To ask for your thoughts on extended breastfeeding?

[awmamma]

Catching up on Teen Mom UK and watching the bit about Charlie telling Shannon it was weird to still be breastfeeding her 2.5 year old.

Is it really that weird?

Yeah, you know, I was thinking about this whole "it's just for the mother"/"it's more for the mother" thing. I couldn't help noticing that people who say this never specify what exactly they think the mother is getting out of it (or how the mother is persuading the toddler to feed when they don't want to; have these people never had to strap an angry 2yo starfish/octopus into a car seat?). Or indeed, why it being more for the mother would make it any different from any other parenting practice. DC1 goes to school nursery on Fridays when I'm not working partially for his benefit, sure, but mostly for mine. For that matter, sometimes cuddles are more for DC than me, when they want comfort and I'm touched out and want to be left TF alone, and sometimes it's for my benefit and I politely ask for one, and they break off playing to give it.

So I would invite someone who thinks "it's mostly/just for the mother" to specify what they think I'm getting out of feeding a 2yo.

Keeping them a baby? Nope. Not particularly enamoured of the baby stage, and as a PP said the relationship changes and evolves with the child. It becomes something that comforts them when they fall from testing physical skills, something that helps them fall asleep in an unfamiliar environment, the only thing they can keep down when they've caught D&V at nursery. Its role shifts as their life broadens and develops. It's a bit of a laughable criticism, tbh, when you consider the increasing number of children who are entering school not toilet trained or able to dress themselves and the number of children who are hypersupervised to quite advanced ages.

In fact, like any mum there are plenty of times I can't be arsed but it's what DC wants and needs so I do. DH can and does sub for me with his own skills and substitutes but it remains a very valuable tool in the toolbox.

I can tell you what I do get out of it. The ability to relax and calm DC enough to sleep. The ability to relieve their pain. The ability to shorten their illnesses. The ability to distract them from meltdowns. The ability to satisfy hunger and thirst in an emergency. Oh, and I suppose I burn a few extra calories, whoop-de-doo. What I get out of it is an ability to meet the needs they would have anyway in a healthy, free, effective way that makes us both happy.

5-6yo is weird, imho.

I don't know anyone who breastfed longer than 18 months but it really is none of my business if someone wants to.

I bf mine until 15 months and 18 months, respectively, but would have bf them longer if they'd wanted it. They got much more active at those ages though, and wanted to do other stuff, so it naturally came to an end. Since I was working FT, it was down to just morning and night feeds by that time.

I would defend anyone's right to bf as long as they and their child wants (maybe not into secondary school though )!

@ethelfleda & @jacqueshammer..thank you both for supporting me. The ignorance diaplayed here is exactly why bf older children has to be hidden away like it's dirty. It is completely different in other cultures but the British are too repressed to embrace anything out of their ordinary.

@CmdrCressidaDuck.. A brilliant post. I don't understand how something that has so many benefits is seen as so wrong once they reach a certain age. My DS is a confident likeable child who has just had an outstanding end of year school report. He ebf and co-slept from birth and now he ocasionally has bf at home and not outside. No one knows this. I don't regret anything and would do it all again if i could. Stuff what anyone thinks

Not weird at all . My youngest was at school when he stopped .

If they can walk over to you, undo your buttons and clearly state what they want, it’s a no from me

Ha, tell that to my 20 month old. he doesn't use words, but the rest is in no doubt.

For the people who disagree with feeding an older toddler/child, what do you think the problems are? I fed mine until they stopped of their own accord, which in both cases was after they started primary school. They are now big, and nothing bad has happened as a result of breastfeeding until they were ready to stop, but it probably made everyone a bit happier and the children a bit healthier.

4

I think the term “extended breastfeeding” is weird personally.
If your child still has their milk teeth (clue is in the word!), it’s just natural term breastfeeding.
The rest of the world breastfeed their babies way into and past toddlerhood because it’s totally normal. Milk teeth become loose and fall out, are replaced by adult teeth, and then the child can no longer latch properly. Anything from 4-7 years old is considered “ normal” for natural weaning according The the World Health Organisation.
There seems to be some weird boob issues in Western cultures whereas in Kenya for example, no one would sniff at a mother feeding her 4 year old.
When I visited South Africa, I remember walking through a market, and seeing a woman running her stall with an older baby (probably around 18 months old maybe) wrapped in her back, a newborn feeding off one boob, and a little boy (my guess would be about 3 or 4) feeding off the other - no one batted an eyelid!

And why is it a no if the child can unbutton & ask for it? Like PP, DC1 could do that by 18mo (he had his own word for it). So?

@Greeborising I would have been stopping with my son at 12 months then. He’s still feeding at 19months. It was easy for us and I’m a bit conflicted about continuing now. At the moment he would feed whenever he could, if I let him.

I have also had the ‘its More for you’ line so elegantly deconstructed back thread. It’s a relationship and there’s two of us. At the moment we’re walking between Mummy’s preferences (twice or three times a day is fine but every time I sit down/ we return to the house/he sits on my knee/ he sees my boobs is Too Much) vs little persons needs and desires (BOOOB BOOOB BOOOB). I’m reluctant to cut out completely when he’s little and so attached but I don’t find it an easy balance.

To me it's weird
It becomes a" comfort blanket "for kids after a while. Instead of being fed/getting nutrients.
And it's usually a particular kind of mum as well... so i6ts a no from me.

I'd rather my kids get comfort from me rather than a pacifier, an actual comfort blanket or a teddy bear. Not that those things are wrong but they usually replace natural term breastfeeding. I don't know what kind of Mum I am but I'm pretty sure no-one would guess I've bf my first 2 until past 5 and it seems likely that I'll do the same for third child. It's definitely for them that I do it.

usually a particular type of mum

Care to elaborate on that?

I don’t really see a problem with a small child getting comfort from breastfeeding.

And also, if they’re breastfeeding, for whatever reason, they will be getting nutrients from it.

My DS is 20 months and still going. I'm ready to stop but too lazy for the hassle of achieving that, he'd kick right off. I don't care what anyone else does.

I don't see how it's wrong as a comfort thing either. I mean many adults have emotional crutches why not a small child

Other people can do what they like. I nursed mine until they stopped (17 months and 2.5 years) because I couldn't figure out how to wean them short of just cutting them off with lots of tears and anger, and that seemed a bit mean. Other kids would do fine, I'm sure, but my kids were both very attached to breastfeeding until they weren't anymore.

Its got nothing to do with anyone else how long someone breastfeeds for.

What on earth is wrong with a child getting comfort from it?

The nutritional benefit of bfing was only ever a small part of the picture for me. We both got a put more from it than that.

I'm very lazy so breastfeeding was perfect for me.

'I'd rather my kids get comfort from me rather than a pacifier, an actual comfort blanket or a teddy bear. Not that those things are wrong but they usually replace natural term breastfeeding.'

Teddy Bears do not replace 'natural term BF'

Bloody help