, museum but they don’t like going anywhere to far so tend to stay in the local area. Like I said they seem to get fed up within about an hour an ask to go home. Maybe it’s because it’s the summer holidays then maybe they’ve had enough

DD (5) has been a bit reluctant to go out this week but I think that's because we peaked too early! She was tired by the end of term anyway (just finished her Reception year) and we went on quite an active holiday for a week the day after she broke up from school. Then we did a few day trips, a theme park, some playdates, lots of swimming, visiting family and trips to different parks etc. I think she's just tired and is enjoying some downtime. We're off out to the park in a minute but she's spent most of today so far playing with her Barbie's, on her trampoline or doing chalk drawings on the patio outside and seems perfectly happy.

PumpkinP are they a bit over scheduled and just tired?

Are they used to being entertained by adults in term time (adult led after school activities every day) and have forgotten how to play, without adult led structure?

Mine used to need to break through the "I'm bored" line sometimes at that age - the way to deal with it is provide long and moderately unattractive activities as the only alternative to entertaining themselves, and it works just as well at the park. "We're here for 3 hours, you can play, or you can do X" (invent activity - I actually discovered when doing this once that my youngest loves doing push ups and sit ups and my middle one likes running laps - oh well, win either way )

At those ages sometimes an easy low-structre activity is worth providing to get them started "You've got half an hour to collect as many different yellow things/ flowers / leaves/ things beginning with p as possible - they have to fit into this little tub, whoever collects the most gets sprinkles on their ice-cream...

What about inviting their friends over instead some days?

I don't think it's essential to go somewhere if you have a reasonably big garden and they're not on screens. As long as they're outdoors for a few hours and moving around actively. If you don't have a garden I'd keep dragging them out to the park though!

Take a ball to the park if they like bouncy balls. My youngest isn't into ball games but at 6 and 8 my older two could play with a football for four solid hours... Or cheap tennis / badminton sets.

They could play with a ball, chase each other and sit in the park.

And you would save electricity by switching off the tv that no one is actually watching.

Tell them they have got five minutes to have a wee and find their shoes because you are all going out.

Mine doesn't get a choice. He gets plenty of time to potter and a (rationed) amount of screen time daily, but he also needs exercise and fresh air, which isn't optional to my mind.

I have a friend of whom I am very fond, but his homelife seems to consist entirely of him on his computer in his study, his wife at her obsessive craft hobby in another room, and their two sons, 10 and 12, playing computer games downstairs. They never go anywhere at weekends, the children only leave the house to go to school bar the very occasonal playdate, get no physical exercise outside of school PE, and their holiday this year consisted of them lying all about in an apartment in another country, all apparently wishing they were back at home so they could get on with their usual stuff.

Horses for courses you might say -- and I get that some people are homebodies and creatures of habit by preference. It's just that my friend and his wife (healthy, late 40s and early 50s) seem to regard doing anything outside of the house as being a terrible faff and a major effort, and there's a lot of sighing and exclamations of exhaustion and relief at surviving a brief shopping expedition to the shops in a nearby city or IKEA as if they're just finished the Paris-Dhakar rally.

And the children are absorbing this as normal, that you only leave the house if you really have to, for work or school, and any brush with the outside world is to be minimised and greeted with a 'Whew! Survived!' sort of attitude, even if you've only gone to the supermarket to buy frozen peas.

This is an extreme example, but I think a certain amount of physical activity etc is a good habit to form.